I’ve just birthed a fossilised tampon...what do I do?!

[MedicinalGin]

Hello.
I’m so embarrassed about this. Have had loads of weird discharge for the past few days and was getting really worried- suddenly this happened. I feel quite well and everything but could I now have an infection or something? It must have been in there for two weeks.

Do I just presume I will now be fine or should I seek official advice (seriously hoping I don’t have to).

Excuse me while I now go and 🤢

There's nothing like the gentle soray of a bidet first thing in the morning. Cleans everything from front to back, and leaves the insides to take care of themselves. Aaahhh bliss....

Spray, not soray.

Vlad you are seriously weird. It happens, get over it you weird fanjo cleaning person you.

Dishwasher? Surely the washing machine is more hygienic? Pop it in the towel wash; Bob's your uncle.

I take my down to the local dry cleaners- leave it there for a bit and collect after the food shop is done.

You'd clean your teeth and use mouthwash for hygiene purposes.

If I started shoving a Chinese take away up there I might treat my vag the same as my teeth. Be thankful I opted for the Chinese; my first thought was "dirty kebab".

This happened to me. I didn't die. I quite like my vaginal whiffs but not that time. It was revolting. You weirdos who cleanse inside and out!

When my vagina grows teeth

Already all sorts of myths about that - google vagina dentata, if you dare!

Oh @steakandkidney you sound like you have quite a few “hygiene issues”; I knew someone like this and it went with a suite of other body dysmorphic stuff.

What you are describing re smells and feelings at period time is relatable; I too sometimes wipe with a wet cotton wool pad if things are a bit “old” down there and/or I’ve forgotten a pad at work to change but your palpable revulsion at what are the natural workings of the female body is worrying.

Well, I think you're all revolting. I myself like to shove a foaming denture tablet up there at least once an hour, for tingly minty freshness.

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig So be it. I honestly could not just let it be and clean itself. I'm astonished that so many take a laissez-faire attitude towards it citing NHS advice and whatever else. It'll be a cold day in hell before I just leave my vagina to get on with it's own daily business.

at Gashbusters

I'm astonished that so many take a laissez-faire attitude towards it citing NHS advice and whatever else

How is following official medical advice having a ‘laissez-faire’ attitude? Surely ignoring medical advice is far more laissez-faire?!

It's not a laissez-faire attitude. It's the advice that every gynaecologist and every nurse will give you. And fannies are their trade. Don't wash up inside the vulva.

'It'll be a cold day in hell before I just leave my vagina to get on with it's own daily business.'

Your vagina should unionise and put an end to your despotic ways.

take a laissez-faire attitude towards it citing NHS advice and whatever else
Still really confused as to what is satire and what not but if this is satire, it's good

You need this

“When my vagina grows teeth and eats cheese and pickle sandwiches, then I'll shove a brush and mouthwash up it.”

Close the internet. We’ve peaked

I don't understand the huge emphasis on 'MEDICAL ADVICE'.
It's not a medical problem, I don't need medical advice.
I want to keep fresh, it doesn't totally stink usually-period time aside-but I don't like the sensation of gunginess, I can't relax with the feeling of it. I know 'dry and clean' is a pisstake, but yes.
It's like when you get sweaty armpits and they feel damp. I just hate that feeling.

Your vagina should unionise and put an end to your despotic ways

Hi, I’m dead 😂

I'm astonished that so many take a laissez-faire attitude towards it citing NHS advice and whatever else

Did you basically just put NHS advice on par with urban myths put about by Lambrini Tracey round the back of Iceland?

Fannies are their trade. Surely the NHS need to use this in their branding.

What's wrong with you all using bleach and Zoflora - white vinegar and bicarb is far more environmentally friendly.

TBH my mate's a sexual health nurse and she can tell what people have by the smell. Once, as she swabbed, a bit of gonorrhoea discharge flicked onto her hair.
Bet she wished they'd jetted their vag out with a shower.
I wouldn't want nob cheese/sweat either, it's a bit like a bloke washing but not cleaning behind his foreskin

Thing is, when you get an infection because you've got rid of the good bacteria in your vagina by washing it, then it is indeed a medical condition. Hence the comments informing people that it's not a good idea.

Poor foreskin maintenance is a sacking offence.