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Original poster

WWYD- pulling kid out of nativity play

174 replies

ferrisbulerisonabreak · 04/12/2018 11:19

I don't want my kid to take part in of nativity play due to religious reasons. We have decided that we will keep her home instead of sending her in on that day. I want to know how to approach the school about it and will I have to take authorised leave or unauthorised?

Please don't go off topic by saying I should be letting my child participate in it and such. We have made our decision. Whether you agree with or not is not up for discussion. Just want to know where we stand and how to approach the school with it.

OP posts:
TamiTayorismyparentingguru · 04/12/2018 11:24

I have no wisdom to impart re how to approach it with the school, other than to say I hope to goodness your DC’s school is some weird anomaly where they have only just started practicing for the play this week and not for the last month like most schools. To pull out at the last minute when a ton of practising has been done is both unfair and disrespectful to the staff and the other children.

The only other thing I would say is that while it is your right to say that your child is not taking part, I’m not sure they need a whole day off because it - usually nativity plays only take up an afternoon or a morning.

On that note - what are your plans for all the rehearsal time? Are you planning to withdraw your child from school for the next few weeks?

itsboiledeggsagain · 04/12/2018 11:27

Just say you don't want your child in the play. The school will give them reading or something to do. But don't delay as thry will be spending quite a bit of time on it daily already

missyB1 · 04/12/2018 11:27

Well you will just have to tell the truth and I suspect it will be recorded as an unauthorised absence. Or she sits and watches the Nativity, or perhaps you have a problem with that as well?

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NonaGrey · 04/12/2018 11:27

I’d think the best course of action would be to address it honestly and straightforwardly with the school.

You have a larger issue than the play itself though - there will be numerous practices in advance, learning songs, decorating scenery etc. You’ll have to consider how that will be dealt with (both with the school and with your DD)

There’s other things to consider too, the school Christmas party will no doubt have a visit from Santa and it’s possible that a theatre company will come to the school and do a panto or Christmas play.

Orchiddingme · 04/12/2018 11:29

I don't think this is an issue. I don't think you need to pull your child out of school- just inform the school that for religious reasons you don't want them taking part in the nativity. They will find them something else to do on that day or tell you what to do.

There's no need to make a fuss, children are withdrawn from worship all the time and were 40 years ago when i was at school. Tell the school now so they can plan ahead.

babysharkah · 04/12/2018 11:32

Haven't you left it a bit late, have they not b n allocated a part already? Dcs nativity is next week.

ExhaustedPigeon · 04/12/2018 11:33

You are within your rights to ask that your child does not take part in religious education. This includes assemblies and nativity plays. Have you not spoken to the school already about this or are you ok with the rest of it? It won’t be an issue - we often have children who aren’t taking part and they take some work or a book to another class while we are doing the things they can’t do. I would speak to them soon though as I’m assuming you don’t want them rehearsing it either and from the schools pov they need to know that someone isn’t going to be in it so they can plan accordingly. I would speak to the school about whether they would prefer that she miss the day of the play or if they are happy to organise something for her during that time - I would guess it depends on the size of the school and the plans for the day

Alaaya · 04/12/2018 11:33

I think you need to tell the school your DD can't participate in Christmas activities for religious reasons and leave it to them. That also means they can find something for her to do during rehearsals etc - reading a book in the library or something. I think if you actually remove her from the school it would be an unauthorised absence.

RiverTam · 04/12/2018 11:35

Just tell them you don't want her involved, unless rehearsals for the play are well underway in which case suck it up and be better organized next year if it's that important.

MrsJayy · 04/12/2018 11:38

Just say you don't want her taking part in religious activities and keep her off i suspect it will be an unauthorised but as long as you let school know, I imagine schools are used to "non Christian" children being withdrawn.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 04/12/2018 11:39

Obviously it’s your right to do this, but how does your dc feel about missing out on something that all her friends are excited about? Plenty of kids of other religions (and none) take part in nativity plays, just in a “this is what some people believe” kind of way. But if you’ve made up your mind then the best thing to do is speak to the school ASAP and come up with a plan, for all the rehearsals etc as well as the play itself. (FWIW my mum was also very anti all church-y stuff, it just made me want to go all the more.)

MrsJayy · 04/12/2018 11:40

You might have left it a bit late though rehersals are probably well underway so you will need to say asap

00100001 · 04/12/2018 11:42

... surely it's all a bit late now - surely your child has already been in rehearsals... ? Confused

grasspigeons · 04/12/2018 11:44

You just tell them and they find something else for her to do. if you keep her off it will be an unauthorised absence. If they ask you to keep her off they shouldn't, they should provide an alterative thing to do.

jenthelibrarian · 04/12/2018 11:45

My atheist compromise on this issue was to ask the teacher, quietly and without major fuss, to cast my child in the role of a real human, not one of the 'divine' characters and certainly not as an angel.
Kid got included, we saw the performance, no one thought we were being unusually difficult.

cjt110 · 04/12/2018 11:52

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purplecorkheart · 04/12/2018 11:53

How old is your child? How do they feel about it? Is it a religious school?

Mookatron · 04/12/2018 11:53

Not sure why you're asking this question on here. The correct people to talk to are at the school. You don't need to be aggressive about it. Or overly apologetic either. Just ask them.

MrsJayy · 04/12/2018 11:56

Tbf most Schools in the Uk do nativity andChristmas even non denomination primaries so withdrawing children is the only option for parents.

Fink · 04/12/2018 11:57

You won't get authorised time of school for this. If you don't want her to take part in the play, she will have to sit in another class or do whatever that school normally does for children who are excluded from their class. As pp have said, whatever you do, do it quickly as your dd has probably already been rehearsing a role and they'll need as much time as possible to find another child to fill it.

For future years, if you intend to do this again, you should have told them around October half term so that the others weren't disrupted. Your dd will also have to sit in another class while the whole class rehearses for one lesson or more during most of November, unless you don't mind her being present for that.

SylvanianFrenemies · 04/12/2018 12:00

Just speak to the school and explain the situation.
Shouldn't be necessary to keep your child off, ime nativity only takes an hour or two, and the whole school isn't involved. She can do work in another class, office or library.

olivertwistwantsmore · 04/12/2018 12:00

IMO it's totally pointles just not sending her in to school that day. The class will have been practising for weeks. Much better to tell the teacher now so they can plan for your child not being there.

But God knows why you're apparently happy for your dc to do all the rehearsals but then not to do the actual performance!!

sallysummer · 04/12/2018 12:01

@jenthelibrarian that's very refreshing to read.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/12/2018 12:01

Yes, you can keep your child at home if you wish and yes, it will be unauthorised.

floodypuddle · 04/12/2018 12:04

I was this kid at school. They normally had me sit in an empty classroom by myself whilst they did practices etc. School will be accommodating but just be aware your kid might feel like you've put them on the naughty step...,