Village Facebook Page

[Ursaminor]

There's been a change of main topic from dog poo, to the repatriating of Christmas cards sent to the wrong address, sometimes many years after the addressee has moved house. It's like a walk down memory lane!

Ours is full of people asking who the Hermes delivery driver is for a particular area followed by numerous numpties posted said drivers mobile phone number

Ours is the local feral sheep who come off the hills and eat ALL THE GARDENS!!! And anyone who complains about them must be an "outsider" who lives on the new estate who should F off back to F and keep going because no one wanted the (actually very small) new estate and as said sheep have been doing this since Noah was a child it is therefore OK that they decimate everything and sh*t everywhere! I love a sheep post people get so upset and they proper make me giggle! Plus cats, fireworks, suspicious vans and parking near the school!

Oh and my all time favourite "could residents please put their wheelie bins away AS SOON AS THEY ARE EMPTIED as it's making the village look untidy" people commented about being at work but that didn't matter! Mine stayed out for a week my DH was physically itching to put it away

Ours this last couple of days has been filled with posts along the lines of. "Testing my new drone out this morning. Got some lovely photos of Gatwick. Must have hit a quiet time as oddly no planes up".

Half the people find this funny. The other half are righteously indignant. We've even had a gofundme page from one person who apparently is stuck in Gatwick. Response has been overwhelmingly sarcastic.

We also have a regular who doesn't think you should have any input into any village business if you or your family haven't lived there since the middle ages.
It's thinly veiled racist rants aimed at immigrants. He has a few of his mates liking his posts but I'm always pleased to see he gets angry face responses from the majority.
He also ends his rants in "GET IT!!!" and is known to PM threats to people who don't agree with him. I don't know why he hasn't been removed.

Dog poo, lost dogs, thoughtless fireworks. The dangers and selfishness of driving through the ford after rain.

Someone or other asks for a plumber recommendation once per week without fail. The names of the same 3 plumbers are offered. Every. Single. Time.

Have you had the 'National Service' recommendation yet? Village FB bingo!

Ours is all we have a parcel for so and so or does anyone have my parcel 😂

We had a lost dog for 24 hours, but thankfully he's home now

Carol singers only went to the new houses not the ‘real’ village. Christmas ruined

Lots of moaning about Hermes/DPD

People asking the opening hours of ASDA or for the phone number of the local Chinese takeaway

Dog poo

A row about horses on the roads - someone drove like an utter tool and nearly hit a horse rider - cue lots of ‘horses shouldn’t be on the roads anyway’ posts

Lots of moaning about the local ‘useless’ ferry companies

Terrible driving - to be fair, driving round here is appalling and there’s a regular rant about people’s inability to use the slip road for the dual carriageway properly

Tonight's best post from a rather cross villager

"If the owner of the white jaguar fpace reg number starting Xxxx is on here please pm me for a chat after today's heroics many thanks.."

To which he replies to his own post

"Endangering people's lives overtaking on a blind bend at 80+mph is Not cool"

I am watching in anticipation ..

The batteries are still missing from the traffic lights

Dog poo
Parking outside the community centre/church (the former is new the latter has been there since the 1100s. Moaning in equal measures)
Speeding
Fireworks
Bonfires on allotments (although that's cooled down along with the weather)
The parish council not doing enough (even though they do LOADS)
The lights on the village Christmas tree not matching. Honestly FFS 😂 Can't unsee it now when I go past!

Ours is a load of job adverts, parking, people looking for houses and asking for recommendations. Boring.

Much guffawing about a slightly sordid looking set of Christmas lights recently
Normally it's speeding tractors or neighbours who don't clean their part of the stream out.

On behalf of all the city dwellers, can you let us know if any of these groups are open. I very much like this level of petty but have to get it from the lollipop lady and I only do 3 school runs a week and there’s only so many times you can cross.

Thank you for starting this thread! I thought first of all you were from my village but it seems I'm not alone in living somewhere obsessed by dog poo, planning issues, parking, and suspicious vans (that turn out to be totally innocent). But don't, under any circumstances if you value your life, even think about lighting a bonfire or so much as glancing at a fireworks shop. In fact, in one memorable incident, an unexpected clap of thunder got tutted about.

Loving this thread.

Top 5 in tonight's local group:
1.Where can I buy a kitten?

1. List of church services over Christmas
2. Pest control recommendation (about 3 of these a week-many, many more in wasp season, is it a bee? is it wasp?!!)
3. Warning about not selling your unwanted dog on Gumtree
4. Where is Santa tonight.

So all is usual around these parts.

"Helicopter just went over, anyone know what's going on"

Then everyone who's seen the helicopter posts about it

This thread has tickled me, I have bypassed the fb pages and I'm on the village hall committee. Now face to face moaning abouts shit is way more entertaining than on a screen 🤣

I live in part of London that thinks it's a village. We have a "Area Mums Network" that is full of lost cats, reports of scammers, where can I buy xxx (usually a supermarket or Argos), requests for recommended Chinese/Indian/hairdresser/childninder/nursery/taxi/cleaner, warnings of traffic jams, and every couple weeks an argument about vaccination (only a couple anti-vaccers still going, but boy do they post on every thread about doctors etc).

Then you get requests to borrow size 12 wellies as child has school trip tomorrow, and the rants about proposed parking zones and the sneaky plots of the council, and best of all, the ones warning people never to buy anything off X as she's a scamming cow - cue explanation about client from hell, friends weigh in on both sides...

Village on steroids.

On my village FB page right now it’s letting me know the times the local pop up choir will be performing and someone is demanding to know what the awful nail varnish like smell is that’s hovering over the village.

We seem to get lots for close up photos of dog poo and cars parked on pavements.

It really kicked off when the beast from the east brought the village to a standstill, buses stopped running and the poor council gritters were absolutely tore to shreds

Fireworks seem to be mentioned every other week regardless of the time of year.

Oh and the local butcher has closed suddenly after taking everyone’s deposits for their Christmas turkeys. Outrage I tell you.

Ours is complaints about vandalism and anti social behaviour. Always infers that it might be the youths, which is immediately followed by outrage from some youths that it isn’t. Quite why they think we all assume that the anti social youths doing the damage are the same community minded youths that comment on village Facebook posts I don’t know.

Multiple posts about white vans everywhere. It’s Christmas you twats, of course there’s white vans everywhere.

Someone asking every week when the mobile banking van is in town. To be fair it keeps odd hours.

Complaints about the last bank in town closing. Followed by patronising rants about why it closed and how nobody uses banks anymore except the old folk who clearly don’t understand t’internet.

The same person requesting X product, cash waiting. If you can use Facebook you can probably use google.

Somebody will mention the possibility of a new supermarket and could it be Tesco’s. That’s always good for an argument. The same person bites every time and everyone else winds him up.

Does anyone else’s village have the “cute” bone shaped dog poo-bag dispensers hanging off every other sign post? This is the latest idea from the parish council to cut down on poo. Emergency bags for dog walkers, because if you’re out with a dog it might poo and you might not have thought about this when you set off
Naturally the bags always disappear, the amount of poo is unchanged, but cue much outrage about teenagers apparently nicking the bags
followed by the virtue signalling of posters buying more bags themselves and refilling the holders for the good of our wonderful village!

I was banned from mine. It's run by the local Tory councillor. She took offence to my suggesting she should probably not voice her support of a bunch of vigilantes burning Travellers out while they sleep.
What she rather hilariously doesn't know is after I was banned, a journalist contacted me for a quote as she is on the group under a false name, ready to expose the awful woman when there's another local election. Someone had tipped her off about what a rather nasty piece of work this woman is.
She's been a councillor for over 30 years. I declined to comment but cannot wait for when it comes out.
And actually, I don't miss out on anything not being in the group, I just pop in the pub and hear it all anyway.