What should I have done in this scary situation

[missbonita]

Sorry if this is long, I am feeling incredibly stressed and anxious after a frightening experience last night didn't sleep at all. I would really appreciate it if anyone has time to read this and talk it thru/reflect on what happened and my reaction to the incident/what I should have done. Please do not berate me for not filming everything etc, it didn't occur to me at the time and that is part of what I am trying to figure out.

At 7pm I was driving DD and her friend home and a car containing 4 men started behaving very erratically behind me. They then pulled upon alongside me where a wide road was narrowing so I stopped to let them past, they flashed their lights so I started to move forward, then they sped forward so I slammed the brakes on a narrowly missed them. They then started gesturing to me to get out of the car, I locked the doors and got my phone out of my handbag.

They drove forward and pulled over. I passed them and came to a roundabout. They sped next to me and raced forward again lurching in front of my car, I again slammed the brakes on and this time 2 men got out of the car and made threatening gestures towards me then approached my car. I locked the doors and pressed 999 into my phone then slowly moved forward round them, off the roundabout and onto a more lit top area with more traffic. I pulled up at some traffic lights and they appeared again at the side of me. I told DD and friend to not look at them as they were leering and gesticulating at them. They again got out of the car and approached my vehicle. I reversed back and made a right turn away from them and stopped. I turned to try and get the numberplate and they jumped back into the vehicle and sped away nearly colliding with 2 other vehicles which had to swerve to avoid being hit.

I was shaking all night, and have been sick twice today. I realise this is an over reaction.

They were 4 men, aged 25-35 I would guess in a new Audi car. I think with hindsight that it was an attempt at a 'crash for cash' scam but at the time with DD and her friend in the car, and due to the nature of my work with vulnerable young adults, I was mostly terrified for their safety. The area where we live has had repeated problems with 'grooming gangs' and these men utterly terrified me.

What could I have done better to keep us all safe and is there anything I can do to prevent myself from being the target of aggression? I was verbally abused by a taxi driver last week (he parked in my space at work and I asked him politely to move), and a courier the week before (he couldn't turn his truck in my driveway). This didn't used to happen to me frequently and I feel on edge and really quite ill. I am sorry for being a 'drama queen', I don't want attention or sympathy, but would really appreciate some advice from the calm, sane, rational women of MN to help me make sense of the incident and my confusion today.

thanks and sorry it is so long

It sounds really terrifying. You did a great job xx

You should of accidentally accelerated into them rather than hitting the brakes

Indeed! had an almost identical thing happen to me many years ago now, they came up very rapidly behind me flashing their headlamps indicating that somethimng was wrong on the back of my car. They stopped in front and one of them got out then another there were Five of them and I though this seemed not as it ough be one of them came up to my drivers side window next i know was a large boot kicked the side of my face and it was by then plainly obvouis that they were intend on trouble, so i reveresed back then saw that they were armed with lumps of wood and metal so as there was nowhere i could go other than forwards four of the scrotes impacted my bumper quite hard.

And serve them bloody well right I'd done nothing wrong at all they were simply out to cause trouble well they found some !. Went stright to the police station and reported it and old bill said if they come in to complain then we'll arest them for assult. Never did hear anything more about it ever!

Well done to the OP best bet simplely call 999 whilst in the car on the hands free don't mess around with101 in circumstances like that!.

In my city there aren't any police stations left - apart from centrally = no possible place to park, even temporarily.

Which is why the police said to drive onto the forecourt of a petrol Station eg brightly lit, cctv, others present.

I'm sorry to labour this but posters keep saying to drive to a police station! There aren't any, folks...

We need specific strategies don't we? Too late for you and I bonita but for future reference. Perhaps police/victim support needs to publicise specific strategies should we find ourselves in a situation like this. Judging by this thread it's not uncommon

It seems terrifying common, I had thought about car jacking as I have travelled in countries where its common - I lock doors in rough parts of cities but I would never thought so many women have been randomly attacked and abused in their cars by men, for no reason (with car jacking at least they are motivated by theft I suppose). It is really horrible :(

Hi again @missbonita I've only just seen your updates. All of this is perfectly normal, I am sure. I am not an expert but have had some very scary threats in the past and so kind of know what you're feeling like.

Just take care of yourself. I don't know if it's been mentioned, but do watch out for a mini-depression type feeling that may come over you. It did with me, although it passed quite quickly.

I hope you are beginning to feel a bit better already.

Thanks for all your help yesterday. I slept well last night and have woken up feeling much better, talking it thru with you all really helped. I am really shocked how common this is and am going to be getting a dash cam asap.

I spoke to DM last night and she said I should have stopped in the middle of the roundabout and put on my hazards and sounded my horn repeatedly. It's just so hard to make good decisions when you're terrified.

Thanks everyone

I think you did amazingly well - hope you're all ok.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better - adrenaline is a funny thing! That's actually good advice from DM thinking on it (if it was safe to get there) - make yourself as visible and noisy as possible, especially where there's likely to be CCTV. But I still say you did amazingly well.

This happened to me too, I dialled 999 when it was happening and the police came straight away. Unfortunately he’d left by the time they got to me, but I did manage to get his number plate.
He wasn’t such a big man when the police knocked on his door. He was given something called restorative justice and was made to write a letter of apology to me as part of that. Didn’t accept it which made me feel better, almost like a fuck you.
He’d tried to cut me up at a set of lights and I didn’t let him so he decided to terrify me instead. Prick.

I'm terrified just reading that!

Yes, buy a dash cam - it makes such a difference and if anyone sees you have one, I'm sure they'd be less likely to approach you.

I think you should have asked your daughter to call the police immediately. I hope the police find out who it was. I bet that car was stolen - it's unlikely young men who behave like that would be able to afford it.

Glad you're feeling better today OP

Glad you're feeling better OP, what an awful thing to happen and I think you did much better than I would in that situation.

Not really the same thing but DP was driving once in a bad area where there were riots happening frequently (N.Ireland) when masked men with baseball bats came out onto the road in front of his car as he was coming down a hill. He had seconds to decide what to do and because he wasn't sure whether they intended to steal his car, beat him up or force him to drive a bomb somewhere, he accelerated and intended to go through them if they didn't move. They moved pretty quickly but did stop another car and burnt it within a few minutes. It's crazy how you react in scary situations. DP couldn't believe he had fully intended to run people over but I'm not sure I would have acted differently.

of course its hard to make decisions.im surprised you managed to breathe never mind function in order to do what you did!
when acting in fight or flight its sometimes amazing what we can do and amazing what we cant.it can go on way or the other from super strength to total immobility.and almost always out of our control. that's why time later when the breath and nurons have calmed down you don't know what or how you did what you did sometimes.and feel shaken because its then the full force of what happened is being processed by the brain and body.
keep slow today.do things kindly to yourself.

Wow you did not overreact. Sounds like you reacted really well. Well done on staying safe.

Listen to your instincts. It sounds like your instincts were yelling at you not to get out of the car and to get away from these men.

You did really well.

Wow, what a horrid ordeal, glad you’re all okay I drive alone a lot & the first thing I do when I get in my car is lock it, fortunately, I’ve not experienced anything like this.

I got harassed by a Dick in a van on Saturday. He let me out of a junction in the nearest town. As I was driving down the country roads he was behind me getting really close to my car. At one point he fell back a bit then drover up behind so fast I was sure was going to hit me.

No idea what he was doing. I couldn't have sped up as I had a vehicle in front of me. I'm glad DD weren't in the car with me. This was during the day too.

If you haven't already, write down as detailed an account of the incident as you can, including descriptions of the people. You might not think it at the moment when it all seems so vivid, but you will forget details very soon and it's helpful to the police to have as much info as possible

I know a couple of people this has happened to, you did really well OP. Glad you're feeling better today but don't be surprised if the feelings come back at odd times over the coming days/weeks, you've had a nasty scare and it may well take a little while to work through the shock properly.

Different situation but we had a break in (we were home and it got quite nasty) and I relived it for weeks, including the 'imagined' scenarios of what could have happened. I think it's fairly normal, it's how we process things but it's not pleasant and it affected me quite badly.

Talking it through (in RL or here) will help enormously and you may find you need to do it again when a little time has passed so don't be afraid to come back if it starts to bother you again and you need to work through your feelings. I hope the police are helpful, sending you and an unmumsnetty hug.

Bloody hell OP that sounds absolutely terrifying and I think your auto pilot response was completely natural - get you and the kids away from danger ASAP and it sounds like you did brilliantly.
So much great advice from others so far (I agree it's times like this when MN is just incredible) the only thing which had occurred to me is this does not sound like "one off" behaviour of those scumbags, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they have done this before so hopefully police may see a pattern?

Give yourself time as you've had a horrible experience. And as a previous poster said if your still feeling unsettled in a few weeks speak to your gp. Oh and nowhere near what you suffered but I was in a frightening road accident with DD age 10 in the car a few weeks ago and oddly having been hysterical when it happened she woke up the next morning feeling ok. This continued for a week after which we were shopping in Asda and she burst into big, fat slobby tears by the magazines telling me she'd had some bad dreams that we died in the car! So the brain works in funny ways to make us try and forget things I suppose. Anyway sorry my point being keep your eye on the kids (obviously I know you will) as once the shock has worn off they may need some TLC.

Love and to you

I hope you're feeling a bit better today OP. What a scary thing to happen. I would report it don't worry too much about a registration number as it is likely a false plate anyway and in that case will not help to trace the car. A good description of the car, including any distinguishing features like stickers, and a detailed description of the occupants would be helpful if possible. It sounds to me like you did all the right things. I hope it is on some cctv somewhere.

I know this has already been said, but I am repeating, get a really good DASH CAM!!

I know it's not helpful at the time but you will have evidence which can then be forwarded to the police.

I think it should be law that everyone has to have a dash cam. It would solve disputes when accidents occur and it would make stupid pricks, like the ones you encountered, think twice before behaving like arseholes

My friend at work had a road rage incident this morning from an Audi driver who had decided he owned the road (she'd done nothing wrong but he took umbridge - this was in very slow moving traffic). He parked sideways in front of her and was shouting and gesticulating. She'd locked the doors and there were loads of people around as the traffic was barely moving. She got her phone out and he sodded off but she'd got the reg number and is going to report it.

What annoys me so much is he wouldn't have done that to a bloke in case he got chinned but a small woman is fair game - instead she has to worry about getting chinned. GRRRR.

It's always men isn't it? I had a tube incident two weeks ago that became very nasty, the guy was shouting at me when he got off the train but another, bigger bloke confronted him and humiliated him. It was great to see. I had said to this scumbag that he wouldn't have done that to a man.
There are some angry people around and when they are in a car (and in your case OP, quite possible drugged up) then that is like going out with a loaded gun.

Actually, I think some men are also aggressive to other men on the road, but it's likely to be more frightening to a woman on the receiving end.