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Original poster

Boyfriend claiming and I'm pregnant

170 replies

nicoleginge · 01/12/2018 15:09

So I've moved in with my boyfriend and he's claiming Job Seekers Allowance and I've happily fallen pregnant.
He is looking for a job and he's really trying.
We are currently living with his parents and we both individually pay rent to them.
I do not support him money wise and we are now saving up for a baby.
I'm only on a 16 hour contract and Male about £130 a week.

How will this affect his JSA?
Because we have been told by some people that his would stop all together and we will have to live of £130 a week and save for a baby which is impossible.
It's really stressing me out.

About 2 years ago they took me to court for apparently frauding them. Which I didn't but because I didn't have enough evidence. Apparently a phone record and written evidence from the job center wasn't enough they still got me don't for it.

What do we do. We just want to have a happy life and get through this pregnancy without so much stress.

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 02/12/2018 07:06

@Readingonthetrain

contraception depression. I’m a doctor. There’s no such thing.

I understand the term 'contraception depression' isn't valid, however I thought it was recognised that hormonal contraception can alter mood... or was my GP just humouring me when she agreed to change my contraceptive from the pill to the coil due to low mood alone?
I'm not being argumentative, I'm genuinely curious?

Of course... There are many other methods of contraception, OP, not all are hormonal. It would be worth looking into your options after your pregnancy.

Readingonthetrain · 02/12/2018 07:11

poppins yes, hormonal contraception can alter mood, but to claim that you’ve got ‘happily’ pregnant because you have contraception depression (which doesn’t exist) is nonsense. As plenty of pp have pointed out there are a number of non hormonal contraception options.

FannyFanackerpants71 · 02/12/2018 09:45

Op, people are angry as you have been feckless. I started work at 18 and worked full time non stop until I was 30. By this time I had a career, my own home and my own money. Only then did I have a baby. I returned to work after and waited a further 6 yrs before having a second child. Again, went back to work. Sometimes having 2 jobs concurrently. I have only 2 DC's as that's all I can afford. My point is I had to think, plan,work and wait before starting my family. I think first off you should move back in with your parents and that takes care of the cohabiting issue. Then you need to find a full time job or a second job to support yourself and pay for all the things your baby will need. Temping is great for this and being pregnant does not prevent this. As for your boyfriend there is nothing stopping him from finding a job/jobs - particularly at this time of year. If he lives in an area of low employment then he will have to travel to where the jobs are. That's what buses, trains, cars and bikes are for! Basically you both need to put effort into supporting yourselves now and stop wasting time working out how to bleed the benefits system. The benefits system is there to help people who hit hard times, maybe one day I will need to avail of the system I have paid into all these years. It's not a lifestyle choice. Finally, if my son was living here with his girlfriend and she became pregnant I would hit the roof. It's clear that you and your partners income stream is no where near adequate to support you all so I assume both sets of your parents will no doubt have to put their hands in their pockets to help with baby basics and essentials. You are going to have to feed cloth and house yourselves and your baby for the rest of your lives so i suggest you get cracking with the job hunting this morning.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Benefits Families
Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 09:50

I think you’re being a bit unfair. I don’t mean to patronise OP but not everyone has the life skills or intelligence to make the choices you did Fanny. I did similar to you- in fact o waited until mid 30s when I was earning a high wage to have children so I wasn’t even depend on their father financially - but I do recognise that I had the upbringing and opportunities which allowed me to plan like this

Holidayshopping · 02/12/2018 09:53

What a crap situation you have put yourself in!

Why are you only working 16 hours-I would have left that company a long time ago if thgs all they could give me.

Why is your DH not working? When did he last work?

Where do you live where there are no jobs?

How do his parents feel about it?

What are you hoping will happen-like thebest case scenario?

Mookatron · 02/12/2018 10:03

This thread is painful to read. She asked 'what would you do' not 'what would you have done if you were fucking perfect '

In all honesty OP I would move out until he gets a job, if you can do that because you won't be able to claim individually.

As a taxpayer I think you should be able to claim help to look after your baby, who will be a human being and a member of the society we choose to live in when it's born, just so you know. Flowers

BishBoshBashBop · 02/12/2018 10:08

He is comitting benefit fraud.

The end.

AlaskanOilBaron · 02/12/2018 10:10

This thread is painful to read. She asked 'what would you do' not 'what would you have done if you were fucking perfect '

Hilarious.

FannyFanackerpants71 · 02/12/2018 10:12

@Mookatron This thread is painful to read. She asked 'what would you do' not 'what would you have done if you were fucking perfect '

I wouldn't commit benefit fraud and get a job.

AlaskanOilBaron · 02/12/2018 10:15

As if you'd have to be perfect to avoid find yourself intentionally pregnant by an unemployed layabout while living with his parents while committing benefit fraud.

Mookatron · 02/12/2018 10:22

You don't have to approve of anyone's decisions, but if you reckon you would never make any bad ones yourself you have zero emotional intelligence or empathy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/12/2018 10:32

The state will have neither emotional intelligence nor empathy when OP and her DP get busted for fraud. Again.

OP, you might enjoy your job but you’re hardly working any hours and now need to support yourself, your non-earning partner and the baby you’ve chosen to have. It’s not true that no one will hire you for anything now you’re pregnant. That’s bollocks.

It’s quite clear he won’t step up and take any responsibility, you seem okay with that, so you’ll have to.

Mookatron · 02/12/2018 10:37

The state will have neither emotional intelligence nor empathy when OP and her DP get busted for fraud. Again.

I agree, which is why I suggested she should move out. Or, yes, find more hours - good advice. The load of judgement and telling off about her current situation OP had had is self indulgent by the judgers and unpleasant, however.

FannyFanackerpants71 · 02/12/2018 11:16

@Mookatron I personally have made more than a few bad decisions in my life. The only person who paid for them was me. I had to take responsibility and deal with it myself. I didn't defraud the benefits system or expect the tax payer to bail me out. Nor did I expect my parents to step in. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. The OP is pregnant and now has to step up. Nobody will condone defrauding the benefits system. There is only one option open to OP and it involves hard work. Thats life and that's all I'm saying here. It strikes me that sometimes people who work hard, plan budget , sacrifice and sort their own lives out are then ridiculed as being perfect,having never made mistakes and emotionally devoid! It's not true. But it is true perhaps that we have a more pro active get up and go way of dealing with it, maybe it's that that gets people's backs up.

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 11:19

She’s not commitmenting benefit fraud though is she? From everything she’s said it’s the partner who should be informing DWP of his change in circumstances

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/12/2018 11:22

She’s the one with the previous offence so you’d think she’d be hot on not cocking up again.

You’re absolutely right he should be sorting it out he he seems to lack motivation so if OP doesn’t want to get in hot water when she wants a stress free pregnancy then pushing him to be honest or taking charge herself would be sensible.

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 11:22

But if Op isn’t the one claiming the benefit it’s not possible for her to get herself in hot water.

Mookatron · 02/12/2018 11:23

I'm not talking about no nonsense 'tough love' advice. That's not my style but i think it's fair enough if it helps. It's the long discussions of contraception and reprimanding someone for being pregnant that i find objectionable as it's both judgemental and utterly pointless at this stage.

Yes, OP will have to frame herself now. I'm not saying she should defraud the benefits system. But she should use any support she can legally get and try to look past some of the frankly hideous posts on here to see some of the good practical advice for where she is NOW - where other people are implying and outright claiming they could never find themselves.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/12/2018 11:25

The practical advice is to work more hours. By getting another job or a second job.

Pasithea · 02/12/2018 11:28

Nobody has the right to have children. But everybody has a duty of care to provide for the children they have and not rely on other people’s hard earned 40 percent tax to raise them .

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 11:29

No, to be honest I think a huge number of posters missed the main point of the thread and just wanted to pile on the OP.

GobbyMcGobshite · 02/12/2018 11:40

Do you have a citizens advice in your town/city? They will be the best people to offer advice on your situation.

If I were you I'd save for a rent deposit for a house and move out as soon as you can with your partner and then do a joint claim together. Council will help with housing after you pass a certain number of weeks pregnant so you will be entitled to a 2 bed(in most areas anyway, contact your local council to see their policies), but you could look for houses with private landlords in the meantime as long as you can afford the bedroom tax while the baby arrives.

Congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope all goes well Smile

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/12/2018 11:41

I think bc can make you feel quite shit if it doesn't agree with you. Probably less shit though than struggling on UC, freezing at best and possibly even starving. And or queuing at the food bank or the baby bank.

I don't agree with austerity cuts to benefits on any level whatsoever...but I'm curious to see how long it takes to affect the birth rate though.

AlaskanOilBaron · 02/12/2018 11:42

No, to be honest I think a huge number of posters missed the main point of the thread and just wanted to pile on the OP.

The OP seems genuinely unaware that her situation is ill-judged. This is why.

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 11:50

Really? So all those posts telling her she was committing benefit fraud meant something else then?

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