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Original poster

How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

600 replies

BloomsButtons · 26/12/2018 13:59

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

OP posts:
WellBHoise · 27/12/2018 21:02

Sorry about your DH, you need to tell him that she goes on sat, well actually no it’s friday now she’s going. If he wants to he can go with her but you are getting your house back. He’s avoiding her?
Seriously tell him g she stays he’s sitting with her. Pull on your big girl pants and get your favourite drink and sit next to her and pout out glass after glass. If she guys tell her you’re drinking as you’re fed up of her being there. All these people having relatives for weeks is alien to me. I wouldn’t want to spend a weeks at a relatives no matter how lovely they are.

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 27/12/2018 21:06

Just a thought, could there be a reason why she is reluctant to go back to her own home?
And could that reason be significant enough to know she’s overstaying her welcome but the alternative (of going home) makes her so unhappy she’d rather dig in and be uncomfortable?

tubspreciousthings · 27/12/2018 21:12

Sorry OP you definitely appear to have a DH problem. Has he always been this spineless? How you managed long enough to have 3/4 children if hes been like this?

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expatmigrant · 27/12/2018 21:12

I would pour myself a large gin and if she comments tell her it is your house and if she doesn't like it she knows what she can do. Do not pussyfoot round your own house. Tell the kids to come down and watch Bond with and spread yourselves out. That should soon make her uncomfortable.
Sorry to hear that your DH is being so wet about this.

Dermymc · 27/12/2018 21:18

Go to your mums and leave them all to it. She sounds terrible.

woolduvet · 27/12/2018 21:22

Second the move into your mum's until she leaves.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2018 21:23

OP does it really matter if your MIL is there for a few more days. Just carry on with your life and stop wasting so much energy on this really nasty tirade.

So that’ll be you volunteering to have her at your house? It’s only a few days.

Original poster
BloomsButtons · 27/12/2018 21:26

@tubspreciousthings we've been together over 25 years and his mother has been the main cause of arguments in that time. We used to live 10 mins from her and it was horrendous as she demanded all his time most weekends.

We moved 200 miles away about 16 years ago and it has been brilliant as we got away. If we'd stayed local to her DH and I would no longer be together.

MIL visits a few times per year and is a horrid house guest each and every time but Christmas is always the hardest visit (she comes alternate years).

OP posts:
ThanksItHasPockets · 27/12/2018 21:26

Enough, OP. Foot down. Go to your mum’s and make it clear to DH that he needs to sort this out.

DeaflySilence · 27/12/2018 21:26

"I will try to talk about this once more and again try to make him see that she has to go."

If he fails to support you in this and if it looks like she will stay on, then change tack completely.

Tell them both that actually this works out very well - you'd been feeling very guilty for not spending an equal amount of time with your own mother, but hadn't wanted to leave DH alone!

Now, however, he could have his mother's company all to himself,. and (as soon as your husband returns from taking your DCs to DC1's home) you can pop off to your mum's for a few days, without feeling anyone was being left alone.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/12/2018 21:27

FFS, I cannot stand people for longer than 3 days/nights, after that I get twitchy 😂 much sympathy on the way!

Having said that, DH and MIL can get their own food/drink, you sit down and get pissed. Fuck ‘em.

Bertiebitch32 · 27/12/2018 21:29

Oh dear God op I feel irritated just reading this, I actually want to slap your dh on your behalf . I hope the old bat leaves soon Xmas Shock

NataliaOsipova · 27/12/2018 21:30

Oh God, men who hate confrontation. Equals spineless. Drives me mad! Agree with others that your DH is the problem....and that leaving him to his mummy is the way forward. Can you go with your sons to see DS1 for a few days?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2018 21:33

DeaflySilence - brilliant! The veiled threat of him having to (shock horror) look after his own DM - I’d like to see him wriggle out of that.

MaggieFS · 27/12/2018 21:34

I'd go on strike from anything domestic chore related, grab a bottle of Baileys and proceed to get so tipsy her tutting would pass me by.

Or I'd like to think I would.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/12/2018 21:36

Dear God just tell her that it's been a lovely visit but that Saturday is the time to go as you'd like to spend some of the holiday period relaxing at home.

Why are you allowing this woman to control you in your own home?

Either be an adult and tell her or put up with it.

Littlelambpeep · 27/12/2018 21:36

Your dh needs to do this, not you op. She is not taking hints (she knows exactly that she's overstayed but not letting on)

NQT year is so so hard - I can't imagine how you do it with children. Enough is enough.

RandomMess · 27/12/2018 21:39

If she doesn't go move to your Mum's for the rest of her visit?

MIL will have to sit on her own whilst DH drops the DC off.

TBH I would tell MIL off and hope she never speaks to you again...

AfterSchoolWorry · 27/12/2018 21:41

I'd tell your DH that unless she goes on Saturday she won't be crossing your threshold again. Then I'd decamp to your Mothers house until she's gone.

youaremyrain · 27/12/2018 21:42

Fake a vomiting bug?

StartingGrid · 27/12/2018 21:44

I feel so incredibly sorry for you OP... can you not tell DH he needs to take her Saturday and he can stay there while the kids visit the sibling and they come back minus MIL a couple of days later? You need to remind him this is your home, your sanctuary, not a bloody hotel for cranky old women.

AhhhHereItGoes · 27/12/2018 21:48

Just tell her honestly that you want to relax as you're tired with her moaning.

Chances are she won't want to see you again so DH canvisit her alone.

itswinetime · 27/12/2018 21:50

We had a chat and between the cost and the fact DH is taking you that way anyway we have agreed it's best to drop you home and take the boys back at the same time.'

It isn't a question so don't phrase it as one! It's decided it's happening so that's how you have to present it.

SneakyGremlins · 27/12/2018 21:52
Xmas Confused
KindleAndCake · 27/12/2018 21:53

You have my symptoms, I'm having the exact same problem. They arrived Saturday and gave to end date. DH won't approach them (his family), so asked outright today when they're going home. They looked at me agog, I didn't lol away until they answered. I could see them squirming, but I've had enough. They replied (eventually) they'd be leaving tomorrow or Saturday. Please let it be tomorrow, I'm losing my mind. I've not relaxed for the whole of Christmas and have hated every minute of it Sad

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