Class Reps and non-contributing parents

[JJ2014]

I’ve just started as a class Rep at my kids school. All the parents have paid for the teachers kitty (they pay £25 per kid, and this covers all the teachers gifts for the entire year - Easter/ Xmas/ birthday gifts/ end of year gift) There is one parent who has decided not to pay. Part of me understands, but the other part is annoyed as they should. That means all the rest of us carry her kid. It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded. One of the teachers had an operation this week and so we got her a small get well gift. It was paid for by the kitty. So effectively her kids name was on the getwell card, but his parents didn’t contribute at all, and have no plan of doing so. How is this fair to do this to all the other parents? We can’t go ahead a give a present to them in 4 weeks time and say ‘oh but not little Johnny!’ - snd I would never do that to the poor kid! Clearly a hard conversation to bring up, snd I’m not sure if I can be bothered! I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her. But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?! The parent has also mentioned that she prefers to buy the teachers something just from her and her kids, which while I do understand, it’s going to cost her more than £10 per teacher for the class, and that would then be £20 spent in one go instead of contributing £25 for the entire year.

Maybe the family just don't like being told what to do by complete strangers just because their child happens to attend the same school.
Do your thing and let them do theirs.

I'm with that parent who would refuse to put anything into a class kitty. It's my choice and any rep who decided to have a word would be told where to go.
I don't see how she is being selfish because she would rather do something personal.
Gifts are optional. Always have and always should be.

Just let her be. If she wants to do her own thing that’s completely fine. Do grow up.

I'd much prefer to buy my own gift. It's not about money for me - it's my chance to thank the teacher and contributing to a kitty isn't the same for me. I also wouldn't expect you to put my kids name on the card though!!! You do have my sympathies in that I'm sure being class rep is a thankless role!!

I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her.

She hasn't asked anyone else to contribute to the kitty, though - that's the choice of the other parents.

Oh and gifts can be done for less than £25 for Christmas and Summer. And if you really must chuck in Easter.
They are usually personal as well, and if the teacher is into gifts, they will appreciate it more than the class sheep who take the easy way out.

I wouldn't pay into any daft kitty.

I choose to do my own thing thanks very much ... i can not stand this type of organised mothers tripe in primary school.

Some parents prefer to do their own thing. I would let this go as you will experience worse parent behaviour than this during your time as rep.

Just because it’s a private school doesn’t mean they have money to spare. Besides why should they contribute to a kitty of others choosing. I like to choose who I buy gifts for.

Oh i imagine the teachers get all the warm and fuzzies when they get presents from a fund that all the parents have no choice but to contribute to at the start of the year and then forget all about, and are chosen by just one of the parents with no thought given by the other 29 sets of parents. It’s really touching.

So what if she spends more?

Perhaps she’s happy to spend more because she sees a gift to a teacher as a genuine way to show appreciation, and so prefers to think about it, organise it, and possibly spend more money on it than just write a cheque and not have to give a fuck about it?

You personally may be putting more effort in my being class rep, but I reckon 90% of your peers just think “cheque written, job done in the same spirit as paying for swimming lessons”.

It’s really sad actually, I think a class kitty takes so much of the genuine appreciation out of it. Oh look! End of teen bouquet of flowers and a spa voucher that I was expecting anyway, because I always get them, no matter what the parents actually think about the job I do.

That one parent will probably make your teacher smile, as she’ll know that she was personally bothered to do something.

Gifts are optional. Always have and always should be.
^^ this

£25 for the years gifts. Easter/Xmas/birthday/end of year (why do you know the teachers birthdays? ) oh and get well presents too. For how many teachers? Two? So £12.50/5 occasions to buy for. So £2.50 from each child’s parents per gift. I’m sure that teacher feels very well appreciated when each parent goes to the time and effort of giving £2.50 at the start of the year for an unspecified gift that someone else will choose.

You think school doesn't already know about the ones who pay and the ones who don't???

Even at 20 children/class that comes in at £550/year. It seems like a huge amount of money for gifts for the teacher - £200 at Christmas and 'End of Year' and £100 at Easter???

What on earth do you buy for that? Or is it just a succession of vouchers?

Over a year I probably spend more than £25 on gifts for the teacher but I'd like to think that some thought goes into them and that there is a personal thank you message.

I don't get presents at work. Should I complain? I don't buy presents for teachers and wouldn't contribute. I also wouldn't send a child into this culture because it's nuts

I think £25 a year is excessive anyway. My dc went to private school, and we paid £10 at Christmas and again in the summer.

I always paid, but did think it was over the top. tbh I think the mum who has the moral fortitude to say she is doing her own thing is great. I think in our classes there were always a couple of people who wanted to do their own thing and the only response I was ever aware of was 'cool'.

Don't be that mum. Certainly don't have 'words'.

That is a ton of money. I agree parents don't want to be told how to spend their money. They want to buy their own gifts or not at all.

Don't say anything. It's horrible being expected to pay a set amount towards presents.
It's up to her what she chooses to contribute to.

It’s a voluntary contribution right, not an official fee?

You’ve got too much time on your hands if this is really exercising you. You know nothing about her or her finances. She’s paying for her child’s education. Anything else is her business.

I don’t pay into kitties because a) I can’t afford it, and b) I’d rather do my own thing anyway. What on earth do you buy for that amount of money..?

But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?!

Yes and yes! Demanding £25 from everyone, OTOH, is a new one on me.

We have a kitty but it's always been up to individuals what they contribute, and some always prefer to do their own thing.

And to say you are carrying this kid whose parents don't want to contribute to the kitty is inaccurate. It's not like everyone else is paying extra to cover this child's contribution. So the teacher gets £525 of vouchers in the year, instead of £550? So what?

At least the teacher may get a genuinely thoughtful gift from little Johnny.

I also hate the 'it's private so they can afford to pay' attitude. It doesn't mean that people are happy for you to decide how to spend their money. Some will be fine with it, others won't.

Or maybe the child is there on a bursary and £25 is a huge amount to that family? There could be any number of excellent reasons why she declines to contribute that you're unaware of.