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DS found suitcases on slip road.

436 replies

tararabumdeay · 18/11/2018 18:21

DS 20 was on an A road slip road. There were two suitcases dumped on the carriageway. Other cars were slamming on the anchors or swerving at the last minute. It was safe for him to stop so he retrieved them and brought them home.

They're both PU leather and look to be 70s vintage. The most important thing though is he opened one and saw a bundle of fur in there, 'Oh God, it's a dead animal.'

My reaction was, 'We'll have to report it if that's the case.'

I want to give him credit because he immediately took it outside to investigate. He was calm and collected when he came back with a fox fur stole, presumably the same vintage as the luggage.

Now I want to have a go at him for clearing the carriageway. His face and his actions when he saw the fur, though, made me so proud.

If, indeed, there would have been £kkk or dumped pets in there we'd be waiting here for CID.

It was probably fly tipping. There's always a story about fly tipped baby animals around Christmas. Please don't let it happen anywhere near where you live.

Maybe it was an amateur theatre co trying to get too many props into a trailer. If so I've got your fur stole and the plastic suitcases in the garden.

OP posts:
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KissingInTheRain · 26/11/2018 14:45

Doug the badger. Mustelid nominative determinism at its very, very best.

TheDogAteMySock · 26/11/2018 15:05

Derek I'm speechless with admiration at your photographic skills.
I think Naked should show David Attenborough when she visits A&E with her itchy (fungally) finger. Kissing after running your post through Google, I completely agree.
I do think Douglas would look better with a matching hat with flowers on, though. Perhaps we could buy her one with the proceeds from today's special 'rat risotto'

nakedscientist · 26/11/2018 17:04

In A & E now David's on shift but he's seeing to some woman who's head's fallen off, What a waste of NHS time. Hmm

DerekTheWonderdog · 26/11/2018 21:49

Why do people persist on going to A&E when their head has fallen off!!!! If only they knew how to do a simple blanket stitch they could have sorted it out themselves in 5 minutes!
Doreen is looking forward to her hat. She's followed me home, like I need any more animals, but here she is. So, she's has pie and mash and is curled up in front of the Aga. I don't think she's going anywhere. And she's tried on all of my shoes 👠 👠
Dog,Kissing, Naked - I took £4million today - I was spread out between the lay-by and the field (another story) but does that put us on track to all be billionaires in 5 years?

DerekTheWonderdog · 26/11/2018 21:55

Kissing are you sure you're not David? Dog, Douglas has fallen asleep dreaming of her new hat. I told her we'd all get it tomorrow? Could we maybe all meet up, with Naked and choose her one. Her little heart is set on it. The rat risotto 🐀 sold out in the first 10 minutes. We need to scale up. How?

KissingInTheRain · 26/11/2018 22:49

Sadly I’m not David. He would not approve of the ostrich bisque that I am planning on adding to the menu.

Do you think we could resurrect Little Chef with this road-focused gastronomy? Instead of the Olympic Breakfast and Jubilee Pancakes we could be offering Badger ‘n Rice (in a suitcase) and Rat Risotto to hungry caravanners and hauliers.

Dragons Den beckons, I can feel it!

nakedscientist · 27/11/2018 09:27

delboy Dog you are a marvel! This is where little chef so patently failed. Even Heston didn't spot it. The sales are in roadkill.
Have you considered other sides like squirrels nest soup? So much easier and more hygienic than birds, don't you think?
Don't forget the shoes. We can set them up as the hipster option. Stiletto risotto?

As to David well I waited close to 8 mins and I said enough is enough! Do you know who I am? Badger 'n' rice!!! That wiped the grins off their faces I can tell you.
So I know you are all desperate to hear about the finger ( kissing, deldog looking at you) David said I'll evolve out of the problem so all is good.

TheDogAteMySock · 27/11/2018 10:42

Luckily I'm very healthy and don't have to waste my time at A&E (I put this down to a healthy diet), So I've been working on some menu ideas.
Ferrets in Footware
Poached Partridge Presented in a Plimsoll
Sauted Snails served in Sandals
Tortoise Tempura in a Trainer
No time for hat shopping I'm afraid, Douglas will have to wait!

nakedscientist · 27/11/2018 17:07

kissing totally with Douglas on her hat. Will crochet her one just as soon as my new finger has evolved.
Ask her if she likes this one

DS found suitcases on slip road.
nakedscientist · 27/11/2018 22:35

Sorry, I mant to say. derek can you ask Douglas if she likes the pancake hat?
It would be particularly pertinent is he she were to self identify as a plate.

Our corporate name could be two dogs kissing naked. Or perhaps we should branch out into being a firm of solicitors.

DerekTheWonderdog · 27/11/2018 22:49

Kissing, the Little Chef idea is brilliant! My local one is now a second hard car lot, run by Dodgy Dave.

Dog love the new menu, I saw a fresh (dead) fox today 🦊. Tried to get him but a tractor nearly ran me over so I had to abandon ship.

naked I've shown Douglas the hat, she loves it. She's hesitant to self identify as a plate but happy with a shoe. 👠 👟 👞

I'm a tiny bit sad that I'm not in the corporate name. ☹️

KissingInTheRain · 27/11/2018 23:16

I’m with Derek on this - boardroom solidarity.

The name must be Two Dogs Kissing Naked Derek. (At a push, Derek Kissing Two Dogs Naked.) Or I’m out.

I know if I do that I’ll be like the Pete Best of the roadkill-footwear-wildlife menu adventure. Because it will be big. Very big. But there’s a principle here.

TheDogAteMySock · 27/11/2018 23:34

Derek, Kissing, I think you've missed the subtlety of Naked's corporate name... I think one of the 2 dogs is a wonderdog (named Derek).
How could you not be in the name, Derek , considering you're the one out on the A303 actually selling the Badger 'n rice. I'm feeling a bit bad about not getting my hands dirty (as it were - I'm sure our hygiene rating is a 5). Still plenty of time for that when we roll out across the country.

KissingInTheRain · 27/11/2018 23:39

Oh crikey! I did overlook that nuanced, powerful brand voice. Sorry, Naked.

If Derek’s OK with it we’re good to go.

DerekTheWonderdog · 28/11/2018 00:35

Oops, sorry I forget sometimes that I'm a dog 🐶 🐕 and jumped straight in to righteous indignation!
I like Two Dogs Kissing Naked Detek it's a shame it's not a very good acronym. TDKND
The A303 was a bloody nightmare today but I found a pig and two squirrels 🐿 - they're in the pot now. I also found a squashed owl but felt bad about putting him the pit, I stuffed him instead and he's now sitting on the shelf above Douglas.

I'll get some Green Shield soap in for our new cleanliness regime. We could make shaving brushes from discarded Badgers bits - didn't shaving brushes used to be made from Badger? Is that a mid-memory? Or just bollocks.

I'm pulling down the hatch now to avoid the strange after midnight trade.

nakedscientist · 28/11/2018 12:03

Derek you are one of the two dogs! Would never leave you out. Especially since you're on the coal face, serving roadkill in shoes to the public.

We're going to smash the hell out of Little Chef, I can feel it too.

How about 2D-KiND as the acronym? I mean KFC works and that's hardly memorable (or much different to roadkill-in-shoes cuisine).

nakedscientist · 28/11/2018 12:06

Unlike the rest of our ramblings, your badger hair fact is, well, a fact and not bollocks Smile

DerekTheWonderdog · 28/11/2018 12:20

Poor little badgers becoming brushes 🦡😲!

Slow trade today with the weather being crap - I wonder if we should invest in an awning? Or an Airstream caravan? Slightly opposite ends of the price spectrum. Everyone queing is getting rain down their the back of their collars. How do you spell queing? Queing?

naked I am not in any way being disparaging of your efforts for a name but I wonder if 2D-KiND sounds a bit like a phone shop? KiNDD (Kissing Naked Derek Dog)? Also, a bit of an anachronism giving that we're serving dead animals 😁🐿🐀🦡 🦊

😬🤓

KissingInTheRain · 28/11/2018 12:28

Two Dogs Kissing Naked Derek is a world beating brand name.

My only reservation is the logo. If we go for the graphically descriptive option we’ll need all the skill we can muster not to end up on obscenity charges.

Maybe a happy type of design? Like a smiling badger? Or a happy rat in a chef’s hat? (Disney’s lawyers might be a problem there.)

Or we could go down the unthreatening avuncular route. Like Colonel Sanders...but instead we’d have a grinning trucker or motorist in driving gloves (the ‘70s style ones with brown leather front and knitted back - we don’t see them nearly enough these days).

nakedscientist · 28/11/2018 12:55

Oh yes, KiNDD. I like that.

We're not killing the animals ourselves and we are then reflecting OPs DS in his wonderfully KiNDD act in rescuing the suitcases and inspiring our business venture.

Thus how about this as our logo

DS found suitcases on slip road.
DerekTheWonderdog · 28/11/2018 13:14

Very rough, whilst there's a lull. Or it could say KiNDD although I do think Kissing is right about it being a world beating brand.

DS found suitcases on slip road.
nakedscientist · 28/11/2018 13:30

Derek this indeed a work of art. I am mightily impressed!

DerekTheWonderdog · 28/11/2018 13:33

Or this ...

DS found suitcases on slip road.
nakedscientist · 28/11/2018 13:46

Sorry, people keep interrupting me with "work" Hmm Hmm

Loving the strap line.

We could give out free copies of "On the Road" as a promotion day.

TheDogAteMySock · 28/11/2018 13:53

Loving the strap line 'bringing road kill to life'.
Thinking outside the box now, but how about some added value, we could offer people a wet shave using the unique 'road kill Badger Brushes', mixed up with the green shield stamp soap, while they wait for the Badger'n rice to be gently warmed through.

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