I’ve just birthed a fossilised tampon...what do I do?!

[MedicinalGin]

Hello.
I’m so embarrassed about this. Have had loads of weird discharge for the past few days and was getting really worried- suddenly this happened. I feel quite well and everything but could I now have an infection or something? It must have been in there for two weeks.

Do I just presume I will now be fine or should I seek official advice (seriously hoping I don’t have to).

Excuse me while I now go and 🤢

OP go to see your doctor first thing in the morning, you will definately have an infection and lucky if it is not sepsis.

Maybe in future do not use tampons they are not the safest menstrual product to use.

What a steaming pile of utter crap

Sootikins is just a myth though isn't it? I suspect it was made up by some spurned arsehole (possibly a greasy curate) as a slur against some knickerless milkmaid who turned him down.

OP go to see your doctor first thing in the morning, you will definately have an infection and lucky if it is not sepsis.

No, that's not definite at all. Plenty of us have done this. Go in if you feel unwell.

OP go to see your doctor first thing in the morning, you will definately have an infection and lucky if it is not sepsis

Stop scaremongering. Of course she doesn’t ‘definitely’ have an infection.

“OP go to see your doctor first thing in the morning, you will definately have an infection and lucky if it is not sepsis.”

Please don’t listen to this person . Lucky if it’s not sepsis 🙄

I'm not washing my bits with a timer set for two minutes for God's sake! I just meant to take some care cleaning your bits while leaving the vag to sort itself out - just wash away discharge etc that can get in the lips sometimes

I'm very hands off with my downstairs, besides a quick rinse outside I let it do its thing

I feel sad that there are women out there who describe their natural discharge as “slime”

Well the consistency at ovulation time can be quite slime like. Not an unpleasant slime though. No slime shaming from me.

Who has a slimy foof? The only time I've ever had slime in that area was in my last labour and that was really slimy

I did this once and it was gross. I'd been wondering why my (second) tampon was so uncomfortable! I survived 😀

I feel sad that there are women out there who describe their natural discharge as “slime” and oresfer to be “dry”.
There's a book called 'wisdom of whores' where the author does research on HIV. In a certain part of the world women put toothpaste inside their vaginas because the men have a taste for dry sex. This increases tears and subsequent HIV infection. It's in a part of the world where women have many babies and probably is to maintain friction once the vagina becomes looser.
Most of the month it doesn't bother me but the egg white of ovulation is annoying, slimy and I hate wiping myself after having a wee so I use a femfresh wipe.
It doesn't smell awful, it's the feel of the gunge I don't like. I want to have a wee and just dab dry. I don't use tampons so with sanitary towels you do have a period smell which I can't stand and so I do clean inside with water as well. Just to get rid of the blood etc. I just hate being dirty.

It was from Mumsnet that I first learnt that I had a Pouch of Douglas.

My kids have a two minute teeth cleaning app, maybe I should use that for cleaning the slime from my chuff!

In a certain part of the world women put toothpaste inside their vaginas because the men have a taste for dry sex.

Yes. And douching with Dettol is a thing too. Bloody horrific.

Personally I'd definitely throw it away.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!! That's one of the funniest posts I've ever read, and not just on Mumsnet! I actually did 'Laugh Out Loud'.

Golden I tie something to the tampon string so it can’t get lost. A bow, Pom-Pom or small animal.
You win this thread, that is the funniest reply I've read ever on MN.

You'd clean your teeth and use mouthwash for hygiene purposes.

When my vagina grows teeth and eats cheese and pickle sandwiches, then I'll shove a brush and mouthwash up it.

OP go to see your doctor first thing in the morning, you will definately have an infection and lucky if it is not sepsis.

Please tell me I'm not the only one juvenile enough to be giggling like a loon that this was posted by someone called "BeaverHausen".

I’ve always been taught that my foof is self-cleaning, just like my halogen oven.

Hang on back up. You can get self cleaning halogen ovens? Maybe I'm missing the joke or being thick but what

where i used to live the hairdresser lost a condom up her chuff dr had to have a good fish about to get rid of it

where i used to live the hairdresser lost a condom up her chuff dr had to have a good fish about to get rid of it

'The hairdresser'?!

This happened to my friend though, a few days after the event she went to the loo and a used condom fell out of her vag, argh!

easielouisie yes- self cleaning halogen ovens defo exist!!! They’re not brilliant, mind you. Usually need an extra whip round with a Brillo and some fairy liquid- bit like some foofs on here!

I prefer to pop mine in the dishwasher. Saves having to put on my Marigolds and have a rummage.

*I’ve always been taught that my foof is self-cleaning, just like my halogen oven.

Hang on back up. You can get self cleaning halogen ovens? Maybe I'm missing the joke or being thick but what*

Can everyone have a rummage up theirs? I’ve lost the remote for the TV. Ta.

Indeed, perhaps all those who use a Brillo and fairy liquid might have detected a rogue tampon a lot sooner than two weeks. Ho-hum.

I love that my tampon dilemma has exposed a great rift between the scrubbers and the more laissez-faire among us, I sense a daily mail article on the horizon...

Posters on Munsnet took to the forum on Sunday afternoon to discuss how they maintain their vulvas, with many advocating the use of power hoses and powerful bleaching agents to keep their foofs acceptably clean.

The OP is not known to have been hospitalised yet.

😄