Say here things you can't say in real life

[squirrelnutkins1]

Interested to hear things people really wish they could say in real life, but can't, for whatever reason.

This is a safe space..... let's offload!!

I am not actually stupid. Maybe if you trained properly me when I started this job six weeks ago I would know what I was doing by now. So, no, I didn't 'forget' about that thing. I didn't know it EXISTED!!!

People at work some of your habits are vulgar and gross

Dr I booked a double app because I really needed your help today but you rushed me so again I couldn’t get a resolution sorted

I don’t care if you will bring the veg. That’s not the point

@Roxytherexy Beautifully beautifully put! Good luck and hope all goes well. (With the C-section. Not the meal!)

Stop lying! I know you make up random shit to make yourself sound better and I’ve let it slip as I know you’re actually insecure but your colleagues are all taking the piss out of you and having bets on what crazy thing you’ll say next...
to a new colleague who is lovely but lies : exaggerates constantly

I am so pleased that all of the horrible people in my life are now dead and I am just left with the lovely ones.

I am so glad that all of my kids have married good people who come from loving families and none of them have to put up with the shit that I did.

Can I add a wish too? I wish MNet had been around when I had a young family to give me the courage to leave.

I am fed up of you not dealing with things, there are cracks but you don't deal with them. It's going to explode soon and you won't be able to blame me for your failings. Stand up take responcibility and do what your paid for.

@Jellyonawonkyplate
You took the words right out of my mouth!!

I want to fuck my sexy colleague

Stop telling me your "problems" your not there for me for mine so kindly fuck off please. But no I will take you for coffee tomorrow again and listen because I'm a nice person

I finally see the real you. Devious, manipulative, jealous...

With friends like you who needs enemies.

I second badhairdy.

I can't even bring myself to moan about it.

I love you. I have loved you for the past three years. You message me every day but you have no idea that I even exist in that sense. You are looking for your Ms Perfect and yet I am here loving you, hurting when I don't hear from you, boosting your ego, whilst mine is non-existent.

Dear Neighbour,

You don’t live on a farm anymore - you live in a street, with neighbours and adjoining walls. Stop banging the bastard doors until midnight.

Stop banging the bastard new fancy French doors you’ve had, every time you go for a fag. And your wife. And your daughter, too. All evening.

And the new French windows? And the new kitchen? New wooden floors and the tearing down a wall .... TEN BASTARD MONTHS OF DRILLING/BANGING/KNOCKING and when you work from home it’s torture.

Yes - I like your cats. No I don’t like picking up their shit, especially when you’re standing in your garden having a fag and watching them come over to mine.

Yes, I know you own your house and you have a drive... maybe you can park your/your wife’s/your son’s or your daughter’s car on it so that you don’t take over the whole road and everyone else has to park in the next street?

And last but not least - how does your youngest child know we don’t have anything in our attic? If you’ve been up there I hope you fall through and land on a nailed board. Right in the crotch.

Thank you OP! I have so many more 🤣

Stop crunching so loudly. It's disgusting. And do you have to breathe quite so loudly?

I'm not " lucky" I work bloody hard all the time, at work, at home with the kids. I have ridiculously high standards. I practice self- discipline and self control every day. No I didn't just "fall on my feet".

Dear Colleague,

I know you enjoy WhatsApp-ing your boyfriend all day whilst at work, but please can you switch your phone on silent? It’s annoying. As is the sound on your tapping away at replies....

Also, you know when you throw rubbish in the office bin... and sometimes you find there’s an empty bag inside the bin? That wasn’t put there by tiny little elves working in the night. Oh no, that was ME. Maybe some day you can help out with the cleaning rota too?

Yes! I know you ordered five meals and some garlic bread but I'VE ONLY GOT TWO HANDS, I'M NOT A FUCKING OCTOPUS!

You told me you would never leave me. I want the entire world to burn for making your life harder. Too hard for you to cope with sober. I want you back and if that can't happen I pray that God takes me with you instead.

I won't do anything. Just pray to die rather than be left behind.

Please don't hug me, lovely work colleagues, I really hate to be touched.

I do like you a lot, I just don't like showing it physically.

@mykidsaremylife

Is it your emergency credit that’s run out? Are you able to top up tomorrow? If not, give your energy provider a ring and explain the situation- they can put credit on your meter than you pay back over the following two weeks. They’ll only do this once a year - I work with vulnerable families who also had to ring them when their emergency ran out.

Have you thought about having Smart Meters installed? I have them and I can keep an eye on when I’m running low.

If your emergency has ran out, you won’t be able to put it on until you top up

(1) Fuck the fuck off you poisonous little dwarf, then fuck off some more whilst you're at it 😁

(2) block the twat, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life

Brexit's going well, isn't it?!

I wish it was you instead of FIL.