Does everyone do this? Am I normal or nasty?

[NastyorNice]

Are your inner thoughts always sweetness and light? Or do you secretly, fleetingly have judgy, bitchy thoughts?

Mostly I go through life not really having the inclination to judge others. I am in my 40s now - so also (pretty much) try not to care what other people think of me. As long as I am polite, kind and considerate any negative thoughts they have of me are probably a reflection of
their issues and not me.

But sometimes I do have bitchy thoughts come through my head. A
"Oh, those jeans are a bit snug" A "Love the new house, great new sofa - vile wallpaper." "Oh dear, she didn't look in the mirror in the daylight - her make up is very much cake-up". "I would not parent my children like that." That kind of thing. Sometimes irrelevant things (colour of a jumper) sometimes bigger things (boyfriend choices/parenting choices etc).

I never say any of the thoughts aloud. They are often so fleeting I barely register them. If I do notice them I kind of give myself a boot up the arse to remind myself it is not my place to judge/be a bitch and it is horrible to do so.

A quick background - slightly dysfunctional mother (possibly an understatement). Mother is very, very judgemental. If there was anything judgy to say, critical to comment on she would. About DSis more than me (I was golden child - it brings it's own issues). Also about anyone. Other family members, people in the street, if a critical comment could be made it would be. She would not comment to their faces (apart from DSis) but it would be behind their backs. FWIW I have disengaged hugely over the years (as has DSis) so I try not to let it bother me and I do pull DM on it should she make any such comments in front of me.

But I do sometime worry that I am actually, under the surface, just like her. Mean, judgy, bitchy and critical.

So am I the only one who has these horrible (albeit fleeting) judgmental thoughts - or am I normal?

Anyone who claime not to have some unpleasant thoughts about other people are LIARS.

You sound normal

Ha ha-do we share a brain N.O.N?

My mother is also judgmental, particularly about people's appearance. As children, we were effectively trained to think like this by her incessant comments, and so we all do, to a degree. She got it from hermother, and so on back into the mists of time.

The thing is now, my siblings and I don't articulate it (except very occasionally and for comic effect. It is usually ironic, understood as the kind of thing our mother would say and our grandmother used to say).

It's fine, you are allowed to have negative opinions, and to voice them as long as the people concerned can't hear you. Especially about vile wallpaper etc.

Mostly though, I just challenge myself and my Mum-thinking. Why does it matter? So what? As a result I find I have the thoughts less.

Yes of course, everyone does.

I don't really have thoughts like that. I'm usually too busy with the self-loathing.

As long as what's in your head, comes out of your mouth after it's been filtered, you're perfectly fine.

If everything in your head comes out unfiltered and uncensored, then no, that's not normal.

My face says,
"You're a wonderful person and I like you a lot"
My brain says,
"What a fucking cock headed douche bag"

I'd say you're normal, not sure I am..lol

I have loads of judgy, bitchy thoughts. I share them with DP but no one else.

Normal.

Op I think in your case you're not like your mother but you're almost hearing in your head what she would say. I suspect it's more her voice than yours - you just got in the habit of anticipating her remarks so much that they now they pop into your head as if they are your own.

In answer to your question though, yes we all think negative thoughts about each other. The important thing to remember is that more often than not there's more to a person's behaviour and decisions than we realise just by observing as an outsider. People are going through their own private battles or historical issues and may not do things that we would do but we are often witnessing one moment, there's always a bigger picture. As long as you treat people with kindness and respect, there's no harm in having an interior monologue that's sometimes a bit judgy! We're all muddling through life as best we can so maybe we all need to feel a bit superior every now and then.

Of course it's normal.

It's normal, and human nature. You sound like you have the self awareness to KNOW you would be unkind / unreasonable to say it out aloud, and that you have to filter between brain and mouth.

Normal

I'm not sure if it's normal or not but I'll admit to having similar thoughts but like you I generally keep them to myself

I do find that if I'm not in a good place myself mentally (i.e. feeling harassed/stressed etc) then I have more negative thoughts (about both myself and other people) than normal

I will have an internal word with myself every now and then and really focus on being more positive and non judgemental and find it really helps me feel better about myself

You're normal. I'm like that.

I think you’re overthinking it, OP. You sound entirely normal, and a nice person to worry about it.

Totally normal. Most of the time I dismiss them. Sometimes I do a bit of analysis (that really doesn't matter Lonny, why do you think it does?) which can sometimes lead me to think I'm not being particularly kind at the moment, or I'm under stress. It's a good way of catching myself when I'm not in a good place.
But I still think it's totally normal!

Maybe I am not normal because I don't go around thinking like this all the time. Occasionally yes, but not every day.

Oh thank God, I thought it was just me
If ever my internal monologue becomes external I would have to go and live on a remote island all by myself to avoid being chased by angry villagers with pitchforks and burning torches

I certainly hope it's normal as I do the same and have never given it a second thought. As long as you don't say them out loud, or obsess about them so that they fester into a giant, judgy loathing of the person as a whole, there's no harm done.

My mother was just like your, OP - and I do the same thing you do. But the way I see it, that's because my upbringing taught me that that's how people think and are, but I have proven I am not nasty like my mother as I never voice these fleeting thoughts and pretty much always tell myself to stop it mentally as soon as I have the thought! I can guarantee my mother has never done that.

You are totally, completely normal. I think most people do this, we all have internal, irrational dislikes and prejudices. You are ahead of a lot of other people in that you are aware of these thoughts and the unkindness and unfairness of some of them so you don’t voice them or allow them to affect your treatment of others.

I am a psychotherapist and have had clients come to me bec

Yes. I'm a fairly nice person but I have thoughts in my head that aren't even really mine. Like my brain can be a bit nasty but I don't actually mean it.

fafoutis that made me laugh out loud

I don't do this, but I am a total day dreamer with my head in the clouds so it's very likely I don't notice odd wallpaper or too tight jeans as I'm too busy walking around with my head thinking about something else

Of course it’s normal. Most of us have these thoughts, but don’t articulate them because we have filters in place that prevents us actually saying it out loud. Those that do have faulty filters...

Totally normal x