Village Facebook Page

[Ursaminor]

There's been a change of main topic from dog poo, to the repatriating of Christmas cards sent to the wrong address, sometimes many years after the addressee has moved house. It's like a walk down memory lane!

I don't live in a village. I can't join in.

@NigelGresley and @WandaStartup - not unless you live in the North of Scotland! Starts with "B".

lynnepot - our's is a closed page - it's the modern day equivalent of the League of Gentlemen's villae shop for village people! ;)

Cat's on ours. And folks 'finally moving' to one of our many new estates that we didn't want & campaigned heavily against the estates that is, not the people. Oh & a man who's dogs paw has been injured by cement dust or something left by one of the building companies on the pavement next to one of the aforementioned estates who is now baying for compensation.

We've had a lot about Hermes couriers too. Poor lady went off sick for a few days and all hell was let loose!

Always have someone on ours who will do a rant about driving.

'to the red fiesta on X road at 1.07pm, who cut me up at junction B, I got your number plate mate'

Usually ends in 'rant over' and starts with 'not being funny but'.

Dog poo is a huge winner on ours. I live in a fairly long established village so we get lots of old photos of relatives with captions like 'High Street 1910, no cars!?!?!'

A few weeks ago some local "hooligans" were photographed scaling the rugby posts of a nearby field. There was outrage.

Fly tipping, missing / escaped dogs, bike thieves (they are real...), parking and village events.

No South West! Dog poo & post must be a nationwide obsession🤣

The Italian pop-up chef popping up with pictures of what he's going to cook tonight/at the next event.

Missing cat/found cat/fed cat/dead cat.

A message from the vicar about what's on at the church, with lots of likes and hearts (to be fair, she's an awesome vicar).

NerrSnerr was Santa also verbally abused? If so, I think we may live in the same place

RhubarbAndCustards I so know where you live!!! I don’t live there anymore but grew up there and visit every month!

This thread is hilarious and all true!

In the summer we had endless whinging about bonfires and consequently helpful notifications such as:
"Just to let you all know, we're having a bonfire on smokey street at 6pm. Those of you who have a problem with it, just keep your windows closed".

I also enjoy the posts by people looking for recommendations. For example: 'Anyone know a good local [cleaner/wheelie bin/window cleaner etc] and loads of helpful villagers pile in with 'I/my husband do it ourselves'

Let us not forget the 'Anyone fancy a job working from home? PM me' That will be Avon then

Ours has Christmas cards. Some poor lady from the local Scout group (who are delivering local Christmas cards),asked for help finding done unknown addresses and got shot down for breaching GDPR.

A few delivery issues/queries.

Dog poo as always.

Someone has posted a photo of a lost glove found somewhere in the village.

“Speed camera van at crossroads” always causes fury.

Villager 1: thanks hun
Villager 2: WHY ARE YOU WARNING THE BASTARD SPEEDING DRIVERS?

Then everyone piles in. At least once per week.

We’ve also got a splinter group where more blatant moaning is permitted.

And a separate neighbourhood watch group. The posts from every group get shared to the others which makes it all quite confusing re replies.

Also parking on the pavement/parking outside school/takeaway recommendations/tip run/who owns the horse in the bottom field/gas engineer recommendations/lost dog/found dog/dogs barking all the time/dog poo.

A trampoline blew into someone's farmyard. Photos of trampoline. Turns out trampoline is visiting all the neighbours and getting fed that bit may not be true

Naming and shaming of the village youth who violently overtook Ethel the church secretary in his Corsa.

Pictures of someone's dead mum over various decades in the middle of last century. No idea who this woman is but she's now a posthumous local celebrity as her devoted son Nigel posts "found another pic of my mum for those interested- looks like it was taken around 1967 as she's wearing the same cardigan she wore to our Hilary's wedding. Those were the days. Rip mum"

Missing cats.
Local nail technician with FREE!!!!!! GEL POLISH FOR EVERY FIFTH DIAMANTÉ (or whatever. I don't speak nail)

Suspicious white vans.

a pub that's also a brothel

and loved this one: It's surreal watching the kids who were professed anarchists in the 1970s moaning about litter, graffiti and fucking parking...

Threads like this make me sad that (a) I'm not on FB and (b) don't live in a village. Love all the infighting and viciousness!!!

Ours is "who owns this van".... and copious photos of said van. There was a huge drama about one being seen at all times of day full of men and lots of "lock your shed" posts......... turns out they are builders from the site in the village being dropped off and collected.

Who delivers takeaway ones appear at least once a week.... knowing full well that no one does, no one ever has done and no one ever will as we're in the back arse of nowhere .

The rest of it is dogs, dog waste, dogs on the village field, and dogs near the school. That always turns into a slanging match between the dog owners and dog haters.

Usual one ours (cats, litter, charity Santa route) plus inadvertently hilarious local expat racist now in Australia who sends frequent missives about how 'non white people ' and EU nationalism should 'go home'. Catch 22: by his own logic he should come back to uk. But who would want him back?!

I have spotted two comments that resemble my village haha.

Ours is primarily filled with outrage posts about the local youths thugging it up. In just one night we had a cat terrorised, water bottles thrown at windows, idiots walking in front of cars & library staff having to barricade themselves in because of a gang outside.

Then we get the 'there is nothing for them to do' or my particular current favourite, 'what do you expect when the village is expanding'

Ours has regular moans about traffic through the high street since the layout was changed a couple of years back.

And it kicked off when a local "celeb" had a fireworks party in their garden two weeks after fireworks night in torrential rain. Cries of "won't they think of the dogs/babies/rabbits" etc.

We have the dog shit, the fireworks, the dog shit again, the complaints about parking.

Then we have the parents of one school who seem completely ridiculously overinvested in running down the school they didn't choose for their children to go to (quite why the fuck they're bothered since it doesn't affect them is beyond me) so that one reappears in some form or other on about a bi-monthly basis.

It's currently "got a card for a Doris Smith who lived here in 1973 does anyone have her current address" season.

Plus we have a lot of HS2 related discussion/despair/horror at the latest proposal or report... and then the resident wind up merchant who just likes to tell everyone they're utter losers standing in the way of progress for a reaction.

Lost cats. Dead cats. Dead cats relocated to the side of the road. Dead cats not relocated to the side of the road. Reappeared previously lost cats.

And of course the "want to earn £3million a week just sitting on social media and no it's not MLM but the first three people to PM me can do it" crap.

@RhubarbandCustards scrap man requests are constant on my village group either we're neighbours or there are tons of people out there who can't grasp the concept of searching posts

Hilariously we received a Christmas card for the previous owners of our house today. We have lived here for 25 years. Straight in the recycling bin.