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Original poster

I’ve just birthed a fossilised tampon...what do I do?!

489 replies

MedicinalGin · 18/11/2018 15:29

Hello.
I’m so embarrassed about this. Have had loads of weird discharge for the past few days and was getting really worried- suddenly this happened. I feel quite well and everything but could I now have an infection or something? It must have been in there for two weeks.

Do I just presume I will now be fine or should I seek official advice (seriously hoping I don’t have to).

Excuse me while I now go and 🤢

OP posts:
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7
Pinkginhelps · 20/11/2018 19:16

This is the best thread EVER! Thank you for all of the hilarious input ladies. I've lost the last hour immersing myself in this insanity! Can't believe the internal washers? Whaaaaaat? Crazy ladies.....Poutin and Steak are surely misogynists lurking here to propagate their crazed beliefs about the fairer sex.
Moving on...same thing happened to me a few years ago whilst holidaying in the Gulf so I definitely didn't want to see a Doctor about the ungodly smell which had suddenly started. Blissfully unaware of the real reason for the whiff from my undercarriage and after frantic googling for possible reasons and cures; I decided it must be an infection and opted to try (I was desperate) popping a fresh clove of garlic up as I'd read it would tackle all known infection. So now I smelled of garlicky putrifying prawns. Eventually, after even more intense research, I found an article which described my symptoms and the actual cause. I eventually fished the errant tampon out which took some time and wasn't very dignified. Eurgh...when it emerged, a smell like nothing I've ever encountered or ever hope to again emanated from the offending squatter of my nether regions. I truly thought this was rare and that hardly anyone ever does such silly things! I've never told even one of my closest friends so this thread made my day and had me in stitches. Thank you one and all.... the prim, the grim and the just plain forgetful. A legendary thread.

Chardeemacdennis1 · 20/11/2018 19:30

I not sure what's wrong with steaks fanny that all the blood stays up it. Maybe she needs to take the cork out.

Furiosa · 20/11/2018 19:40

The vagina sits in between the rectum and the urethra

Eh?

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Spudlet · 20/11/2018 19:44

[Skims through new posts, not fully paying attention]

I decided it must be an infection and opted to try (I was desperate) popping a fresh clove of garlic up as I'd read it would tackle all known infection

ConfusedShock

Wait what wait what what?! Were you worried your hooha had been infected with vampirism?! Grin

donajimena · 20/11/2018 19:47

steak I apologise for poking fun at you. I agree with SoyDora you clearly have issues with your body and it wouldn't hurt to seek some help. I said upthread if you do douche post menopause it might cause problems. You need to get out of the habit. It is NOT healthy to clean your vag.

Sheitgeist · 20/11/2018 19:50

Where did you think it was, Furiosa?

dontalltalkatonce · 20/11/2018 19:52

Well, use a tampon then, steak, or a mooncup Hmm. Get a Mirena or Depo so you don't ovulate anymore Hmm. Really don't get what's so revolting about a normal, healthy, human body. That's a really sad way to go through life, being disgusted by your own healthy body. Sad

Caprisunorange · 20/11/2018 19:53

That makes sense as a description Furiosa- inagine you’re standing up so your genitalia and bottom are facing the ground- urethra, vagina, rectum.

CaliHummers · 20/11/2018 19:58

@Furiosa I was going to post a picture, but I'll link instead. Pic here: www.webmd.com/women/picture-of-the-vagina#1

HugAndRoll · 20/11/2018 20:27

Is anyone else going to check their vag for a tampon this evening, you know, just in case?

SoyDora · 20/11/2018 20:29

HugAndRoll I read that as ‘check your veg for a tampon’. I was completely confused as to why my broccoli would be harbouring sanitary products.

HugAndRoll · 20/11/2018 20:36

SoyDora Grin

KennDodd · 20/11/2018 21:29

@CaliHummers

Well isn't that picture interesting, including the hyman but not the clitoris. It's an American site I believe, I wonder if the picture comes from an American text book?

CaliHummers · 20/11/2018 21:40

@Kenndodd - it's definitely got Barbie's external anatomy! Picked it because it illustrates the point I was making about the position of the vagina. I'm sure there are more comprehensive pictures out there. I really hope there are.

dontticklethetoad · 20/11/2018 22:35

ToastyFingers if all the women saying that it has happened to them wasn't evidence enough, do you really think we're all built the same?
Some women have long legs, some short, big hands, small hands, long vagina, short vagina etc. etc.

AsleepAllDay · 20/11/2018 23:01

Stinky period blood? Ovulation gunge? You do know period blood exits? You can clean the bits surrounding where the blood comes out without having to go inside

Also in all my years of bleeding and living I wouldn't describe anything that comes out of me as 'gunge.' Maybe it's what happens when you wash away everything that keeps it all ph balanced and clean

It's like you don't understand that bodies aren't supposed to smell like air freshener. Vaginas are meant to be lubricated and can maintain themselves that way and bodies have a scent of daily living

Can't imagine fanny washers in this thread holding men to the same punishing standards

ciderhouserules · 21/11/2018 07:48

Steak - the 'period blood and ovulation gunk' doesn't just 'sit there'! That is rather the whole point - the vagina is self-cleaning, you see. You don't have to do anything to it, it will get rid of any 'ovulation gunk' by itself. It cleans itself quite happily. And, as has been pointed out to you a hundred times already, if you start to clean it yourself, you will upset the 'self-cleaning', and it will start to smell.

We get it, you hate sex, you hate your body, you hate your secretions. Get help.

Conseulabananahammock · 21/11/2018 07:52

The word gunge being repeated all over just reminds me of mr blobby for some reason....
Ill get my coat

Conseulabananahammock · 21/11/2018 07:57

Steak if your vagina has gunge in it, theres a small chance noel may be living in there, with blobby and a d list celebrity.
I suggest calling 111 asap

I’ve just birthed a fossilised tampon...what do I do?!
Conseulabananahammock · 21/11/2018 07:57

Ahhh makes sense...apparantly noel is "down under"

TallulahBetty · 21/11/2018 07:58

Not had a period for 3 weeks but I checked in the shower this morning for anything up there just in case Grin

FanfictionFan · 21/11/2018 08:32

The word gunge being repeated all over just reminds me of mr blobby for some reason

Brings a new meaning to being on the blob. 🤣

Conseulabananahammock · 21/11/2018 08:34

fanfictionfan On the blobby blobby blobby...
Amusing myself thoroughly this morning

BedsideCabinetisnotAvailable · 21/11/2018 08:47

Brings a new meaning to being on the blob. 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hellesbelle · 21/11/2018 10:01

@pinkgin you did remember to take the garlic out as well didn’t you?
I have to admit that I haven’t really had a period in about 10 years Hated the freaking coil that was really not a good thing for me, but I did have the implants and then the mini pill so it’s been a while since I bought tampons so could Someone please explain to me what the heck a moon cup is and how you use one I really don’t think I googled it right ?