How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

[BloomsButtons]

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

Sorry OP but I think you are better off out the way they deserve each other. Keep a low profile. Hopefully he will come to his senses soon now he is at her beck & call. They deserve each other.

Hopefully you being strong and sticking to your guns will show him how serious you are. He will have to sit with her now!

Why am I not surprised? I'd stay there, too. What a pathetic excuse for a spouse, would rather: a) risk his kids' safety b) lose one-on-one time with his wife than tell his mother a week is enough and take her home. But he was fine with leaving you to deal with her.

One of my kids had a Mama's Boy for a boyfriend. That ended quick! She learned well.

I'm glad you actually walked the walk and left him to it rather than continue to enable him to hide upstairs whilst you sat entertaining her.

Personally, though, having had an in-law who sighed and tutted every time we drank alcohol, I had zero problems telling them it's rude to do that in someone else's house and that they needed to leave the room if they were going to do that.

Sorry 🍷

I'm sorry OP that sounds like it didn't go well. What are your plans (for now and the future)?

Hope you're ok OP 💐

How did the conversation go? Your dh is either spineless or doesn’t particularly give a shit about you.

Oh. That's not good.

Please tell me you just went on your own and he is dealing with kids as well as MIL?

I'm hoping that the conversation has been had and all resolved to your satisfaction.

Utterly ridiculous you're in this situation. Got my full sympathy.

The only way to do this in the future is to be clear on the dates at the time of invitation.

Just seen your update. Good for you. Sends a clear message. Your DH needs to take action now.

Try and relax.

I really don’t blame you. My NQT year was horrendous and that was before I had the DCs. You need your down-time! Hope it kicks your DH into shape now. What a wimp!

Did you tell your DH why? How can be be so spineless??

Please tell me you just went on your own and he is dealing with kids as well as MIL?

That wouldn't be very fair to the kids, especially as OP says her DS2 had high functioning ASD and also finds MIL tough going.

OP I'm really sorry it's come to this. Your home should be a place you can relax, you should get a say in how long guests stay and that long a stay is ludicrous unless you're all really comfortable with each other. Your DH is a spineless idiot.

@zevitevitch there’s a very well known recruitment agency that does online assertiveness courses. It will come up if you do a google search.

@BloomsButtons I’m sorry that you’ve had to go to your Mum’s. Your DH is a spineless fool to put his mother’s wishes above yours.

Hope you are ok OP

I'm sorry - though not surprised - that it's come to this, Blooms. It might have been nice if DH had found some respect for your wishes too, but it seems this hasn't happened

As I said, I've travelled this same path and for me it didn't end well. I really hope yours goes better, but whatever happens remember we're always here to support you

OP try and make the most of having some quality time with your dc and rest

This is ridiculous. I am furious on your behalf.
I would absolutely need time just with OH and the kids before going back to work.
You MUST put your foot down and get back to your OWN home.

Hope you are ok OP. It's crap you have been forced out of your own house. Hopefully some serious one on one time with his mother will make your husband see sense and realise where his priorities lie.

I hope he comes to his senses. This doesn’t bode well for your future relationship. Counselling is a must if you actually survive this.

Where are the DC? Hopefully it's just your H and MIL at home?

Sorry to hear that OP. Shame about your spineless husband. Hope you can get a bit of relaxation time there.

Hope he enjoys his one on one mummy time.