What should I have done in this scary situation

[missbonita]

Sorry if this is long, I am feeling incredibly stressed and anxious after a frightening experience last night didn't sleep at all. I would really appreciate it if anyone has time to read this and talk it thru/reflect on what happened and my reaction to the incident/what I should have done. Please do not berate me for not filming everything etc, it didn't occur to me at the time and that is part of what I am trying to figure out.

At 7pm I was driving DD and her friend home and a car containing 4 men started behaving very erratically behind me. They then pulled upon alongside me where a wide road was narrowing so I stopped to let them past, they flashed their lights so I started to move forward, then they sped forward so I slammed the brakes on a narrowly missed them. They then started gesturing to me to get out of the car, I locked the doors and got my phone out of my handbag.

They drove forward and pulled over. I passed them and came to a roundabout. They sped next to me and raced forward again lurching in front of my car, I again slammed the brakes on and this time 2 men got out of the car and made threatening gestures towards me then approached my car. I locked the doors and pressed 999 into my phone then slowly moved forward round them, off the roundabout and onto a more lit top area with more traffic. I pulled up at some traffic lights and they appeared again at the side of me. I told DD and friend to not look at them as they were leering and gesticulating at them. They again got out of the car and approached my vehicle. I reversed back and made a right turn away from them and stopped. I turned to try and get the numberplate and they jumped back into the vehicle and sped away nearly colliding with 2 other vehicles which had to swerve to avoid being hit.

I was shaking all night, and have been sick twice today. I realise this is an over reaction.

They were 4 men, aged 25-35 I would guess in a new Audi car. I think with hindsight that it was an attempt at a 'crash for cash' scam but at the time with DD and her friend in the car, and due to the nature of my work with vulnerable young adults, I was mostly terrified for their safety. The area where we live has had repeated problems with 'grooming gangs' and these men utterly terrified me.

What could I have done better to keep us all safe and is there anything I can do to prevent myself from being the target of aggression? I was verbally abused by a taxi driver last week (he parked in my space at work and I asked him politely to move), and a courier the week before (he couldn't turn his truck in my driveway). This didn't used to happen to me frequently and I feel on edge and really quite ill. I am sorry for being a 'drama queen', I don't want attention or sympathy, but would really appreciate some advice from the calm, sane, rational women of MN to help me make sense of the incident and my confusion today.

thanks and sorry it is so long

I'm sorry I don't know the answer but I would have been terrified. I think you did very well given the circumstances. It's a shame you couldn't get the numberplate but understandable. Your priority must have been your safety and the safety of the children.

That sounds awful, I hope you start to feel better soon.

Did you report it to the police? Invest in a dash cam if you can afford it, it may give you peace of mind.

You aren't being a drama queen or over reacting at all. Sound bloody awful.
I'm sorry this happened x

Please report this to the police, I had an incident similar but nowhere near as bad happen to me and the police took it very very seriously and it turned out t fed into a pattern of behaviour from this man. The police may be able to look at CCTV and identify the car, especially near the roundabout, if it's big enough they often have CCTV.

Report them. The incident may have been caught on cctv.
My dh was shoved onto the pavement in a city centre. His car was damaged passenger side. Luckily he had dropped ds off not picked up. He reported it, no footage which i found hard to believe in a city centre but worth a try op.

wow, that is pretty sustained attack.

I would recommend calling the police. They may be able to get their number from a CCTV camera. I think it is bad enough to be worth reporting.

Well done you for keeping your head and keeping the car locked and getting you all out safely.

Do focus on that, that you got everyone out safely from a dangerous situation.

A dash cam sounds like a good idea.

Awful. Absolutely report them. They are only going to do it to others.

I don't think your overreacting. That sounds absolutelt fucking horrible. I don't know what else you could have done really, did you speak to the police after calling 999, what they say? I'm sorry you feel like a drama queen because you really don't sound like one. I probably wouldn't have had the balls to stop and try and get a registration. I'd have just tried to get away.

I reckom it's just a nasty coincidence that you've had a couple of recent shitty experiences so it comes together feeling like a pattern or like something you're doing wrong. In reality it's just unfortunate and the little events one after the other probably make everything feel worse.

If you want to feel like you can get some more knowledge about these kinds of things I can recommend the book 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker and 'Conflict Communication' by Rory Miller. I truly don't think you did anything wrong but those books might give you some future tools.

Hope you are are a bit better now OP

Unfortunately this sort of thing is happening quite a lot now in the UK, lone women drivers are getting more and more harassment from male drivers. I too have been on the receiving end and it's horrible.

I don’t think you over reacted at all. You managed to get safely out of a dangerous situation. Are you going to report to the police?

I’d have been terrified too ((hugs))

Why haven't you reported this?

Def report to police.

That sounds really scary, especially with two young girls in car.

It’s hard to know what you could have done differently, without having been there at the time, but it sounds like you did as much as any of could in the circumstances.

You should definitely call the police, it could help piece together other reports.

Be kind to yourself, your body is reacting to the shock.

Report to police they will catch them

Get a decent quality dashcam for both front and rear windows.

Make sure your doors are locked whenever you're in your vehicle.

What an awful experience, no wonder you feel shaken up and vulnerable, you didn't do anything to provoke the situation. Can you afford to invest in a dashcam? I wouldn't hesitate to call the police in that situation.

Op, report it to the police with as much detail as you can remember. They may be able to pick them up on cctv and work out the Reg number.
Also, they need to know this has happened and will almost certainly happen to someone else.
You did very well

Seriously sounds awful, please report to the police! Well done for dealing with it so well too

You weren't overreacting OP and you handled it brilliantly. Did you manage to get their reg in the end?

You're definitely not overreacting, you had young people in the car too! I'd like to think that I'd have reacted the same as you - you got out of the situation. It is a shame you didn't get the number plate but as pp's have said the police may have even been informed of these men previously so it's beneficial for them to know.

Well done on your quick thinking to escape the situation!

It definitely sounds like a scam to try and cause a crash. I've heard of a similar incident recently but not as sustained as this - you should definitely report.

In terms of handling yourself in other situations, I would say as hard as it may seem, try to stay calm. I had an old man shout and scream at me in the street last week. I could see he was mentally unstable and stayed calm and moved away. The delivery driver and taxi guy in your examples above though, I would tell them firmly but calmly not to speak to you that way. Report to their companies if they persist!

You poor girl, I would have been terrified. Be kind to yourself today.

thank you all so much, I thought it was over reaction as I wasn't actually attacked. My brain went berserk and I was totally calm at the time but thinking really crazy things - which I remember - for example I decided that if they touched the door handles I would speed away regardless of whether I hit them or their car. It was utterly terrifying. I have been in more dangerous situations - for example I was once on a boat that sank - but I didn't react like this. I think I am in shock.

I will report to the police, although I am not at all sure they will take it seriously, and will investigate getting a dash cam asap - has anyone got any suggestions on brands?

I really appreciate the time you've all taken to reply. I feel so shaken and alone. Thank you

No I don't think you're overreacting, and sadly I doubt it was even a crash for cash scam. This has happened to me twice, men actively intimidating me while I've been driving (either alone or with babies in the car who are not necessarily visible). It is frightening and makes you feel vulnerable and I think that's all they want to achieve. I have reported to police but there was little they could do.

A couple of years ago there was a thread on here about a woman who had a similar experience while driving in a remote rural area (I also live rurally though not remote) and women flooded the thread with their own experiences.

There is something about being in your car that makes you feel a little detached from others around you. This is why we feel less restrained about swearing at someone in our way when we would likely apologise and smile if someone crossed our path without looking while walking. I think this is an extreme version of that, men targeting lone women or vulnerable women and children while out driving. It's almost as if it's sport to them. I find it quite disturbing.

When it has happened to me I have been genuinely shaken by it. Don't feel silly OP, they wanted you to feel afraid. It was genuinely frightening and your reaction is appropriate. Please do report it to police.