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DS found suitcases on slip road.

436 replies

tararabumdeay · 18/11/2018 18:21

DS 20 was on an A road slip road. There were two suitcases dumped on the carriageway. Other cars were slamming on the anchors or swerving at the last minute. It was safe for him to stop so he retrieved them and brought them home.

They're both PU leather and look to be 70s vintage. The most important thing though is he opened one and saw a bundle of fur in there, 'Oh God, it's a dead animal.'

My reaction was, 'We'll have to report it if that's the case.'

I want to give him credit because he immediately took it outside to investigate. He was calm and collected when he came back with a fox fur stole, presumably the same vintage as the luggage.

Now I want to have a go at him for clearing the carriageway. His face and his actions when he saw the fur, though, made me so proud.

If, indeed, there would have been £kkk or dumped pets in there we'd be waiting here for CID.

It was probably fly tipping. There's always a story about fly tipped baby animals around Christmas. Please don't let it happen anywhere near where you live.

Maybe it was an amateur theatre co trying to get too many props into a trailer. If so I've got your fur stole and the plastic suitcases in the garden.

OP posts:
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nakedscientist · 19/11/2018 22:46

derek kissing dog love you all ❤️❤️❤️Laughter in a bloody annoying day!

nakedscientist · 19/11/2018 22:52

Do any of you remember the fly space and the FYI seat thread.......old times 😀

DerekTheWonderdog · 21/11/2018 22:55

nakedscientist I wonder if some of us all know each other from the old days. I don't remember those threads though. This is my new name but my 10th year.

I started trading today selling Badger and rice, I made £8,000. So I think it's definitely got 'legs'.

TheDogAteMySock · 22/11/2018 00:45

And very nice it was too @Derek , although I thought it could do with a touch more seasoning.

KissingInTheRain · 22/11/2018 01:00

A bit dry I thought. But nothing that a nice poached ostrich egg on top wouldn’t fix.

DerekTheWonderdog · 22/11/2018 10:25

Dog I put put some cracked black pepper and vintage salt from the Essex out in a pair of suede stilettos for your use.

Kissing I did consider adding egg, lightly poached in rain water, but the bloody ostriches all got called to an accident in the Dartford Tunnel. Some idiot had tried driving a herd of geese through there.

I'm up and running again today, my daily 'special' is fox paw soup, served in shoes found at the side of the road (it doesn't actually have any fox paws in it - it's potato).

TheDogAteMySock · 22/11/2018 10:39

I'm hoping that the shoes that you seem to be using willy-nilly aren't the nesting sites of any protected species, I've heard that ospreys are partial to nesting in suede stilettos,

DerekTheWonderdog · 22/11/2018 11:25

Um, no, no not nesting sites 😬 I've quickly put them all back in the hedgerow, just in case I might have missed seeing a tiny, weeny buzzard or osprey.

I'm bidding on some on eBay, so until they arrive, I'll have to use old coffee cups from the bin in the high street. Recycle recycle ♻️

nakedscientist · 22/11/2018 17:34

Look Derek you're thinking to small. We, kissing l, diog and I need to spread this nationally

Let's petition for universal road side shoe jettisoning to become just part of someone's day.

The disposing of suitcases and stoles of all species, by the slip roads of Britain, to be something no one can avoid.

We will then have enough for Badger 'n' rice UK wide, habitats for the baby animals, leftovers for them.

Don't forget the ostriches are here to help.

nakedscientist · 22/11/2018 17:34

*too

DerekTheWonderdog · 22/11/2018 22:59

Nationwide rollout of 'Badger 'n' Rice', good plan. You all might have to give up your jobs, buy a vintage caravan and place yourself in a lay-by. I'm currently on the A303, it's a bit cold and I think a pig or warthog is outside. I'm sitting in a deckchair with a glass of wine and a blanket. The sound of traffic can be reasonably soothing. A bit.

BertieBotts · 22/11/2018 23:13

:o

tararabumdeay · 24/11/2018 01:51

Son has decided to give the fur stole to his new girlfriend Natasha for Christmas. I've advised against this as she, being the DIL from Hell, would probably prefer one with the shrunken head and spindly black legs attached.

OP posts:
nakedscientist · 25/11/2018 16:25

Son has decided to give the fur stole to his new girlfriend Natasha
Best not name her! But lucky her.
for Christmas
Ohh I've found this in a case on a lay-by and I thought of you.

being the DIL from Hell, would probably prefer one with the shrunken head and spindly black legs attached
As opposed to the standard dead animal version?

The ostriches will go mental

KissingInTheRain · 25/11/2018 21:02

The ostriches are fine about it. They’re not keen on foxes. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was them that took out a contract on the fox in the first place.

If Natasha owns an Ostrich feather boa though...

I am also intrigued by how tarara’s son is going to answer the question “where did you get it?”

nakedscientist · 25/11/2018 22:30

So those ostriches are sticking their head in the sand again eh? Typical.

Are no baby animals safe?

We really need to talk to Natasha about how she intends to properly support Badger 'N' rice , going forward and how she proposes to best front the new National campaign.

nakedscientist · 25/11/2018 23:02

derek, dog and kissing

I have some key information. I went to A&E tonight because I was feeling quite tired and I met, Sir David Attenborough, no less, I kid you not, who was doubling up as a triage nurse in a well known East London hospital.
I was chatting to him, while he signed my copy of Allotment Weekly and was testing the calcium levels in my toe nails. Anyway he said that the shoes in the lay-bys actually go there to die. They physically drag them selves to their original A road spawning spot and this reaches epidemic levels in early winter and that if we used the old ones it would really help clear the shoe burial grounds for newer shoe deaths.
I'm going to go back tomorrow with my itchy finger so if you have any further questions, I can pass them on.
PS for goodness sake don't tell Natasha or she'll be down here with her shrunken head and spindly black legs 🙄

TheDogAteMySock · 26/11/2018 00:34

I'm not sure Natasha should be the front man on our nationwide advertising campaign, I mean are shrunken heads and spindly black legs really the look we were going for with 'Badger 'n rice'?
Also, I'm struggling to perfect our mission statement, I can see where the ostriches really fit in with our company ethos.

KissingInTheRain · 26/11/2018 01:11

Could we get Attenborough to front a multi-media campaign for 'Badger 'n rice'? TV commercials, press, cinema, influencers - the lot!

The ostriches could be like our version of those insurance meerkats. Only real.

I’ve got a rootin’ tootin’ creative strategy: David is shown touring the shoe graveyards/wildlife sanctuaries up and down the country’s roads, by riding an ostrich!

And fuels up on 'Badger 'n rice' along the way!

I’m working on a slogan.

TheDogAteMySock · 26/11/2018 01:16

Fantastic! I feel that we are well on the way to being the next multi million pound, global food chain franchise. My only concern is Naked's itchy finger... You don't think she's picked up some fungal infection from the shoes do you?

grimupnorth1 · 26/11/2018 01:19

@tararabumdeay you are cracking me up 😂
I am the kind of person like your son that does stuff to help others or make a situation safer and then step back afterwards and go 'yeah... definitely could have died doing that. Whoops'.

Get that stole dry cleaned and wear it with pride and fabulosity, what a fab story it will have one day

nakedscientist · 26/11/2018 07:43

Hmm slogan
A) the fox who stole Christmas
B) it's easy as A,B,C: A road, Badger, cuisine
C) the black and white planet
D) compare the badger dot Vom
E) Badger 'n' rice is really nice
F) trust an ostrich, eat a Badger

nakedscientist · 26/11/2018 07:45

Or inspired by pp
definitely could have died eating that. Whoops'

Shortened to just whoops when fully established.

KissingInTheRain · 26/11/2018 08:19

How about:

Badger ‘n Rice - a sett menu every day.

DerekTheWonderdog · 26/11/2018 13:19

I'm very, very busy doing very important things. I'll add my ha'penny later but for now thought I'd share this picture I took this morning. She was sitting at the side of the road, her name's Douglas.

DS found suitcases on slip road.
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