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Original poster

How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

600 replies

BloomsButtons · 26/12/2018 13:59

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 28/12/2018 06:43

For a man who can't manage confrontation, it seems to me that he doesn't have a problem with dealing with confrontation with you. In fact it seems that he's well versed in upsetting you and and putting his thoughts across. I think this needs pointing out to him.

Remind your DH that she had said Saturday. Point out that she is therefore overstepping what was agreed.

I would be giving him a long list of consequences and how things will be in the future. I would go so far as saying that if he can't show how he can deal with a guest who over stays their welcome, that the guest won't be welcome again, or at least not with you hosting. I would remind him of all of this right before the chat. I also think it's deeply sad that he's willing to let his children miss out on a much anticipated trip (and one child has asd) rather than potentially upset someone who apparently has no qualms about upsetting you.

Don't be surprised that when you say Saturday she will misinterpret it as the following Saturday. You need to be prepared for that. You have plans that Saturday and it won't work, besides which DH is travelling there this Saturday and you also have plans between this Saturday and the next. No matter what she says just calming keep repeating no and reiterating Saturday. Her rudeness is deafening.

I wish OP that I could sort this out for you. Sorting stuff out like this is something I have no trouble with and would happily put her in her place politely but firmly.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 06:58

Is your DH scared of his mum? I honestly can't even believe how ridiculous this all is.

You say he doesn't like confrontation, most people don't. I hate it bit no way on this earth would I have my MIL or anyone else dictate this kind of shit. I had mine here for two days and that was enough.

Don't ask what's happening - tell her AND your spineless DH and mean it OP. You shouldn't have to go anywhere! Hope you get it sorted

RollerJed · 28/12/2018 07:08

I've just read the entire thread and I'm with lots of pp. Your dh is being a spineless twat and if he doesn't speak to his dm, I'd be disappearing myself for a good few days.

Good luck OP

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violetbunny · 28/12/2018 07:14

Yep your DH is going for the path of least resistance here. As soon as he realises you'll cause him more trouble than MIL, I bet he will change his tune!

EffYouSeeKaye · 28/12/2018 07:19

Good luck today op.

ilikefastcars · 28/12/2018 07:23

I think I would just have to be rude and tell her she has outstayed her welcome now! I would be saying we arranged a week so a week I will be, maybe tell her you've got work to do!

NationalShiteDay · 28/12/2018 07:26

I think your plan is a good one OP. Good luck!

IStillMissBlockbuster · 28/12/2018 07:32

Why is your husband so scared of her?

BetterEatCheese · 28/12/2018 07:36

Good luck OP. You need some time before you go back. Be strong and unemotional and matter of fact about what is happening. Be honest and say you need some space and time with your husband and children alone

Strawberry2017 · 28/12/2018 07:40

Good luck op!

OComeAllYeFaithful · 28/12/2018 07:40

I don't get this weird belief on mumsnet that having people to stay is a huge inconvenience. Surely it depends on the guests? We have family on DH’s side who we get on really well with, they can stay for 4/5 nights and we’re still sad to see them go! However they are dream house guests, they make tea regularly, help clean up, cook. This is not a dream house guest. Given the additional information about DS2 (who clearly benefits from his routine and having space at home), this guest needs to leave already!

OP I’m sorry it’s come to this. Your H really is spineless! I would get him to read the book ‘Toxic parents’ - it sounds like he doesn’t dare say a word out of line! Stand your ground today. I would explain to your H that if he doesn’t tell her she’s leaving tomorrow, he’s putting his marriage at risk. It sounds like he doesn’t realise.,

brokenhead · 28/12/2018 07:43

Pack your bags noisily pack the boys bags noisily and shout up the stairs are you ready to go we are off?

Tisahardlife · 28/12/2018 07:56

Good luck today OP

cheminotte · 28/12/2018 07:57

Good luck today OP

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2018 08:08

I am actually fuming on your behalf!!!!
The MIL is being rude but WTF is wrong with your husband!!!!!!!
He's your real issue here!
I'd tell him to take the DC to their sibling and then he can bloody well stay with his mother until he grows the fuck up!
Ooh he's annoyed me! Angry
Hope it all gets resolved today though.
Here, have this WineGinyou bloody deserve it!

cavycavy · 28/12/2018 08:15

I’m equally worried that if you use the word ‘saturday’ they will both interpret that as next Saturday.

Make sure you say TOMORROW to avoid any confusion.

Blimey, how could anyone feel comfortable outstaying their welcome for this long??

You need to become a bad host OP.

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 28/12/2018 08:19

Agree with the poster who said he has no issue upsetting you.

cptartapp · 28/12/2018 08:19

Your MIL will not get any easier and less demanding as she gets older. The expectations and guilt tripping will get worse. I've seen it. Make a stand today OP.

Kardashianlove · 28/12/2018 08:37

I'll also be very clear that this will NOT be happening again. No, make it clear it’s not happening NOW.

Your DH clearly has no respect for youSad

Piggywaspushed · 28/12/2018 08:37

Please note, I am not defending MIL here, who is clearly a difficult woman. However, in the OP, you state as far as we knew she was leaving on Saturday. Did either of you actually ever ask her this, or establish this? I would bet not. Hence the pussyfooting.

She does sound a bit odd as a DGM, in that she doesn't seem to care about whether she sees 3 of her DGC for much of her stay (in fact, am assuming all 4). Is she actually trying to prevent DSs from going anywhere, too, be being so awkward?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/12/2018 08:41

Good luck OP, I do feel for you.

wombatron · 28/12/2018 08:50

Good luck today OP. I've never left MIL to arrive without a departure date confirmed. I don't think she'd be as cheeky as to stay this long.... but I've always said to DH they Christmas is also my annual leave (we shut our office so have to be off) and I don't want it to be filled with us sitting on the sofa like the 3 wise monkeys for over a solid week.

HelenaJustina · 28/12/2018 09:04

Rooting for you this morning!

Miggeldy · 28/12/2018 09:10

Your 'D'H sounds like a collossal twat.

JakeBallardswife · 28/12/2018 09:16

Good luck OP!

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