Trapped in a coffee shop because I’m being too British (LH)

[TaterHater]

I got a text this morning from a friend saying she was unwell and could we change our coffee date for tomorrow (no I’m working) but anyway- reply in the usual manner one does.

I decided to come into town and have a browse but coffee first- I grabbed my order and sat down and said unwell friend is in with a couple of friends and they’ve sat down. She hasn’t seen me yet.

I’m actually rooted to my seat and wondering how to get out without putting a bag on my head- no wait- I shouldn’t be embarrassed she should !

Every fibre of my being says sit and sip the coffee slowly and hope they get out fast or paper bag option.

Fuck that. I’d give them a cheery wave and demand to know if she’s feeling better, whilst accidently tipping my coffee over her*

*of course I wouldn’t, I’d probably hide in the sofa like you.

You shouldn’t be embarrassed! Have a nice time in town :) use this coffee break time to practice your response if you bump into her... “oh it’s so nice to see you! Are you bouncing back alright”, as if you don’t care that she’s out with other people...

Yes this is very secondary school!

Definitely a cheery hi and ask how she’s feeling, then when she waffles a reply just say “I must be off! Running late” and walk out.
How embarrassing for her.

I’d make sure she saw me as I was leaving then give her a disappointed look and leave. Wait for the BS excuse text!

I can’t stand situations like the one your in. Why lie and then go to the same place?

oooh cheeky mare!!

I second jaffa's suggestion, wait till you are done, swan over , say you are glad she's feeling better, good job it wasn't anything contagious for her LOVELY friends and stalk right out.

the cheek of some people!

I'd make sure she'd seen me, and say "oh so glad you're feeling better".

She's the one to be embarrassed, not you.

When you’re ready get up and leave and give her a big wave and say “hey there” with a smile. Don’t just sit there you e done nothing wrong.

Style it out - on your way out just swan by and do 'Hi, glad to see you're feeling better so quickly, byee' super casual and don't stop for her to say anything

Send a text - "just heading into town, fancy a festive cuppa and a read. Would you like anything picking up?". Then watch her squirm

Why would she go to the same coffee place as normal? This is her issue not yours. Definitely go for the "ooh hello Sheila, feeling better?" cheery response as you swan out the door.

Txt her and ask how she’s feeling

I'd brazenly say "Glad you're feeling better now." and leave her stuttering into her coffee whilst I left. She's at fault, why should you be embarassed?

Text her to ask how she's feeling. Then when she says she's feeling crap, send her a photo of her sitting in the coffee shop.

Or stand leaning against your sofa arm and call her to see how she is and look surprised when the phone rings so close to you.

You should text her now with a “thinking of you, hope you’re feeling better” and check out her face when she gets it.
Actually probably don’t do that. It would be funny though.

Oh, cross posted!

Try and attract attention to yourself by spilling some coffee) making a fuss so she notices you but don't let on you've seen her then sit back and watch as the Britishness unfolds and she panics and either slips out or finds her own paperbag 😂

Oh my god
I want to do all the things on here!

Why CANT I?

Please make sure she sees you, this is called karma

You will always regret it if she doesn't find out you're there. If you can't face talking to her, text her. She's the one who should be embarrassed here. She's a cow and needs to know you know it!

I would also feel compelled to say glad you feel better and skip off shopping

Hmm... who is sitting nearest the door, you or her? I'd say sit grimly for several hours if necessary until she has to brush past you on her way out, leaving her wondering how long you'd been silently sitting there for...

Being a wet lettuce has nothing to do with being British. Grow up. Just carry on as if she's not even there. Some friend. Send her one text, 'Nice to know I was dumped for a better offer. That always gives me such a festive glow! I'm sat here looking at your right now. Oh, well, frees me up to find some real friends now. Bye!' and then fucking block the bitch. Get a spine and stop feeling embarrassed that some flake lied to you and stood you up.

Lupins
I’m not in the same coffee shop- I’m in a town 12 miles away in another coffee shop (thought I’d start my xmas shop)

I’m in a fancy high back chair but can see them all in the reflection of the sign on the wall

Teach her a lesson op, she'll think twice about doing it again if she knows she's been caught out!