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DS found suitcases on slip road.

436 replies

tararabumdeay · 18/11/2018 18:21

DS 20 was on an A road slip road. There were two suitcases dumped on the carriageway. Other cars were slamming on the anchors or swerving at the last minute. It was safe for him to stop so he retrieved them and brought them home.

They're both PU leather and look to be 70s vintage. The most important thing though is he opened one and saw a bundle of fur in there, 'Oh God, it's a dead animal.'

My reaction was, 'We'll have to report it if that's the case.'

I want to give him credit because he immediately took it outside to investigate. He was calm and collected when he came back with a fox fur stole, presumably the same vintage as the luggage.

Now I want to have a go at him for clearing the carriageway. His face and his actions when he saw the fur, though, made me so proud.

If, indeed, there would have been £kkk or dumped pets in there we'd be waiting here for CID.

It was probably fly tipping. There's always a story about fly tipped baby animals around Christmas. Please don't let it happen anywhere near where you live.

Maybe it was an amateur theatre co trying to get too many props into a trailer. If so I've got your fur stole and the plastic suitcases in the garden.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Miscible · 19/11/2018 10:49

Your DS is lucky the cases didn't contain human body parts, the police would have been seriously pissed off with him.

Wink
DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:00

m.facebook.com/shoesonsideoftheroad/

Andtheresaw · 19/11/2018 11:01

Just drop off the cases at local police station asap stating when and where found.
Job done.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:06

I don't see shoes on the side of the road, just badgers mostly. Loads and loads of badgers 🦡 🦡 🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡🦡

Why are there so many dead badgers? They're not squashed, just dead. Maybe I should start collecting them and put them in vintage suitcases. When one is full up I could drive to a slip road and chuck them out, to be picked up by a young man in a Hi Vis who will take them hone to his mum. It would certainly give me a new purpose in life. I might start an organisation and call it Badger in a Suitcase on a Slip Road. Someone more acronymy might be better?

TheDogAteMySock · 19/11/2018 11:08

@DerekTheWonderdog do you access to a lot of rice and a steamer? I can see a new business venture for you

KissingInTheRain · 19/11/2018 11:08

Ah, yes, Naked. I’d quite forgotten. Many years ago I found the sweetest little clutch of baby vultures nesting in a pair of size 6 Freeman Hardy Willis brogues by the side of the A54.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:14

@TheDogAteMySock
coincidentally I've just come back from the school run with a 5 litre bag of rice. I'll get cooking!
I could actually diversify:
Badgers not too bloated can be cooked?
Badgers too far gone go in a suitcase?
I could probably even get some made into stoles or coats?
I'm not sure on the ethics of turning road kill into coats, seems a shame to waste them though.

KissingInTheRain · 19/11/2018 11:18

Badger in a suitcase is a wonderful variant of chicken in a basket.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:19

Kissing my mum, tired of the annual school shoe buying trip, decided when I was 10 that she could trust me to go to FHW on my own. Money in pocket, I couldn't believe my luck. I had always wanted a pair of monkey boots, I'd lovingly stare at them when my mum was in the newsagents next door buying the papers.
I bought them, hoping to convince my mum that they were very practical and hardwearing - the 'sensible' choice. I even wore them home. My mum didn't mind at all and I wore them everyday until they got too small.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:20

I could serve Badger and rice in a little suitcase! Like in winky restaurants that serve chips on spades etc.

gotmybigbootson · 19/11/2018 11:22

"There's always a story about fly tipped baby animals around Christmas. Please don't let it happen anywhere near where you live.

I mean, I’ll try... "

That made me howl! Grin😂

TheDogAteMySock · 19/11/2018 11:31

Bloated badger 'n rice in a little second hand suitcase served on the side of an A road....what's not to love?

gigantus · 19/11/2018 11:35

Apparently a lot of posters think they're hilarious after a few glasses of Merlot with the roast lamb Confused

PositivelyPERF · 19/11/2018 11:38

Apparently a lot of posters think they're hilarious after a few glasses of Merlot with the roast lamb

Did they find the poor lamb at the side of the road, too? 😭

KissingInTheRain · 19/11/2018 11:38

Top work by the 10-year-old Derek there. You could have used some of the left-over money from the field and got some accessories. A shoe horn perhaps, or some polish or spare laces.

Monkey boots were ace. If only i’d known not to chuck ‘em when they wore out though. They could have provided much needed trunk road-based baby animal shelter.

ittakes2 · 19/11/2018 11:44

I'm a bit surprised one of your first thoughts was not to hand them into the police? Its very odd for them to be where he found them - someone might be looking for them.

HoppingPavlova · 19/11/2018 11:47

Would you be saying the same if he was splattered all over the sliproad?

Exactly. I know it’s hard when they are that age and feel invincible but please try and get through to him on this OP. Trust me, I’ve had to deal with the end result many times when something like this went wrong. He is not invincible and probably not as savvy as he thinks he is in this regard.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 11:51

Business idea is shaping up nicely, I'm almost ready to apply for The Apprentice.

Derek's Roadkill Cafe
Vintage caravan ✅
Dead badgers ✅
Rice ✅

I'll have an A board with 'Badger & Rice, next lay by'

I reckon I'll be a millionaire before the year's out.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing Kissing, I could also have probably splashed out on a new pair of yellow laces.

gigantis I'm really runny after roast lamb and Merlot but after Badger and rice I am hilarious.

KissingInTheRain · 19/11/2018 11:52

I'm a bit surprised one of your first thoughts was not to hand them into the police? Its very odd for them to be where he found them - someone might be looking for them.

We know that at least 1forAll74 is looking for them. There could well be others.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 12:55

The dead foxes relatives might be there now, looking for their great, great grandmother.

jacksonmaine · 19/11/2018 14:48

Anyone else reading this thread with Lee Mack as the voiceover?

nakedscientist · 19/11/2018 16:23

Derek
Derek's Roadkill Cafe
Vintage caravan ✅
Dead badgers ✅
Rice ✅

This is very good, but have you considered the vegans? You could make a convincing vegan alternative from pulled Jack fruit and some of the (non leather) discarded shoes. In addition, you could feed your leftovers to the baby animals.
Could you have a cool fox fur stole vintage vibe to the adverts also?

nakedscientist · 19/11/2018 16:36

Derek suggested advert. I want 15% of all profit though.

DS found suitcases on slip road.
DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 19:12

@nakedscientist I did just, in the real world, spit my tea (wine) out! That is bloody brilliant! Shall we go into business? We'd make a 'killing'.

DerekTheWonderdog · 19/11/2018 19:14

It's almost so ridiculous it would work.