I’ve just birthed a fossilised tampon...what do I do?!

[MedicinalGin]

Hello.
I’m so embarrassed about this. Have had loads of weird discharge for the past few days and was getting really worried- suddenly this happened. I feel quite well and everything but could I now have an infection or something? It must have been in there for two weeks.

Do I just presume I will now be fine or should I seek official advice (seriously hoping I don’t have to).

Excuse me while I now go and 🤢

Washing inside the vagina after sex (using a douche) used to be seen as a birth control method. Some women do it when their period ends if they bleed on intermittently for a day or so.

This thread is hilarious.
Now I'm wondering if my foof is unspeakably dirty. the mil just got a new steam cleaner. Maybe I'll ask to borrow it ...

I'm out. Good luck to all your self-cleaning vaginas. Utter filth but if that's how you like it it's between you and your vaginas and possibly any unfortunate people that for whatever reason have the misfortune of entering it.

I'm out. Good luck to all your self-cleaning vaginas. Utter filth but if that's how you like it it's between you and your vaginas and possibly any unfortunate people that for whatever reason have the misfortune of entering it.

Just did an actual lol at this. Genuinely the most batshit thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet

white vinegar and bicarb is far more environmentally friendly.

Bah, you commercialized, capitalist sheeple - I'll think you'll find home-brewed Kombucha Vinegar is the way forward.

Oh god, if it wasn't satire my head is exploding!

Washing inside the vagina after sex (using a douche) used to be seen as a birth control method

Yeah.. until they realised it isn't.

any unfortunate people that for whatever reason have the misfortune of entering it.

I'll have a sign made for over my bed.

'Abandon hope all ye who enter here.'

Utter filth but if that's how you like it it's between you and your vaginas and possibly any unfortunate people that for whatever reason have the misfortune of entering it.

Haahaa! I need to two hands to count the number of medics I have shagged and every one of them was a dirty ride who didn't scrub with bleach before shagging, quite the contrary. The best was an anaethetist who was also a hillwalker. We'd have sex with loads of foreplay after a day out in the peaks without showering first. It was brilliant! I can still taste the salt on his skin. Delicious! Some of the best sex I've ever had.

Good luck to all your self-cleaning vaginas

🎼Though I never knew you at all🎼

'Abandon hope all ye who enter here.'

I know of someone who had that tatooed across their arse cheeks. True fact.

steakandkidney I also work in sexual health and I can assure you that even if that patient had jetwashed themselves for an hour there would probably still have been discharge there by the time they were examined. It’s completely normal for it to build up during the day, often more so in the presence of an infection.

Plus some of the swab tests (microscopy) in sexual health rely on there being some discharge present - if you’ve douched we can’t see what’s causing it because it’s all been washed away.
Chlamydia and gonorrhoea tests shouldn’t be affected by this but I doubt there’s much evidence either way.

Also you can’t compare to men not washing under the foreskin - everyone here is saying they clean the vulva externally which is the equivalent of cleaning under the foreskin.

All that said - it’s a free country and if you feel better for washing internally, crack on.

Note to self.

Reading this thread in A darkened room whilst persuading youngest to sleep was very silly.

Trying to stifle the giggles in the gloom whilst DD looks at me.

I'm sorry about your predicament OP - I think I may be tempted to visit the GP just to double check.......

I am literally laughing out loud in the bath by the way, how can something so serious end up being so funny??

Voting this one for classics. Brilliant thread 😄

Are there men out there who insist on freshly douched vag before sex? How boring! No spontaneity there. Takes all the fun out of a jolly good rogering.

Shall we have sex tonight darling?

natural lubrication you mean @dontalltalkatonce*

Ow.

God this is hilarious am psml. Forgot I had one in once - went for a wee, found the string and thought Oops! Wasn't in for long and felt totally fine - no fever or anything. Always worry now the string will just snap when i pull haha.

Sounds painful, doesn't it, Paul, you dirty ol' man, you . Nothing like some good ol' sweat, spit and natural lube to slide things along . I like it dirty.

To those who are insisting on washing inside - you may find that if you give this up the ‘discharge and indecent stuff’ become a problem of the past, they are likely caused by your excessive interference.

Are there men out there who insist on freshly douched vag before sex? How boring! No spontaneity there. Takes all the fun out of a jolly good rogering.

Not just spontaneity, but also pheromones.

Napoleon Bonaparte reportedly wrote to Josephine telling her he would be home in a few days and 'not to wash'.

@Fleabag123
Honestly how can you ever have sex after working in those clinics? I suppose if you've been with your husband for a long time then it's a bit different but dating someone new? Ugh.

vlad I'm weak
You really need to be kinder to your vajayjay! I don't know how old you are but treat it like blocked guttering post menopause you really are going to be sorry..

Surprised no one mentioned BV yet tbh