Class Reps and non-contributing parents

[JJ2014]

I’ve just started as a class Rep at my kids school. All the parents have paid for the teachers kitty (they pay £25 per kid, and this covers all the teachers gifts for the entire year - Easter/ Xmas/ birthday gifts/ end of year gift) There is one parent who has decided not to pay. Part of me understands, but the other part is annoyed as they should. That means all the rest of us carry her kid. It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded. One of the teachers had an operation this week and so we got her a small get well gift. It was paid for by the kitty. So effectively her kids name was on the getwell card, but his parents didn’t contribute at all, and have no plan of doing so. How is this fair to do this to all the other parents? We can’t go ahead a give a present to them in 4 weeks time and say ‘oh but not little Johnny!’ - snd I would never do that to the poor kid! Clearly a hard conversation to bring up, snd I’m not sure if I can be bothered! I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her. But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?! The parent has also mentioned that she prefers to buy the teachers something just from her and her kids, which while I do understand, it’s going to cost her more than £10 per teacher for the class, and that would then be £20 spent in one go instead of contributing £25 for the entire year.

If a parent is going to give $1000 it should be as a donation to the school, not for a teacher gift.

Umm no. It should be for whoever the person giving the gift wants it to be for. You don’t get to decide what other people do with their gifts. Some schools don’t spend donations responsibly, whereas an individual teacher might be an actual saint in human form in the parent’s eyes.

Thanks for all your lovely responses. Some were actually answering the question nicely, not being absolute idiots and name calling. As for @thedogishot - your response was extra lovely and really helped answer the question- so glad you gave some insight to the person you are. And @rubylux again, thanks for answering the question, oh no, you just decided to rant - I can actually imagine you are your twatty pals. You are actually pretty mean yourself. To the others who offered nothing but a rant, I can’t mention you all as that’s just too boring. On a nicer note, thanks to the teachers for writing, it’s nice to know what’s the norm and expected in general. I didn’t set the rule across the school, I’m going with all the other Rep’s, and to be honest I hate asking from money as there is always something to contribute to weekly, you feel like your hand is forever in your pocket.

'just being absolute idiots and name calling ...twatty pals...just too boring'

The IRONY.

Here is a novel idea. Stop asking and let the parents deal with it all themselves. Just like we did before self-appointed reps were introduced.

As a teacher, I would be horrified if a parent was demanding that other parents pay money for buying me a gift. Even if a parent is a millionaire, it is up to them if they want to contribute.

As a parent, I am eternally grateful that there are no "class reps" at my kids school. I can't stand the school gate nazis who malign any parent who can't (or just don't want to) run a stall at the school fair or spend their free time attending a PTA pamper evening. I contribute what I can afford and what time I have available to staff presents and school events but none of these things are obligatory.

I get you OP, being a class rep is a thankless job much of the time,

It’s nice that you’ve asked for opinions and I hope from the helpful answers you’ve got what you need.

I always tend to buy a coffee voucher for the teachers in DS’s class as they are brilliant with him and the others, I do this once a year and generally it costs me £40 to buy four cards with £10 on each. I hope that they go and have a nice tea or coffee with friends as a result, I always write a nice letter to them and the HT too. I find that’s more appreciated that the coffee vouchers,

I hate being corralled into anything joint and would rather stop the teacher and tell them how very much I appreciate them and how much they have helped my child - if that is true. If they are exceptional and leaving I'll get them something engraved.

Not everyone at private school is wealthy. My dd is on a 75% bursary and it's still a stretch!

Op reread your last post. You really aren't portraying yourself in a good light. Are you still planning 'to have words' with this parent who isn't toeing the line?

Even £1 each is more than ample.
I don't know how many are in the class but let's say 30. You can get a decent gift for £30.

@DeloresJaneUmbridge
Thank you for the idea! That’s a great one. Will suggest that to the class!

We never put money into the kitty, we do our own thing. We usually bake the teachers favourite cake, or get them a personalised small gift.

It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded

You don't know their circumstances. They may be scrimping and saving to keep the child at that school; circumstances may have changed. You just don't know.

so are you still annoyed at the non conforming person or not?

I hope that means you've decided not to say anything, because you really shouldn't. Kitties are completely optional, and should be treated as such. Many, many families, including ours, prefer to do our own thing to thank teachers.

Who the hell gives an Easter present to teachers or indeed anyone else?

I’m not at this stage yet but I’d feel a bit weird pre-paying for gifts at the start of the year before you know what the teacher is like with your child. I remember leaving sixth form and getting flowers and writing cards for two teachers who had helped me enormously. Lots of the others were sort of fine but there was one woman that had treated me like absolute shite. I’d have felt so angry if I’d have contributed to a class gift for her as she was a complete bitch to me. I’m assuming this is in relation to primary rather than secondary but I don’t see why it should routine that a teacher gets £500 odd quid in gifts over the course of the year with that money taken upfront from parents.

We have the same system at all the children's schools. If a parent chooses not to pay, fine, one makes very little different at all.
Their children just don't sign the cards at Christmas or at the end of the year.

The kitty should be completely optional, and I would have a suggested contribution of £25, so parents can put in more or less to suit their circumstances. All children's names, or just the name of the class should be on the card, it is wrong to exclude children because of their parents' choice to contribute money or not. A card costs about £2, and it is costing nothing to let a child write their name on it.

Who is it all for? The children and their teacher, or the parents?

I don't like the whole idea but your right to do it if you want. However I wouldn't consider singling a child out to punish the parents - I'd put the money in for them before doing that. Having said that, for all I know the kid loathes this teacher for some reason and begged his mum not to make him have his name on the card.
To me, if the parents are coughing up money and the kids aren't involved in choosing pressies for the teacher it's not a gift from the kids anyway but from the parents. And there's no reason parents shouldn't do that, but then why say it's from the kids? This whole way of doing it seems to push the kids out of the whole equation anyway.

We have the same system at our school 25 dollars per child paid at start of the year to class rep if wanted to. One year I didn't pay because only one dc had organized payments and it didn't seem right. There is a ban on any gifts over 25 dollars to limit gifting.

However I wouldn't consider singling a child out to punish the parents - I'd put the money in for them before doing that.

Why is it singling out a child? By the sounds of it, the children have got nothing to do with the gift anyway, so would have no idea whether their name was on the card or not. And if I were a parent who had elected not to contribute to a communal gift (and perhaps had done my own thing separately), I would be beyond pissed off if some do-gooder parent in the class put in the money supposedly on my behalf (but more likely to make themselves look good).

OMG you're a class repzilla. People may not want to contribute for any number of reasons and it's none of your business what that reason may be.

For those of us who have read big little lies I'll bet we are in agreement which character the op is 😁

What do you mean it's a rule across the school, op? Says who?