Trapped in a coffee shop because I’m being too British (LH)

[TaterHater]

I got a text this morning from a friend saying she was unwell and could we change our coffee date for tomorrow (no I’m working) but anyway- reply in the usual manner one does.

I decided to come into town and have a browse but coffee first- I grabbed my order and sat down and said unwell friend is in with a couple of friends and they’ve sat down. She hasn’t seen me yet.

I’m actually rooted to my seat and wondering how to get out without putting a bag on my head- no wait- I shouldn’t be embarrassed she should !

Every fibre of my being says sit and sip the coffee slowly and hope they get out fast or paper bag option.

I really did read it as tits like a ledge... envisaging a slightly craggy cliff face/ that big jutting rock from the lion king on your chest

Best thread in ages until I read OP refer to her cell phone

Who says cell phone in the UK?

I've told myself this story is true and is is either a foreigner living in the UK, or a Brit who's lived abroad for a significant length of time.

Who says cell phone?

Perhaps she tried to Facebook message the op but discovered she was already blocked and thought sod it, she's clearly already fallen out with me?

I'm sorry you've been let down by a friend- that is never a nice feeling. I wouldn't appreciate being lied to either. Walking like a ledge however. Not quite sure how one does that.......I hope it isn't too awkward when you have to see each other due to the children. If you e blocked her on SM though, there maybe a message there for you you can't see- although I would have expected a phone call to sort it from the other party- although I'd assume she is quite embarrassed at this point.

@OvertheRainbow2U

NARS matte soft concealer

You can thank me later.

She is not a friend. I would leave the coffee shop and send her a text saying you saw her there and you have zero tolerance for liars. Friendship over. People that can do that are flaky a*holes

Wonder how she’ll react at your joint social events...

I would send her a text saying 'glad to see you are feeling better' when she looks up, wave at her then cut her out of your life as she obviously doesn't deserve your friendship if she can't be honest with you. Hide for what?

just find it sad how little tolerance and patience anyone has. Although, like I say, I honestly doubt anyone in real life would actually end a friendship over this,

I'd have no problem ending a so-called friendship over lying. 'Something serious has come up with another mate today. Mind if we re-schedule? I'm really sorry.x'

Sorted. No need to lie.

Couldn’t agree more with Fairylightsandwine......I bet we’ve all told a fib in past thinking we were saving someone’s feelings . Doesn’t make it right but I bet we’ve all done it, even those that claim not!

Mad I live in central england and prefer to use the word 'cellphone' rather than 'mobile'. Not 'cell' tho, bizarrely.

It wasn't to spare the OP's feelings, it was because a better offer came up and then she expected the OP to be free the next day. It's flakey.

It's quite a British thing to lie like this. It's really not nice and as you can see, it doesn't spare peoples' feelings.

fairylightsandwine

She knows the days I work - she knows full well that I couldn’t have made the following day and no amount of her desperate and looking forward to it would’ve changed that.

This thread was and still is lighthearted at the end of a day and I started it to get me out of a sticky situation. I’m sure we’ve all been there when we’ve been backed into a corner and we panicked.

Friend is a very sociable SAHM with many friends that are similar including the two I know of that were there with her enjoying coffee.

Yes there are white lies , yes I tell/have told them.

I really haven’t ever feigned illness then gone out with other people doing the same thing knowing my pre-planned friend couldn’t make another day.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers and I’m as British as they get and still say cell Phone so there you go the FB check-in may have been in poor taste but there you go- that was my choice to call her out on it in my way (with a bit of viper input) joke

Totally agree with @Fairylightsandwine

Often on mumsnet people behave like this is an interactive soap opera, and encourage posters to behave in a way that is stupid but provides maximum entertainment for the rest of us.

I’ve been in that situation - sent a polite text saying I’d seen her out with x, and was a bit puzzled. Got back a very apologetic text explaining that x had a crisis that she’d felt unable to tell me about so had told a white lie, very sorry etc.

No problem, I understood and we are still friends ten years on. We don’t have to assume that everybody out there is a cow!

The fibbing is her problem not yours! Depending on your acting abilities you could have passed close to her table, done a pantomime double-take and then said "But I thought you sent me a text pleading sickness - or maybe I've got it wrong and it was someone else?"

Definitely do the up-speak on the last syllable - it'll add that subtle touch of sarcasm.

Wot.A.Lying.Cow.

But if it was another friend (or 2 in this case) in a bad way who needed support why would she lie about being ill. Surely she could tell the truth.

Maybe it was her who needed support from those 2 friends? Maybe she’d double booked and didn’t want to offend OP by seeming to choose the others?

a white lie about being ill is sometimes the nicest, politest way out of an awkward situation. It’s often advocated on here - anytime somebody wants to decline an invitation half the replies will tell them to accept then pretend to get ill.

It’s hardly crime of the century. Would have been better to give the friend the benefit of the doubt rather than destroy the friendship.

I'm feeling a little bit sorry for @TaterHater. Not only has an irl friend lied probably for no good reason as @TaterHater doesn't sound like a fierce person, but the Mumsnet was all up for WW3 and now criticizing her for a cheeky FB tag. It is over to the friend now to reach out and apologize. It wasn't crime of the century and no-one benefits from a not-talking split amongst the mums, but equally friend must make sure she keeps to the truth if she wants to cancel something in the future.

Nah. Sorry guys I’m afraid I’d find it too hard to trust again. She doesn’t have form in respectmto me but she does have a habit of love bombing friends -and then she and her husband dropping them quickly.

I think life’s too short to spend with flakey friends. We’re all busy and short on time- id rather spend what little free time I have with rock solid friends of which I’m lucky to have one or two.

Go home. On the way out of the coffee shop wave at her. And view this as a teaching moment and a life lesson.

Yeah, go home OP - you've been in that cafe toilet for 48 hours now!!

(Or RTFT, people!)

fairylights
I get where you’re coming from and totally agree

I’ve added to threads of a similar nature before and we tend to write what we ourselves would’ve liked to have done- liked to have done and what you really would do are usually strikingly disimilar

I think life’s too short to spend with flakey friends. We’re all busy and short on time- id rather spend what little free time I have with rock solid friends of which I’m lucky to have one or two.

I 100% agree. I'm from a culture where the whole lying to spare someone just isn't very on and looking at it, it's not even necessary. Just don't commit to something and then lie to get out of it. So flakey and immature and points to someone who is unreliable, can't be trusted and doesn't care about you or the friendship.

Really cannot abide flakes or liars. Life is too short for both.

I completely agree with @dontalltalkatonce
No need to lie.
I hate liars-white or not.