Class Reps and non-contributing parents

[JJ2014]

I’ve just started as a class Rep at my kids school. All the parents have paid for the teachers kitty (they pay £25 per kid, and this covers all the teachers gifts for the entire year - Easter/ Xmas/ birthday gifts/ end of year gift) There is one parent who has decided not to pay. Part of me understands, but the other part is annoyed as they should. That means all the rest of us carry her kid. It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded. One of the teachers had an operation this week and so we got her a small get well gift. It was paid for by the kitty. So effectively her kids name was on the getwell card, but his parents didn’t contribute at all, and have no plan of doing so. How is this fair to do this to all the other parents? We can’t go ahead a give a present to them in 4 weeks time and say ‘oh but not little Johnny!’ - snd I would never do that to the poor kid! Clearly a hard conversation to bring up, snd I’m not sure if I can be bothered! I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her. But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?! The parent has also mentioned that she prefers to buy the teachers something just from her and her kids, which while I do understand, it’s going to cost her more than £10 per teacher for the class, and that would then be £20 spent in one go instead of contributing £25 for the entire year.

That is excessive amounts of presents to buy a teacher. I don't blame that mum for not paying.

Would she need to declare it for tax purposes?

Teacher’s kitty - good grief! Is this the norm in private schools?

Perhaps you could use your stint as class rep to end this nonsense. I’m with the rebel parent.

I tend not to pay into kitties for class teachers.

For a whole variety of reasons I prefer to give an individual gift.

You’d get very short shrift from me if you told me I was selfish.

Can't you get your DC to duff her kid up and pinch its pocket money to put in the kitty?

I think that parent is out of order. As a parent rep myself, its a massive hassle when someone doesn't play ball. I would have a conversation with her and tell her that she is the only one who isn't contributing and her child's name will not be in the card. She needs to know the consequences of her actions.

Consequences of what actions?
Doing her own thing?
Teaching her children that they don't have to be sheep and that they have free will? That they don't have to follow blindly along. That they can be independent.

That's fine Ladybirds but who is making the rules here?

It's all very well 'not playing ball' if you have agreed the rules of engagement but in many cases it just seems to be the way that things have been done for years with no recent consultation around whether it's what this set of parents would like to do.

WTF. It truly is another world.

Regardless of how I feel about "class kitties" (consequences of her actions?! Are you fucking serious?).... does the child in question not have a father? Is the mother the only one in for a pasting, or will you get your husband to speak to the dad to bring his woman in line?

its a massive hassle when someone doesn't play ball

I’d be very interested to know how one parent out of 25 choosing not to contribute constitutes a “massive hassle”.

I’m struggling to imagine the scenario..

I'd be that parent. Some stuffed up self important twit declaring themselves the 'Class Rep' and demanding money from me would be told where to go. I do buy my son's teachers a gift, but they are from him, not some generic gift from a parent who thinks they are in charge.

And from the other side, I'd be absolutely mortified if I heard about this sort of crap happening in my classroom, and I'd put a stop to it, going to my Principal if necessary. Completely inappropriate.

Having a conversation like that sounds highly unpleasant and bordering on intimidation.

The parents who decide not to participate in class gifts are so often also the ones who don't get involved in the PTA (but complain when there's no tombola at the summer fair this year); don't send in cakes for the bake sale; don't help out at sports day...

OP, YANBU but there's nothing that you can do about it

I have never heard of a class kitty , this is a new one for me .
My daughter is 8 and we live in central London.

That was to ladybirds

A class kitty!! Whatever next?!

I would very much resent being asked to pay into this at all, and £25 each is ridiculous. So for a class of 20 students then the kitty would contain £500 for gifts for the year? What the hell would you spend it on?

Beyond a box of chocs at Christmas or year end when mine were in primary school, I wasn't into teacher gifts. I would have sorted myself out if I wanted to give anything.

You don't know that it is affordable for all. Perhaps some children are there on scholarships, bursaries etc. and the parents struggle to pay for all extras.

Don't be having words. It is absolutely none of your business. If you had words with me I would be very angry and feel hugely judged.

I think there's something weird about adult class reps, they've left school.
I wouldn't contribute either, nor would the teachers like it.
It all sounds a bit embarrassing, have you nothing better to do?

Oh wow, that's a bit of a leap to assume we never get involved.
Pta? Yup.
Cakes? Yup,
Sports day? Yup
School trips? Yup
Volunteer parent for reading? Yup
Help set up library? Yup

But selfish because don't want to put into a class thing haha. What a crock of crap

Completely normal in private schools to have class kitties. Most parents prefer them as it takes out the extra effort thinking what to buy and getting something e.g as above when the teacher had an operation. £25 isn't even too high for a whole year for your child's teacher.

Have you seen the film Bad Moms? It’s about the misfit mums who don’t conform and are bullied by the shiny mums. Or Big Little Lies? Similar theme. You’re a Mean Girl/Queen Bee.

I bet it's the mother's who get judged for failing to contribute to the class kitty / send in cakes/ help out at sports day. No judgement coming the fathers' way I imagine.

Why should anyone feel guilty for not involving themselves with all that?

ladybirds,
No it’s not NORMAL at all, maybe at a boarding school it may well be but not at any private school I know in London and believe me I know them all.

tell her that she is the only one who isn't contributing

Well that would be a barefaced lie as she is actually contributing more than everyone else by purchasing gifts herself.

I'm a teacher. Currently working in a state school but in the dim and distant past worked in a private school.

I do not want parents to contribute to a present to me, especially if they don't want to. Love my class this year, but it's my job. If you want to make me a card/buy wine/nice pens/make nice shortbread that's lovely, but I'd be hugely embarrassed by the kitty idea as a general thing.

Most parents prefer them as it takes out the extra effort thinking what to buy and getting something

Like I said, so touching. I can feel the warmth from here