Class Reps and non-contributing parents

[JJ2014]

I’ve just started as a class Rep at my kids school. All the parents have paid for the teachers kitty (they pay £25 per kid, and this covers all the teachers gifts for the entire year - Easter/ Xmas/ birthday gifts/ end of year gift) There is one parent who has decided not to pay. Part of me understands, but the other part is annoyed as they should. That means all the rest of us carry her kid. It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded. One of the teachers had an operation this week and so we got her a small get well gift. It was paid for by the kitty. So effectively her kids name was on the getwell card, but his parents didn’t contribute at all, and have no plan of doing so. How is this fair to do this to all the other parents? We can’t go ahead a give a present to them in 4 weeks time and say ‘oh but not little Johnny!’ - snd I would never do that to the poor kid! Clearly a hard conversation to bring up, snd I’m not sure if I can be bothered! I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her. But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?! The parent has also mentioned that she prefers to buy the teachers something just from her and her kids, which while I do understand, it’s going to cost her more than £10 per teacher for the class, and that would then be £20 spent in one go instead of contributing £25 for the entire year.

It's optional. She's chosen the option of 'no'. And she's also told you she does her own thing. I don't like the forced collection. We have the same at our state primary. Most of the teachers at our school get around £300 a year in vouchers by parents strong armed into contributing! Anyone else get £300 presents from work? Probably not.

It's a ridiculous scenario and I have no idea why it's become accepted. I thank the teacher if appropriate but with the exception of a few, most of the teachers I've come across have done little more than what's expected for an admittedly difficult job, but one for which they receive a fairly decent salary. I really don't see why that should mean £300 gifts. But yet, every year I contribute because of the endless emails demanding the money and the fact they include the contribution as part of things I don't mind paying for. Roll on secondary. You get none of this nonsense.

Op hasn't been back and won't be after an almost unilateral arse handing.

Either that or op just thinks that everyone on here is state school and has no idea how private education system works....

As a teacher I would much rather have a genuine letter of thanks than a gift. As a parent I’ll buy what I want for who I want. I would not contribute to such a fund. It is a ridiculous amount of money. Presents at Easter?????

Hahahaha! Entitled, mean girl bullshit.
I can just imagine you and your twatty pals! Fucks sake.

Wow. Want2be that is truly bonkers. Here, there is a steady stream of chocolates, mugs and maybe a jar of chutney or something at gift giving time. I think a teacher would be embarrassed at the largesse you describe - I would!

Are there not rules about this kind of thing ? When i was a nurse you could accept cards and small gifts such as small boxes of chocolates but nothing major or is it because its private ?

Paying £25 so that the parents don’t have to think about how to thank the people who teach their children is a pretty horrifying concept to me.

It's ridiculous. Honestly. You should cringe at what you've posted. And you, ladybirds, the picture you've conjured up of yourself is unpleasant to say the least.

Bottle of champagne at Christmas. Well worth it for having to put up with DS's alpha mentality and going the extra mile for dd's quietness. Got mire complicated as they got older and had housemaster/form tutor, A'Level teachers etc.

What is a class rep? Other than someone who tries to demand money from other parents?

we do end of year collection- £10 - usually vouchers. People tend to take a token present and card as well from their individual child.

This ^^ is just one of a number of reasons I don’t contribute to class kitties anymore.

You give the requested amount for the teacher and then on the last day everyone brings their own gift anyway.

So if the requested amount was your total budget for gifts then your child then feels left out because they didn’t have a gift to personally hand over to the teacher. (Which is what they like).

I also have, over the years, had nagging concerns regarding the lack of oversight of considerable sums of money. The potential for theft is huge.

I’m sure it’s usually been handled scrupulously but there have been years when I’ve looked at the gift and thought “was I the only person who donated?”.

We buy something small and personal to the teacher. We include some kind of school supply (eg a bundle of pritt stick, rolls of tape etc) and we write a nice card.

I don’t understand Oleanna’s logic associating those who don’t contribute with those who don’t help with the PTA, bring cakes etc?

Putting into the kitty is the lazy option surely? Going to the effort of finding a personal gift isn’t easier.

Regardless I can assure you Oleanna that I volunteer for the PTA, make cakes, go on school trips when I can etc etc etc.

It should be optional and so if she chooses not to contribute that’s her decision. Put her child’s name on the gift or not is your choice,

Personally I don’t get this collection stuff. My son attends a state school and the only time we’ve had collections are when teachers have been ill, have had babies or have left the school.

I always take time to write a card and as DS attends a special school I usually write a personal note to the HT as well. I find these are much more appreciated than fancy gifts.

I often get a Costa coffee card too for his class teacher so she can have some nice coffee or tea when she’s next out in town etc.

So,'do the kids/parents actually sign the card each time? Or is that extra "hassle" also taken off their hands by the class rep. And either way, why do you have to include little johnny's name if his parents (not just Mum) didn't contribute.
Where I work, if someone leaves, there is an envelope in the office drawer and you sign the card as you stick a few quid in the tin. Job done. If you don't wish to contribute, then your name is not on the card.

My kid goes to private school. My parents pay. I have fuck all money and can’t afford the parents nights out most of the time.

Our class rep does a moon pig card with photos of all contributors, then signs it from Form X, if that helps? This type of thing
www.moonpig.com/uk/search/?q=photo%20thank%20you&pnl=previewcard

If you do an office collection for a gift, only those contributing sign the card. Just do the same, put the gift from those it actually came from and anyone who opts out can buy their own gift or do nothing.

Ugh, what a horrible system.

I'm a teacher and would be uncomfortable with this.

Since when was it obligatory to buy teachers anything, at any time of year?

Whenever the present for teacher threads come up, most teachers say that a card and a note to the Head is what they most appreciate. Or perhaps a box of biscuits for the staffroom. (Not that any of them have the time to go in there, but it’s the thought). The things I really appreciated were the very personal things- a stone, painted and varnished to use as a paperweight, homemade sweets, a mug decorated by the child, a thank you letter or card.

All this kitty business feels impersonal. I still remember the paperweight I had from a little lad, a fridge magnet from an older one, some homemade sweets- but most of all, the personal letters, cards and words.

I am a -busybody- class rep and organise a Christmas and summer collection for a teacher gift. I organise it by whatsapp and always stress that it is completely optional. The kids do labels for me to stick in the cards so the people who don't opt in don't have their names in the cards.... this has never struck me as a problem?

We usually get 25 or so contributions. The nightmare is the people giving you money long after you've given the gift.... I normally then buy some biscuits for the office.

As a teacher I would like to see a blanket ban on gifts.
I hate the enforced commercialism that shops are promoting especially at the summer break.
Having heard from various friends about these kitties or just joint present giving, I loathe the upset and guiltily gifting that happens.
A friend was being asked for ‘just ten pounds’ for teacher’s Christmas gift. She has 3 children and can probably afford it, but that’s not the point, I’d rather she took the children to the cinema and enjoyed a family day out.

The best gifts I have had have been cards, letters and drawings with kind messages from children and parents. It is all that is needed.
It is my job, I am paid. Banning all gifts would take a lot of pressure off people!

MrsGatsby99
It might be more impersonal but I would prefer a larger joint gift than 30 mugs or chocolates etc... and ime a lot of thought can go into the joint gift.

Any gift that I get is gratefully received, but I would take 30, 50 even 100 of the same thing as long as it stops someone being bullied and intimidated.

I was that parent who didn’t contribute to the class kitty, also prep school, I made lots of sacrifices to send my daughter there, single parent, daughter who had zero confidence so the school was a huge help. My weekly food budget was £25 per week and we had NO treats. I was really struggling.

I was whispered about, tutted at by the witch who floated around being the self appointed rep. Ironically most of the parents I got in well with and they only agreed to paying to not suffer the same bullying I did by her. She was pretty disliked but would never have known. They just tolerated her including the teachers.

You’re right OP. March up to the tight fucker, preferably in front of the other parents, make sure her child is there too. And call her out in her miserly ways.

Then come back and tell us how it went...

You don't know their financial circumstances.
£25 is a lot of damn money to some people.
Have you never seen a poor day in your life.
That could be the difference whether or not they can top up their electric/gas meter.
However ,I'm glad this child's name has been included on the card, after all. It'd be a bit cruel to penalise him/her over their parents financial hardship, wouldn't it