What should I have done in this scary situation

[missbonita]

Sorry if this is long, I am feeling incredibly stressed and anxious after a frightening experience last night didn't sleep at all. I would really appreciate it if anyone has time to read this and talk it thru/reflect on what happened and my reaction to the incident/what I should have done. Please do not berate me for not filming everything etc, it didn't occur to me at the time and that is part of what I am trying to figure out.

At 7pm I was driving DD and her friend home and a car containing 4 men started behaving very erratically behind me. They then pulled upon alongside me where a wide road was narrowing so I stopped to let them past, they flashed their lights so I started to move forward, then they sped forward so I slammed the brakes on a narrowly missed them. They then started gesturing to me to get out of the car, I locked the doors and got my phone out of my handbag.

They drove forward and pulled over. I passed them and came to a roundabout. They sped next to me and raced forward again lurching in front of my car, I again slammed the brakes on and this time 2 men got out of the car and made threatening gestures towards me then approached my car. I locked the doors and pressed 999 into my phone then slowly moved forward round them, off the roundabout and onto a more lit top area with more traffic. I pulled up at some traffic lights and they appeared again at the side of me. I told DD and friend to not look at them as they were leering and gesticulating at them. They again got out of the car and approached my vehicle. I reversed back and made a right turn away from them and stopped. I turned to try and get the numberplate and they jumped back into the vehicle and sped away nearly colliding with 2 other vehicles which had to swerve to avoid being hit.

I was shaking all night, and have been sick twice today. I realise this is an over reaction.

They were 4 men, aged 25-35 I would guess in a new Audi car. I think with hindsight that it was an attempt at a 'crash for cash' scam but at the time with DD and her friend in the car, and due to the nature of my work with vulnerable young adults, I was mostly terrified for their safety. The area where we live has had repeated problems with 'grooming gangs' and these men utterly terrified me.

What could I have done better to keep us all safe and is there anything I can do to prevent myself from being the target of aggression? I was verbally abused by a taxi driver last week (he parked in my space at work and I asked him politely to move), and a courier the week before (he couldn't turn his truck in my driveway). This didn't used to happen to me frequently and I feel on edge and really quite ill. I am sorry for being a 'drama queen', I don't want attention or sympathy, but would really appreciate some advice from the calm, sane, rational women of MN to help me make sense of the incident and my confusion today.

thanks and sorry it is so long

Sounds like you did really well in the circumstances, it's hard to think fast when something like that is happening but you made some good moves like trying to go somewhere busier. It sounds horrible, I had a knot in my stomach just reading your post.

One thing nobody's mentioned which might be useful in some cases (especially if there are other cars/people nearby) is to use the horn to attract attention and maybe scare them off - obviously not in every situation, as using it while driving could just make them more aggressive, but if you are already stopped for example it might help to bring other people to see what's going on.

But really don't beat yourself up about what YOU "could/should" have done differently - they are the ones who should have been acting differently, not you, and you kept your cool, you should be proud of yourself

You are really not overreacting, it sounds an absolutely terrifying experience. I'm not surprised you are in shock.

You did right, OP. This has happened to me. I called 101 and logged it and I'm satisfied something was done. As usual, a man being a complete shitbag. I bought a dash cam. Our local force has started accepting footage from them now too.

You definitely haven't overreacted.

Quite worryingly, last week my husband related a similar story about an incident involving a colleague of his - also involving a new Audi full of men. They chased him for quite some miles and at one point, where they all had to stop, they got out and started smashing up his car. He had it recorded on his dash cam which he subsequently handed over to the police and although the registration number of the car was clearly visible, it couldn't be traced.

The police definitely and also ask victim support to contact you. Which part of the country are you in?

Madison - was that in West Yorkshire? I strongly felt they were going to attack the car or me, the gurning faces and aggressive arm movements etc. Fucking hell, it's terrifying.

I have a dashcam, I got it after an accident when someone went into the back of me. You can get front and rear recording ones.

I would have been terrified if that happened to me. You handled it very well.

I haven't read all thread but this must have been terrifying.

I think I would have driven to the nearest petrol station (where they would definitely have CCTV) and then parked in front of a pump and leant on the horn non stop to attract attention.

You are very brave, I think. You aren't overreacting at all. What a terrifying incident. Be proud of yourself. You probably put up more of a fight than these bullying thugs were expecting and in doing that you protected your DD and her friend.

Something similar happened near here to a neighbour's daughter. It is awful.

I always drive with all doors locked and windows closed except for a couple of inches if further ventilation is needed. The only time I open them further is if I need to speak to police officers who are directing traffic.

I might be tempted to sound the horn long and loud if anyone approached my car in an intimidating manner like you describe. After all, they are committing a crime and don't want to draw attention to themselves, so maybe I can do that for them. It is just a thought I have occasionally had. I'm not sure about driving home as I wouldn't want them to follow me there and then know where I live. Perhaps drive to a police station if you aren't too far from one, though that isn't always the case of course.

always keep doors locked all this but what if im in a crash they'll just cut u out anyway

I really hope you can report this. Absolutely horrendous thing for you to go through. I have experienced aggression fairly regularly for male drivers over the years, mainly just unpleasant and stuff that annoys or shakes you up because of unsafe ,stupid behaviour but when it tips over into real unhinged aggression it is harder to process as they have a fucked up agenda that you can't understand. Totally understand why you would feel as you do because there is no incident,eg a perceived bad bit of driving on your part, that would trigger their behaviour.

I was going to say that the using the horn like ahagwearsapointybonnet said had been my tactic before but you sound like you did great to me.

Be kind to yourself.

I don't think it was a crash for cash scam. They were trying to rob you by making you stop your car and then trying to make you get out.

Hi op, you are not overreacting, you went through a scary experience that felt life threatening, and as a result your body flooded with adrenaline.
What you're now experiencing is an anxiety attack. The diarrhoea is a very typical response, something to do with the body prepping for fight or flight apparently.
Your mind racing combined with the vomiting/diarrhoea shows that the adrenaline is still pumping.

You WILL feel better. Your mind WILL calm down. Your body WILL relax.but you must allow that to take a little time.

Have you discussed this with anyone in real-life? Talking it through,letting the emotion out, will help.

And do report to the police!

Big hard knocks threatening a women on her own with 2 kids in the car.
Be interesting to see how tough they were on their faced with a group of men.

exactly awwlook-cowards

I was going to say call Victim Support, in fact they will contact you once you’ve reported to the police.

It sounds horrendous, you did brilliantly under the circumstances. Your daughter must be really proud of you.

I’m not surprised you’re having the reactions you are. Sounds completely normal. Time and talking will help to heal.

You aren’t attracting these things - you have been very unlucky.

thanks everyone. I have now reported it and they have taken the details and will get back to me if they have further questions. I am glad I wrote it all down last night because it is hard to remember the exact sequence of events now.

thanks so much for all the kindness, it has been incredibly helpful.

I said upthread that when I was a victim of a sustained road rage attack I felt like a trapped animal. Something primal roared to the surface. I thought and planned the most outrageous things ; I drove very dangerously. I completely lost my head.

I think this was one of the reasons why I felt so awful afterwards. I had felt seriously threatened, I mean primally threatened, and behaved accordingly. I was shocked at how I behaved, how I didn't keep my head. I felt shame.

As per, the victim of assault feels shame! Grrrr!

It's all very well after the event to say "I/you should have done this or that" - well yes, of course, but something primal was triggered and all rationale goes out the window.

Yy I know NOW to head for a petrol station but at the time I couldn't possibly think of that. I actually dialled 999 as I was driving and, sobbing, confessed I was using my phone while driving but needed help. The police were wonderful and stayed on the phone to me for a good half hour, long after bully boy had driven off (probably bcs I stopped behaving/driving like a trapped animal once I had police support and bully boy lost the scent).

It sounds terrifying, I hope you are able to relax a bit now OP.

This thread has made me realise I don't know how to lock the car from the inside, but I'll make sure I find out this evening.

middling usually a button near the door handle

You should of accidentally accelerated into them rather than hitting the brakes

Not helpful

You poor thing I'm so sorry it must have been terrifying. I felt kind of terrified reading it!
Hope you and the girls are OK.
You did the best you could in that situation, I keep thinking I should get a dash cam maybe you could do this. I know it won't help now.
Hope your ok

I've reported drivers like this to the police before. I had one guy recently almost crash into twice trying to be the big man. Not so big once the police turned up on his doorstep.

Next time, try to get the number plate. If they continue following, start driving to the nearest police station. Once you get there they will soon scarper, but I would still go inside and let the police know what just happened.

thank you for sharing your story Springy, it seems to have happened to a lot of women on this thread, often with DC in the car, I feel shocked tbh. Yes, I felt I had made a lot of mistakes but you are right, it is not my fault. I had some really crazy stuff in my head at the time and last night - thinking how I could stop them which due to me being 5 foot and having arthritis meant using my car as a weapon and running them over. PP said about that odd post natal phase when you go nuts and see danger everywhere and it was like that last night but 1000 times stronger. I feel much better now.

I work alone and it happened yesterday, my mum lives abroad and I will speak to her tonight (time difference).

The police said CCTV will be reviewed so that is something. thanks again everyone, MN really is a wonderful community.

Oh yeah I'd also have run one of them over to get away.

You did brilliantly not to