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Original poster

How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

600 replies

BloomsButtons · 26/12/2018 13:59

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

OP posts:
rosablue · 27/12/2018 20:32

Deliberately misinterpret her - say that if she would like to go home tomorrow on Friday instead, that’s fine by you.

If she chunters jump in quick and say that look, you and dh hate having people for more than 3 nights but as she are his mum he has negotiated you up to 7 nights but you are struggling with it and have only put up with her for a week because you knew that’s what the plan was. The choice is hers - 6 nights or 7 nights - but any longer is not an option, you have other plans that do not include her. (The fact those plans are to dance around the house singing ‘she’s gone, she’s gone, the wicked witch is gone’ and revelling in your space, is either here nor there and not to be shared with her). And stick a ‘never again is anyone coming for more than 3 nights’ on the end for good measure.

Every time she tries to say something about it being different, talk to her in a faux jolly voice like she is a toddler - big smile and ‘now don’t be ridiculous mil - we’ve already discussed this. Your choice is to go on Friday or Saturday this week. We have other plans. You can’t stay longer. So is it Friday or Saturday?’

And throw in a ‘now mil you seem to be getting very forgetful - we discussed this just hours ago. The choice is Friday or Saturday. Which of those days would you like to go home?’.

And repeat until she goes...

Hezz · 27/12/2018 20:34

Just ask her what time Saturday suits her to leave.

youaremyrain · 27/12/2018 20:35

@thebaronetofcockburn they don't have to actually go anywhere 😂
It was a suggested ruse to get rid of MIL as they don't seem to be able to tell her straight

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Original poster
BloomsButtons · 27/12/2018 20:37

I am absolutely exhausted.

FH has discovered that two return child tickets will cost £52 so that's a no go.

He still won't countenance me saying anything to MIL. I need her out of my house!! I can't face another week of this. All she does is sit there, moan at the dog, talk about her bowels and how little appetite she has. Until anything sweet appears. I have hidden all chocolates away for when she's gone...if she ever goes.

I will try to talk about this once more and again try to make him see that she has to go.

OP posts:
Grace212 · 27/12/2018 20:40

FH - fucking husband?

I'm baffled. At this rate, she could stay till Valentines.

Waddsup12 · 27/12/2018 20:43

You have DH problems, more than you ever thought. Eek.

I can't have people in my house, I'd be climbing the walls.

doodleygirl · 27/12/2018 20:44

Wow, how many venomous people on this thread. Talk about pack hunting.
OP does it really matter if your MIL is there for a few more days. Just carry on with your life and stop wasting so much energy on this really nasty tirade

Let DH spend time with his mum whilst you do your stuff. Hiding the chocolates FFS seriously!

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 20:44

Blossom, just down tools! Why can't you at least do that? You're wasting your breathe talking to your pathetic husband again and you know it. You'd have more success teaching a dog to read. Stop enabling his twat behaviour of avoiding her and dumping her on you. THAT is something you can control! Set your alarm tomorrow and leave. Go out all fucking day. Pack a lunch and snacks and water in a rucksack. Leave him to it. Tell him tonight. 'I'm done! You were willing to compromise your sons' safety rather than stand up to your mother. You put her and her needs ahead of me, your wife, and our desire to spend time together childfree. That's speaking volumes to me without saying a word. I'm not doing anything more for her. I'm going to my mother's on Saturday and staying there until she goes home. I really need to think about the gravity of being with someone whose own children's safety and wife are secondary to his mother.'

You cannot control his weaselness, but you can control your response to it.

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 20:47

OP does it really matter if your MIL is there for a few more days.

It matters greatly to her because it means she and her h don't get to spend childfree time together Hmm.

Just carry on with your life and stop wasting so much energy on this really nasty tirade

Nasty tirade telling her she doesn't have to put up with this woman who has no respect for her home or her time or her life? Why should she?

BubonicBudgie · 27/12/2018 20:49

Doodle the H is hiding from his DM. H was prepared to let 2 little DC get a bus alone. That's bang out of order.

Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 20:50

You seriously need to question if your fh wants to continue with your marriage, and indeed do you? He gives zero fucks about your feelings here op.

doodleygirl · 27/12/2018 20:50

The DH doesn’t seem to want to have alone time with the OP. Yes it’s is nasty and spiteful and so many of you all rushing in with your hobnail boots.

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 27/12/2018 20:51

Grin just let them spend quality ⌚ together 😂 with him desperate to avoid her!

TheDogAteMySock · 27/12/2018 20:53

I have mil who won't listen or be reasonable. I was told that when people behave as she does, then normal rules don't apply. I repeat it in my head when I am with her and it gives me the courage to behave in a way that goes against my grain, but means i can just about cope with her (in small doses - certainly couldn't have her stay for a week).
So, if your good manners mean that you feel you must entertain her and sit with her, then remind yourself that she is not displaying good manners by outstaying her welcome and it's perfectly ok to not to put yourself out to entertain her, remember, normal rules don't apply. Take yourself of for a long bath, an early night, a long dog walk, visit a friend, just carry on your normal life as if she wasn't there.

Original poster
BloomsButtons · 27/12/2018 20:53

@doodleygirl yes it matters. I'm a teacher in my NQT year who has yet to have a single day of these holidays either alone or just with my husband and children. I can't relax, she hates anyone drinking any alcohol whatsoever so having even a single Bailey's brings on a round of sighing and tutting.

She is a terrible house guest. She criticises, is rude and while she's here my children hide upstairs.

DH can take her home and stay for a few days if he wishes but I need my home back.

OP posts:
paslamer · 27/12/2018 20:53

My late MIL used to pull stunts like this until I put my foot down. The longest stay was from 17/12 until 7/1. This had crept up after FIL died. For years I never booked time off at Christmas because I preferred to be in work. It took a few blazing rows and firm setting of boundaries before it was sorted and an agreed time for her to stay was set in stone.

Grace212 · 27/12/2018 20:57

"H was prepared to let 2 little DC get a bus alone. That's bang out of order."

the children aren't 3 and 4, though I admit that was my first reading of it and I was stunned! but no, they are nos 3 & 4.

nicelyneurotic · 27/12/2018 20:58

She sounds so awful and rude. What would happen if you explained that it's been lovely having her but you are desperate for some time just yourselves before term starts? Your DH sounds useless and I would be very resentful in your situation.

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 20:59

DH can take her home and stay for a few days if he wishes but I need my home back.

He's not prepared to do that, OP. And so the only thing you can control is your reaction to this: either putting up with it or leaving him to it with her by telling him you won't be saddled with her anymore whilst he and the kids go upstairs and avoid. Tell him no more, I'm going out tomorrow and I'm leaving on Saturday if she doesn't go, I'm going to my mum's for a few days as I need to think some things over. Then do it because all your words are falling on deaf ears.

Bierss · 27/12/2018 21:00

I'm stressed by this on your behalf OP. Totally concur with other posters, you have to bite the bullet and just say the words. Be calm, be firm, smile, but get that woman out of your house make sure there's a firm plan for Saturday travel.

PipGoesPop · 27/12/2018 21:00

Does it really matter? Why no of course not! Infact why go home at all? I mean, it'll be Easter soon.

FFS she married him, not her. A week is long enough especially when they live in the same country. Besides which that's not the point. YOU don't decide when to go home, you ASK if you want to extend a stay, not TELL.

Rude and entitled.

Handsoffmysweets · 27/12/2018 21:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 27/12/2018 21:00

If you are happy at your mum's op go there.

Leave him to his mum.

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 21:01

Looks like your MIL have found your thread, OP Grin.

BubonicBudgie · 27/12/2018 21:02

Sorry Grace I did misread that

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