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Original poster

How to ask MIL to go home on Saturday?

600 replies

BloomsButtons · 26/12/2018 13:59

MIL has been with us since Saturday. As far as DH and I knew she was coming for a week but apparently she's told our DC and my Mum that's she's here until after new year.

I need some time these holidays to chill out and DC 3&4 want to go and visit DC1 this weekend and he lives near MIL. How can I politely tell her that DH is taking DC to visit other DC and so he'll take her home at the time?

I know this doesn't seem all that hard but DH won't say anything so I'll have to do it but I don't want to cause major offence.

DC 3&4 are 14 & 12 year olds. DC1 is 24.

OP posts:
Winterberriesonatree · 28/12/2018 00:43

Book a holiday cottage in the sticks for next year and do it NOW before they all get booked up by DILs in similar situations. Take your kids and have a great time. If DH wants to entertain his DM in your home, just leave the pair of them to enjoy their own company.

WintryFrost · 28/12/2018 00:44

I don't get this weird belief on mumsnet that having people to stay is a huge inconvenience. I think it's nice that you have a close relationship with her and your DC get to see her. I'd be letting her stay as long as she wants.

AGHHHH · 28/12/2018 00:50

weird belief on mumsnet

It's not weird and not really a belief on Mumsnet either, I felt this way before I was a member. A lot of people actually don't want to have guests for very long. Many find it stressful. It doesn't make it weird just because you don't mind whoever being in your house indefinitely.

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Families
AGHHHH · 28/12/2018 00:52

And the Mil is hardly being a good guest. She sounds insufferable. Would you really allow someone like that to stay as long as they like?!

Winterberriesonatree · 28/12/2018 00:53

WintryFrost

Haha. When people work all year round, having family to stay and being expected to provide endless cooked meals and entertainment is rather hard work.

MIL should tackle the ironing pile if she wants to be part of family life, but it rarely works that way.

Brugmansia · 28/12/2018 00:53

Also spending lots of time with someone doesn't necessarily lead you closeness.
Sometimes relationships that could be close aren't because the guest repeatedly out stays their welcome.

myrtleWilson · 28/12/2018 00:58

Forever then @wintryfrost? 😱 the op should just subjugate her and her dc's lifestyles to her Mil?

WintryFrost · 28/12/2018 01:00

@myrtleWilson

If she wants to, of course. Many other cultures have much closer(physically and emotionally) families. There's no reason why we should be different.

myrtleWilson · 28/12/2018 01:02

But she absolutely doesn't want to

CraftyYankee · 28/12/2018 01:06

Looks like OPs MIL has found the thread!

sprouts21 · 28/12/2018 01:10

You really are annoyed at the wrong person here op. It's your dh problem and I would be sickened to be forced into the bad guy role.

Winterberriesonatree · 28/12/2018 01:11

CraftyYankee

I guarantee that if OPs MIL had found the ironing pile, she might have been much more welcome to stay.

Bloominglovely · 28/12/2018 01:18

She's a stubborn old goat who knows exactly what she is doing.

Posters who are advising you to 'tell' her that she is leaving obviously have never had to do this in reality. This will be near impossible to do if your husband is not only not going to back you but is going to contradict and agree with her.

If it was me, I'd disappear out of the house. I'd take your younger children and go to your older child's house. Stay with them. Keep the car with you. Leave your husband alone with his mother and without a car (if you car share) and give them plenty of quality time. Then return home when you had planned to return home and make plans to see friends, go sales shopping, go for excursions with your younger children and ALL the time let your husband entertain his mother. When you are at home, do not offer to make her tea and snacks.. Make her whatever you are offering your children for dinner. Open wine and enjoy it with your meals despite her tutting. Basically OP leave her out in the cold. If she is in the living room, bring the kids in and put on the movies they like. Make it uncomfortable for her. Let her be the one to toddle off to her room. Stop playing at being the unwilling host and just leave her to it!

Onynx · 28/12/2018 01:35

OP if you do end up moving to your mum's or going to see DC1 with your younger two I would ensure to pack all the loo roll, teabags/coffee and milk in the house. I would also be tempted to remove the fuse from the tv plug..... but maybe that's just me😉

violetbunny · 28/12/2018 01:55

I think you should stop worrying about coming across as rude. She certainly isn't extending you the same courtesy. Just be blunt OP!

EKGEMS · 28/12/2018 03:28

My DH recounted a story of when his father-was in the US marine corps came home on leave for a weekend found guests overstaying on a visit and imposing on his parents (who were not well to do but too polite to tell them to leave) Dad threw both them and their luggage onto the front lawn-Semper Fi!

7salmonswimming · 28/12/2018 03:29

But she’s leaving you with no choice than to leave your own home! And, have I got this right, you’d be staying in HER home?

What does she actually want? Your DH all to herself? He should go to her house to stay for a while.

I suspect she wants to be fed, watered, have a break from her home, and for you to do all this for her while she spends time with her son. And she knows he doesn’t want to spend much time with her so it’ll have to be in his house where he can’t escape.

God I’m angry for you!

Do not let yourself be pushed out of your own home. This is your home, with your husband and your children.

In your shoes I’d say:

Right DH and MIL, what’s the timing for Saturday? I’m exhausted, I need to rest before term starts again, I need to get the house organised again with sheets and towels washed, laundry done, decorations packed up, kitchen back to normal and everything in order. What time are you both leaving on Saturday please, I need to get on with things. If you both want to spend some more time together, can you please do it at MIL’s house. Happy to pack any leftovers for you if it makes life easier.

That’s it. You’ve made your point, this is your home and you get to decide.

Weenurse · 28/12/2018 03:33

@7salmomswimming good script

AGHHHH · 28/12/2018 03:47

If she wants to, of course.

The whole point of the thread is purely because she DOESN'T want to. Have you not read it?

WinterRose92 · 28/12/2018 04:38

I honestly can’t believe the cheek of this woman!!

katykins85 · 28/12/2018 05:32

Right, the time for polite niceties is now gone. Be direct and tell them BOTH that she is leaving, or you will be and that you won't be back. If your sorry excuse for a DH chooses his mother tell him to sodding move on with her when he takes her home. Utterly pathetic!! I really, really feel for you. I can't abide house guests and the thought of having them here for the whole of the precious few days I get off with my children is awful, especially if it meant they spent all their time in their rooms. She needs to go, and you need to have serious talks with DH about his attitude towards you and your children.

PeaQiwiComHequo · 28/12/2018 05:58

"I really don't want to be rude but we both know that staying longer than invited for is also rude so either we are going to need to be rude to each other or we can keep things polite and amicable and agree a sensible time for you to leave tomorrow. However lovely a guest is, I must have the house empty for a few days before I return to work"

BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2018 06:14

Oh goodness me op I'm actually more cross with your DH than your mil and I'm pretty cross with her!

floribunda18 · 28/12/2018 06:23

I'd ask her directly what time she is leaving on Saturday and if she says she is staying longer, say "That doesn't work for us. We have plans." If she prevaricates then I'd absolutely risk being the bad person and tell her the truth, that I've had no holiday due to looking after her all the time and that she is outstaying her welcome. Yes, it should be DH doing this, but as he is being a coward about it, someone else will have to.

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 06:29

There's always a silver lining to every situation

The silver lining here is that I'M NOT MARRIED TO YOUR USELESS, WASTE OF SPACE HUSBAND

Knowing this has really lifted me and made my day.

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