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Original poster

Just been made homeless - Please advise me!

122 replies

ArtOfGettingBy · 22/12/2018 22:36

I will try to be as clear with the details as I can without making this too long. I'm also NOT asking for anything other than advice. I've lurked for a long time as my mum used to use MN but I have just joined.

I have a very fractured relationship with my family, emotionally abusive dad, mum who gaslights that the abuse didn't happen and siblings too young to know. Ive just been told that in the morning i need to leave when they go to work and theyre locking the door. They genuinely mean this and I dont know what to do. I did an apprenticeship after school and got a job that I lost due to a long absence for extreme bad mental health this year. So I was working a bar job recently I had to leave as it finished 3am and had to keep paying taxis to get home but it wasn't sustainable on the wage.

I'm 20 and stupidly I have no idea how this works. What do I do to stay somewhere? I have no savings, no friends who live where I Do, no family. I have tried to look online for advice but I don't understand a lot of the information. I'm so scared, Im thinking offices that deal withthis help will be shut for christmas. I don'tknow where i'm staying or what i'm going to eat.

Please help me with what to do if you have any knowledge. I know I should know how to handle this, i'm embarrassed that I don't. I'm not asking for hand outs.
Thank you in advance for the advice and guidance.

OP posts:
Espanio · 22/12/2018 23:49

I would advise you to contact the YMCA, and apply for a room there. They will help you with room essentials e.g. bedding, cutlery, etc. They can also help you apply for benefits, and access the food bank

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:52

Thankyou for answering my question OP. I wasn't accusing just asking through my own experience. Your parents are heartless and selfish. You seem very sensible and wise. I've no advice on the practical front (thankfully lots of mumsnetters have) don't leave the thread. Take the support. You need it and deserve it. I'm so very sorry you're put in this position

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 23:54

Ps yes once a nu metal chick in my day Grin

Elliss2018 · 22/12/2018 23:58

So sorry that you're going through this! I really hope that the great advice you've been given is helpful Thanks

QwertyLou · 23/12/2018 02:31

What a hard situation OP, you’ve done the right thing asking for support Flowers

Glad that PPs have been able to give good advice. My only other thought was whether local churches in your area (of whatever religion) offer any support in this situation?

I’m not sure about accommodation (they might know who to refer you to) but in parishes food would be available.

Hang in there Flowers

QwertyLou · 23/12/2018 02:32

That should read in parishes here food would be available - might be different where you are though

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/12/2018 04:55

Disgusted with one or two pp's. There but for the grace of God go you. Kicking someone when they are on their knees in desperation is beyond low. However a few posters have given excellent advice and links, so please don't go op, we are here so keep talking if it helps and you can get internet x

Original poster
ArtOfGettingBy · 23/12/2018 05:04

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity thank yo

OP posts:
LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 23/12/2018 05:18

I'm so sorry OP. My heart goes out to you Thanks. You're the same age as my DD.

Agree with PPs that going to the council/speaking with an emergency organisation such as Shelter are your best bet. You mention not having friends nearby, would it be possible to travel to where they are to sofa-surf until the offices are back to action post-Christmas?

Original poster
ArtOfGettingBy · 23/12/2018 06:03

I would but with it being christmas, I don't want to impose on any friend's families. l also don't have the train fare unfortunately.

OP posts:
Thatwasfast · 23/12/2018 08:33

So what’s happened this morning OP? What are your plans? Did you pack up some food?

AnotherEmma · 23/12/2018 08:43

How have you been paying for things like your phone and bus/train fares until now? Have you parents been giving you any money? Why didn't you apply for benefits before?

AnotherEmma · 23/12/2018 08:43

(I'm not criticising btw just trying to understand the situation.)

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 23/12/2018 08:59

Hello everyone

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask everyone to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Heartofglass21 · 23/12/2018 09:21

OP if you were one of my children's friends, I would come and collect you or transfer trainfare to you. Please reach out to extended family and friends before you are on the streets. At 20, old school friends and their parents will still know who you are and I'm sure someone will offer help and support, especially at this time of year.

Pinkyyy · 23/12/2018 09:29

OP what's happening this morning?

starsorwater · 23/12/2018 12:54

Back under the bridge this morning, I should think.

Hezz · 23/12/2018 13:01

It's such a hard one isn't it? Us long standing members have seen so much of this over the years, especially at Christmas when people are generous.

But she may need real help.

It's a tough one. OP, if you're still there and genuine I wish the very best for you x

norfolkandchanceyou · 23/12/2018 13:29

This is not in direct response to OP but something over the years that I've thought about as my kids have grown and now one has flown the nest

I'd always thought I'd offer out my spare bedroom/s to kids who have been less fortunate than mine and for what ever reason have ended up on the streets so they can have some stability to get a job and actually have a future, be a stepping stone to a place of their own. But having had a brush with Social Services and local housing it's become apparent that even a generous offer as I'd intended to make would lead to much scrutiny and grief from so called professionals messing with my family.

So now I have a unused room which will remain empty. I own my home before people go on about bedroom tax etc etc.

AnotherEmma · 23/12/2018 13:34

I'm not convinced tbh. The thread title is about becoming homeless but the actual posts are more about lack of money. Several posts about food, not having money to buy any, being hungry on Christmas Day, and not being able to afford a train fare.

With parents like this you would surely make sure you had an income of your own, even if you couldn't find a suitable job and had to claim benefits, you would still have something (UC for under 25s is about £250/month).

It's too easy isn't it - of course the mothers on here (many of us are mothers) are going to be affected by the thought of a 20yo being kicked out by abusive parents, becoming homeless and going hungry over Christmas.

I hope I'm wrong. But I often get taken in by these threads at first and then it becomes increasing obvious they're not genuine. It's so annoying.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 23/12/2018 13:44

I've seen those threads too, been on MN 14/15 yrs.

Still not sure what to think.

00100001 · 23/12/2018 13:44

@MrsTommyBanks "Food banks are instant."

you cna't just walk into a food bank and get food you know, right? You have to get a referral slip from someone like a Dr or Social Worker or whatever.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 23/12/2018 13:46

I don’t get taken in by anything on here.

I’d still rather go about things with the correct process, because if indeed it is a vulnerable young person I wouldn’t want to be adding to their distress.

MNHQ’s statement makes it clear enough, and if despite their warning people still want to send their hard earned cash or resources to someone well that’s their business, not mine.

Heartofglass21 · 23/12/2018 13:54

I find it hard to believe that a 20yo has no friends or extended family to call on in her time of need. But there are people around who have absolutely no-one, through no fault of their own. I also find it hard to believe that parents would throw their daughter out 2 days before Christmas knowing she has no money and nowhere to go. It must have been one hell of a row.

I had colossal arguments with my DC all the time when they were a similar age - my house, my rules, if you don't like it, get out etc - but if I'd actually tried to evict one of them, my DH would have intervened and vice versa.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 23/12/2018 14:19

Definitely call up a friend. We would definitely put a friend up over Christmas until all services started running fully again in the new year. Lots of people would be happy to help.

Churches are great places to keep warm, have a chat and many will give out food and toiletries (we certainly do). Our city has a night shelter operating too although you need a referral first. Not ideal but there's a hot meal, conversation and a bed every evening/night.

You sound resourceful OP, so hoping this Christmas goes OK for you.

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