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Original poster

Crying in front of children

53 replies

LahDeDah · 15/12/2018 19:12

Do you ever think it’s ok to cry In front of children? Does it matter if the reasons are different? I.e. because you have hurt yourself physically? Or for emotional reasons?
Does age make a difference?
I think it’s ok to cry as we all do it but to be honest about it (In a child friendly way) maybe? Or should we always hold it together In front of our children?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 15/12/2018 19:14

I cry in front of mine, very rarely, maybe a couple of times a year but I do. Once this year when I fell down the stairs and once when I was massively stressed with our house move.

Because I don't do it all the time, they know it's really serious when I do and are so lovely, bless them.

formerbabe · 15/12/2018 19:14

Its a fine line between showing them its ok to show emotions and not making them feel insecure. Children generally are unnerved by their parents showing too much weakness. The only time I think I've cried in front of my dc is when we were watching something sad on tv.

CarrotTop6 · 15/12/2018 19:22

I recently lost my dad and couldn’t help but cry in the day.
My little one asked if I was sad and I said yes but it’s ok to feel sad sometimes. And that crying was letting the sad out.

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ItIsChristmasTime · 15/12/2018 19:22

I think it is fine as long as you can reassure them and explain why you are crying.

Millie2013 · 15/12/2018 19:25

I cried in front of DD today because I’m missing my Dad (who died this year)
DD is 5 and I explained that I’m missing grandad. I don’t cry in front of her often

treaclesoda · 15/12/2018 19:26

My children saw me cry plenty when my dad died. I'd be a bit worried that it would have been damaging to them to think that you can lose a much loved person and not cry.

Doyoumind · 15/12/2018 19:30

I don't cry often but I don't mind crying in front of DC in the right circumstances.

If I'm teary because of something my ex has done (happens occasionally because when I look at my DC I wonder why he can be such a twat to them) I don't draw attention to myself.

I've cried a few times when watching stuff on TV or at the cinema though and they haven't even noticed!

Tony2 · 15/12/2018 19:33

Crying is natural. When I was young I saw my grandfather crying when one of his sisters died. Sat alone in the back room, just gently weeping. I was heartbroken for him, not in a bad way, just because there was nothing I could do.i loved him to bits.

AppleJuiceFlood · 15/12/2018 19:36

My children see me crying regularly, usually at something sad or happy on the tv. I am
a bit of a crier.

They have seen me cry lots when my FIL died and they cried with me. They saw their dad cry too. Emotions are not something to be bottled up and I hate all the stiff upper lip stuff.

Life has happy and sad moments and they need to know it’s fine to cry.

Notonthestairs · 15/12/2018 19:39

I cried in front of my kids after my mum died. I always said that it just showed how much I loved her. I think the phrase "letting the sad out" is a great way to approach it - positive thinking and making it clear that sometimes it is necessary.

delilahbucket · 15/12/2018 19:42

I've cried in front of ds plenty of times and for various reasons. Stress, sad film, anger (for example when I reversed the car into the house and I was so cross with myself), physical pain. It isn't that often, maybe once or twice a year. I don't think he's fazed by it. I always tell him why I am crying and I think it's important children see it's ok to show emotion.

todayiwin · 15/12/2018 19:45

Crying is a normal emotion and feeling. Children need to see that it's ok to cry.

Don't do what my parents did and shield children from any emotion.

I'm still in years of therapy to help me display any kind of emotion

Tigger001 · 15/12/2018 19:54

I am not a cryer at all normally but I have cried In front of my DS often lately as I lost my mum and it devastated me, he was only 7months at the time and is now 16 months.

He has been completely oblivious and on occasions laughed while I have a blubber, but as he gets older I think , in the right circumstances, it's fine to cry and I will adopt the explanation of " letting the sad out I bloody love that xx

SassitudeandSparkle · 15/12/2018 20:01

I think children find adults crying for emotional reasons a bit scary if they don't understand the reason behind it tbh - bereavement they can probably understand, adult having a bad day is probably beyond their comprehension (unfortunately!).

So yes if hurt or bereaved, otherwise sneak off somewhere.

Soubriquet · 15/12/2018 20:03

I try not to as my dd is so sensitive it usually triggers her crying but sometimes it can’t be helped

I usually explain to her why I’m crying and that it’s ok to cry sometimes and that I’m not hurt.

We have a nice big cuddle and carry on

toolazytothinkofausername · 15/12/2018 20:07

Lol when DS1 was four I ran into the stairs and it hurt so bad I started crying. DS1 came up to me and said "I didn't realise robots could cry". According to DS1 he thought I was a robot because he didn't think a human would marry daddy. Oh dear.

purpleme12 · 15/12/2018 20:10

Well I do cry in front of mine.
I can't keep it in.
Maybe I am doing the wrong thing. But I'm doing all I can in life on my own.
I explain why I say it's ok bla bla bla and most of the time she's been lovely
But this is me

PeonyTruffle · 15/12/2018 20:13

I cried in front of DS after he had fallen head first down our stairs. I felt so guilty and worried he was really hurt.
This was last year and he still talks about it now "Remember when I fell down the stairs and banged my head and went to hospital and YOU CRIED MUM"
He's 4 and it's nice for him to know that we're not robots and people have feelings.

todayiwin · 15/12/2018 20:14

@Tigger001 I love that!!!! Letting the sad out ❤️

So sorry for your loss Thanks

todayiwin · 15/12/2018 20:14

@toolazytothinkofausername GrinGrin

CheerfulMuddler · 15/12/2018 20:18

I cry in front of mine. Not often, but I do.
My mum used to cry in front of me sometimes when I was a kid. I don't remember being particularly traumatised by it, just sad that she was sad.

bobstersmum · 15/12/2018 20:31

When I was nearly 7 my best friend in the whole world died unexpectedly. I can clearly remember having a massive lump in my throat all the time and feeling so sad and missing her, but I choked back tears. I remember thinking I mustn't cry. I have no idea why but I can't remember my parents showing any emotion so I think I thought it was wrong or inappropriate. I am quite an emotional person now that I'm older, not a crying wreck, but things do get to me, sad films, long lost family! Lol, I do cry in front of my children if something is sad or touching, because I want them to know its ok to express emotion. For the reason I've explained.

todayiwin · 15/12/2018 20:59

@bobstersmum snap! I was the same, I can remember being at a funeral at 13 and my DM said don't cry, we don't cry

To this day, 37 years later it still haunts me

WhyAmISoCold · 15/12/2018 21:25

I've never cried in front of my DCs, apart from a handful of times when DS was a baby. DH has hardly ever seen me cry either. I've never seen anyone in my family cry even when people have died, they all his it away. I really struggle to show emotion and hate anyone seeing me cry.

Clawdy · 15/12/2018 21:53

On two occasions I remember my mother crying. Once it was when her father died, and I felt upset and saddened. The other time was when she'd had a row with my dad, and on that occasion I felt terrified and sick. It all depends on the circumstances. I certainly tried to not cry in front of my own children.

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