What should I have done in this scary situation

[missbonita]

Sorry if this is long, I am feeling incredibly stressed and anxious after a frightening experience last night didn't sleep at all. I would really appreciate it if anyone has time to read this and talk it thru/reflect on what happened and my reaction to the incident/what I should have done. Please do not berate me for not filming everything etc, it didn't occur to me at the time and that is part of what I am trying to figure out.

At 7pm I was driving DD and her friend home and a car containing 4 men started behaving very erratically behind me. They then pulled upon alongside me where a wide road was narrowing so I stopped to let them past, they flashed their lights so I started to move forward, then they sped forward so I slammed the brakes on a narrowly missed them. They then started gesturing to me to get out of the car, I locked the doors and got my phone out of my handbag.

They drove forward and pulled over. I passed them and came to a roundabout. They sped next to me and raced forward again lurching in front of my car, I again slammed the brakes on and this time 2 men got out of the car and made threatening gestures towards me then approached my car. I locked the doors and pressed 999 into my phone then slowly moved forward round them, off the roundabout and onto a more lit top area with more traffic. I pulled up at some traffic lights and they appeared again at the side of me. I told DD and friend to not look at them as they were leering and gesticulating at them. They again got out of the car and approached my vehicle. I reversed back and made a right turn away from them and stopped. I turned to try and get the numberplate and they jumped back into the vehicle and sped away nearly colliding with 2 other vehicles which had to swerve to avoid being hit.

I was shaking all night, and have been sick twice today. I realise this is an over reaction.

They were 4 men, aged 25-35 I would guess in a new Audi car. I think with hindsight that it was an attempt at a 'crash for cash' scam but at the time with DD and her friend in the car, and due to the nature of my work with vulnerable young adults, I was mostly terrified for their safety. The area where we live has had repeated problems with 'grooming gangs' and these men utterly terrified me.

What could I have done better to keep us all safe and is there anything I can do to prevent myself from being the target of aggression? I was verbally abused by a taxi driver last week (he parked in my space at work and I asked him politely to move), and a courier the week before (he couldn't turn his truck in my driveway). This didn't used to happen to me frequently and I feel on edge and really quite ill. I am sorry for being a 'drama queen', I don't want attention or sympathy, but would really appreciate some advice from the calm, sane, rational women of MN to help me make sense of the incident and my confusion today.

thanks and sorry it is so long

I didn't get the reg and only know it was a dark blue Audi estate with 4 men inside. I could identify the men no problem. I was seeing them in my head all night last night :(

Has anyone experienced anything like this where you actually 'see' in your minds eye awful things happening? Last night I was imagining them dragging DD away and beating me and stabbing me - totally over the top and crazy, I was shaking and thought maybe I had gone mad and imagined the whole thing. DD and her friend are fine, they said I was 'cool' - but I am not cool at all. I am crying at my desk at work talking to you about it and hiding how scared I was. With hind sight she should have recorded it.

Definitely report to the police. There will certainly be cameras around that picked up the incident. How frightening for you.

yes alwatys drive away if u can and to a police station if anyone tries to get into yor car-or drive home and phone them

The only thing you could have done differently is actually call 999.
How old is your dd? Could she have called while you drove?

You definitely did not overreact! Sounded like an incredibly terrifying situation- I would have been exactly the same way as you today!💐Definitely report to the police even though you didn't manage to get a number plate. You can still describe the car and the men to them and they might even get more calls if they've harassed other people!

Such dangerous and illegal behaviour- some people should be put down I swear!🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm glad you're reporting it to the police and if you describe as you have done here they will absolutely take it seriously! You're possibly not the only one and the police might be able to find them on cctv.

And I agree you definitely need a dash cam. Everyone does. No car should be without one.
I have a Kaiser Baas R40 which has an amazing picture and providing you have a good car battery can be left on and it works in parking mode where it records small clips. It also keeps a record of your journeys with speeds etc. If an incident happens you can wave your hand under it and it permanently stores the clip for the last 10 seconds and following 10 seconds until you delete it. It also does that in the event of a collision or harsh movement.

Yes DD is 13, mature and sensible, she could have called the police and videoed them. I didn't think to ask her. The Police station wasn't far but it didn't occur to me. Thanks for this, really helping.

missbonita it must have been a truly awful experience - I think you did everything you possibly could and are not over-reacting in the slightest.

Please do report this as I bet they have done it to other people- if you have one near you then go into the police station itself rather than using 111. What those men did IS a crime - intimidation and harassment as well as dangerous driving.

I am getting a dash cam for sure, asap.

I feel like I am attracting the attention and aggression so what you are saying is very helpful.

You should definitely report it to the police, and it would probably be helpful for you to talk to a counsellor as well. It sounds like a terrifying experience and perhaps you could use some techniques to make sure that you don't end up having PTSD-style flashbacks.

Hi OP, I totally get your reaction and completely sympathise with what your head has been doing to you since.

The difference between this and the sinking boat is the evil intent on the part of those men -- as you have probably understood they were out to "get" at you. They really had nasty intentions and that can be terribly shocking to face up to.

Treat yourself kindly, don't worry about re-playing the incident and even elaborating with all sorts of crazy extra scenes, I am totally capable of doing this too.

I like the sound of those dash cams and am thinking of ordering one for myself now.

Thank you @shockthemonkey I feel like someone might attack me at any moment - is that normal? Last night I was thinking about buying a weapon (I would never do that but I feel like `I am losing the plot). They were so aggressive and waving their fists, sticking their bottom jaws out - I have never seen men behave like that before and I have seen fights and things. :(

This sounds terrifying. Well done for keeping everyone safe and remaining calm. Agree with what's been said about reporting to police now and considering a dash cam. Only thing I can add is that I has a much less serious episode in the past and I drove into a petrol station- well lit and loads on cctv. He drove in behind me. I stayed in my locked car and got phone out to call police then he drove away.

DEFINITELY not an overreaction!!

They may have been on drugs or something. Absolutely shocking for you. Hate to think of this happening. Please report to police. So sorry you feel so anxious but completely understandable - was traumatic - you felt genuinely in fear for your lives and you were chased and threatened - definition of traumatic experience! Please don’t blame yourself. Can you get some support from someone in real life - try contacting Victim Support?

Well if I'm ever in a similar situation I hope I manage to remain as calm and quick-thinking as you missbonita

Be kind to yourself, you were in a horrible situation and I'm not surprised you feel so shaken up.

Definitely not an overreaction, I would have been terrified. At least you were able to think clearly enough to get out of danger. Report to police in case they can check the route for cctv.
If you’re worried it might happen again, dash cam is a good idea. And think about what else you can do if it does happen again, so rehearse it in your mind, rather than dwelling on what could have happened. Turn your thoughts to what you will do next time, maybe ask whoever is with you to call 999, start taking a video to capture their faces, drive to the police station, beep your horn repeatedly etc.

Another one saying you absolutely haven't overreacted. That sounds terrifying. You poor thing. If you can report please do.

Definitely not an over-reaction. Report to police now and in that situation again, don't hesitate to call 999. Remember, even if the police can't physically get to you there are live CCTV traffic feeds which can help them identify cars etc.

I have to say, it sounds like you did really really well though, I'm not sure I would have been able to drive like that under pressure

I can't offer anymore advice more than the other people hear. But I'm sending my and hugs. How horrible for you. Please see your doctor if u struggle you may have a bit of pstd. All the best.

You aren't overreacting, call the police as it may help with an investigation if it happened to anyone else.

I feel like you did all you could do- you did the right thing not getting out of the car for sure.

God, very frightening. I think you handled it well actually.

I also think your reaction today is normal and not overreacting at all. It reminds me of when you first have a baby and you go a little bit mad imagining all the bad things that can happen - abductions, runaway cars, freak accidents with carving knives falling off kitchen surfaces... it's all a way of processing a rush of information about newly perceived dangers. I think you are just processing what happened in a way that can make you feel more in control now that you've been made forcibly aware such a thing might plausibly happen. The technicolor nature of it all will calm down as the days and weeks go by. You're not losing your mind.

Fwiw, I've become aware of a massive increase in male-on-female aggression on the road in the last 6-12 months. I feel like it coincided with the World Cup, but I may be wrong about that. It's hard to know how to resist it, how to balance not becoming a victim of violence with not becoming a victim of fear.

OP, and

but you were attacked op.your bravery helped you escape that's all.
but you are away now.you are safe.remember that every times your head take you back to that fear state your not there anymore your hear.weve got you.your safe.
report them and make sure they listen.you might not have number plate but every report means something.and its also a little strength to you too for doing what you can to stop this happening.
you cant say how you will react from one incident in life to the next.dont worry or try to rationalise why or whether you should.becasue this has happened and you have felt like this due to it.and that's ok.your warrented those feelings.
your not alone.
this says everything on them and nothing on you.
im so glad your safe.
im in awe of you actually.that you kept managing to keep it together and manoeuvre away. I don't know how you did that! that shows an incredible woman if you ask me.
take it gently today.have you anyone you can get a cuddle from.or even someone to phone and just ge tthis talked over and out of your head and it spinning in there.
we are all here.you were increble.well done

This sounds terrifying, I would've shat myself. Definitely not overreacting.

When I was a teenager something similar happened to my family on holiday whilst in a rental car on the motorway, not to the same extent but basically forced to pull over, it was more under the pretence of there was something wrong with the car. They distracts my parents then stole all our handbags from the passenger seat with 100s of Euro's in, I think it's not uncommon in the area we were in. It could be that this is what the men were after - your handbag etc? Or just intimidation, some people are horrible.

You poor thing that sounds absolutely terrifying you are not overreacting at all.

The police take this seriously. Their advice to me was to drive to a petrol station - well lit, cctv, other people present.

I relate to this from when I was being pursued in a sustained road rage situation and I felt like a hunted animal. I felt afraid of men with beards for a long time afterwards (it was in the days when not many men had beards, unlike now!). Like you it didn't occur to me to take the number. I was just so frightened.

It sounds like you have ptsd type flashbacks - I'm not surprised. Definitely see your gp and definitely report this to the police.