Class Reps and non-contributing parents

[JJ2014]

I’ve just started as a class Rep at my kids school. All the parents have paid for the teachers kitty (they pay £25 per kid, and this covers all the teachers gifts for the entire year - Easter/ Xmas/ birthday gifts/ end of year gift) There is one parent who has decided not to pay. Part of me understands, but the other part is annoyed as they should. That means all the rest of us carry her kid. It’s a private school, so it’s not like if can’t be afforded. One of the teachers had an operation this week and so we got her a small get well gift. It was paid for by the kitty. So effectively her kids name was on the getwell card, but his parents didn’t contribute at all, and have no plan of doing so. How is this fair to do this to all the other parents? We can’t go ahead a give a present to them in 4 weeks time and say ‘oh but not little Johnny!’ - snd I would never do that to the poor kid! Clearly a hard conversation to bring up, snd I’m not sure if I can be bothered! I find it selfish that she’s comfortable with the others paying, but not her. But is this normal behaviour of parents, has anyone else come across it?! The parent has also mentioned that she prefers to buy the teachers something just from her and her kids, which while I do understand, it’s going to cost her more than £10 per teacher for the class, and that would then be £20 spent in one go instead of contributing £25 for the entire year.

I am sure I have heard that there are "class reps" busy bodies in state schools now too. Primary schools more than secondary.

You really would get short shrift from me. You may be fortunate enough to be able to see £25 as peanuts. Good for you. To some of us it would be a lot, especially if we had more than one child at the school.

It might be more impersonal but I would prefer a larger joint gift than 30 mugs or chocolates etc... and ime a lot of thought can go into the joint gift.

Of course, it is everyone's choice if they don't want to be part of a group present but their name should not be on the card. 25 pounds a year does seem generous to me, though. We do as much or as little as you want and get involved or don't. No pressure. And buy vouchers but for things we know the teacher likes like NT membership, John Lewis vouchers etc as well as a small "tangible' gift. Can work well.

Being in private doesn't rule out not being able to afford it. Maybe grandparents/another relative pay the fees? that's how mine went to private.
Or maybe they don't want to chip in and don't actually care if their child is on the card or not.
Or maybe they just don't like the teacher.

I would be really pissed off if I heard a class rep had so much as mentioned someones choice not to donate, little token gifts as a thanks for doing my job well are lovely but half the fun is seeing what people have decided I might like, my favourite ever was the child that bought me glittery slime and a kinder egg because it was so obviously related to conversations we'd had. I don't want the class rep bullying money out of people for gift vouchers/the standard flowers, wine and chocolate, I want the class rep drumming up volunteers and reminding people about PTA events, maybe answering the 4000 questions each PTA disco seems to produce

I'm a class parent. Our school district is extremely mixed. In DSs class the range stretches the whole income distribution. One kids parents sold their business last year to Walmart. That kid sits next to a kid whose mother is raising them and their 4 siblings working at McDonald's as a store manager making $12/hr. She works 70-80 hours a week.

When it comes to the holidays I send a message out asking for any contributions towards materials for the class gift. For thanksgiving I've had parents send me a picture of their child and I've printed them onto paper leaves which I made into a wreath. On the back of each leaf each kid has written why they are thankful for their teacher. Every kid is on the wreath.

Total cost was about $10 which I paid for myself. I then did a collection which was entirely voluntary. Wealthy family gave $1000 and the poorer families gave a small amounts, which must have been hard for them to save. Everyone else in the middle gave $50-100. There was absolutely zero judgment and I would never tell any of the other parents what anyone else gave.

You never know how much or how little someone has to give. Don't judge. Yes it's a private school. I went to one. Some of my friends parents didn't eat, walked or cycled everywhere, never had the heating on etc so they could pay the fees.

Why is there a problem with names being on the card or not? Surely you can just put "from class 5" or whatever, to get round the whole "hassle" of it all?

I think class kitties are a daft and presumptuous idea anyway, but if you are going to go down that route then be careful to do it in a way which doesn't publicise (directly or indirectly) those who for whatever reason have chosen not to contribute.

Do you find people then do their own gifts as well? DS is at a private school and we do end of year collection- £10 - usually vouchers. People tend to take a token present and card as well from their individual child.
As to the one who doesn’t contribute- people are a pain! Leave them to it. I think there are a few in our class, glad I don’t have to organise it.

Want2be who was the collection of over $1000 for? The teacher?

Don't be ridiculous - you're not going to write "from Class 4J except Johnny," are you? You're either going to write "from 4J" or write the names of the children whose parents have contributed. Teacher will then get a separate gift from Johnny which will explain why his name isn't in the card (not that she will have noticed). I sometimes contribute to the class collection, but sometimes want to get something more personal. For example, this term has been very hard for my daughter and the staff have been amazing, so I am getting the Head, her teacher and teaching assistants something special and thoughtful to say thank you.

7salmon One of the parents gave it as their contribution for the gift for the teacher. I assumed they got a zero wrong and asked if they wanted me to send $900 back. They said no, the teacher is fabulous and underpaid. It's expensive where we live an a more junior teacher is paid about $55k (it's public record) a year. This teacher has 3DC so money will be tight for her family.

My point is that you give what you can afford to give. It's no one else's business. I wouldn't ask for a fixed contribution of £25. Some will give more, some less, some none. Just ask for contributions and gift ideas.

I used the cash to buy a discounted gift cards for Walmart and GAP which can be used at quite a few different stores. The $1500 collected, I managed to get almost $2000 in gift cards. Was quite proud of myself!

Want2be

Wow. Did the teacher know that one parent gave an oversized gift? As the donor, I’d probably have wanted to do that separately and privately, and probably an actual check (although $2k for $1.5k is awesome. Nice work! Also there may be rules against this, there are in my kids’ schools).

On the actual OP, we do collective gifts at the end of the year but there are very tight rules around money: no more than $10/child and never in cash/vouchers. So the gifts tend to be home-made yearbooks; collages of the children’s paintings of the teacher; hand-written memories of the year. A token $5 per child is requested to pay for printing or laminating.

I think this is quite appropriate and don’t mind at all. I abhor giving for the sake of it, and also think it’s a waste of time and money.

If a parent is going to give $1000 it should be as a donation to the school, not for a teacher gift.

Since when have teacher gifts been a thing anyway? We never did it when I was at school. I would much rather give a sum of my choosing or buy my own gift than give a set amount dictated by another person towards an item I have no choice in. Gifts should be optional, personal and individual. Otherwise they're just like a subsidiary school fee!

I've been class rep heaps of times. I always try to encourage every kid to draw/write in a card, but giving money is optional.
You don't always know peoples' circumstances . And the teachers are appreciative anyway.

7salmon I have a FT job and doing the class parent thing I just keep it simple. The parents can give a gift on their own or they can give collectively. It's their choice. I just assumed the $1000 was incorrect and should be $100. Once it was confirmed it was correct I just carried on. Some families in my town are households that earn $1-3 million a year. They can easily afford to give $1000.

midnite I don't disagree. This is what DH and I do. We have purchased access to NYU autism researchers for our district. It's selfish motives as our DC have autism, but the research available to the special needs area is excellent as well as the school taking placements from therapists in training. We also contribute with some other parents to pay for them to have a party at twice a year. The parties are about $20k each as all staff in the district are invited. We have 6 schools between elementary through high school. We guilt the local waterfront hotel into hosting it at a discount. It should cost about $50k for each event.

I am a teacher and I have posted here loads of times saying the same thing. Teachers do not want presents. If you want to express your thanks then a card or an email with a message about how much you and your child has appreciated their teaching (CC in the head if you really really are happy). That means so much more than bottles of wine.

500 quids' worth of gifts over the year in well OTT.

Some SAHP (not all and I have been one) have nothing much to do if they get upset over someone not contributing to a class kitty . This is a joke post, right OP?

You would hate me then - my children are in private school and following a job change I just cannot afford this now (it happens every year - the teachers get a ridiculous amount of vouchers). I’d be hugely embarrassed and feel very upset that you were gossiping about my not contributing and then coming on here to go on. Have some empathy - it won’t be that black and white for goodness sake. This sums up everything I hate about private school and some of the parents.

Class rep? Gift kitty? Teacher's needing showering with gifts by committee? Who decided all that then?

Couldn't be arsed with all that.

As a teacher, I don't want presents. I can buy my own wine, chocolate etc and I get sick of relentless consumerism where we all must buy stuff for every possible occasion.

Class rep? What that? My DC’s went to private schools but there wasn’t a class rep.

Surely it’s not a closed shop, she’s allowed not to buy into the ridiculous gift buying for every occasion thing.

Seriously,, gifts for Christmas, summer, Easter, illness - the teacher does get paid to work you know!

I think an obligatory class kitty is an awful concept. I’d also not contribute.

I wouldn’t want to be in your kitty either. I want my child to do her own card and her own presents. She almost passed out with excitement when we saw some Iron Man cuff links which we got for her teacher. She wrapped them up herself and carefully carried them in to school. And she couldn’t wait to give him to him. That’s what it’s about for me.

Not her sitting on the carpet while the children chosen by other parents give the teacher a card chosen by other parents and a present chosen by other parents that she has no connection with at all.

Is this really, genuinely a thing? I went to private and boarding schools all my life and there was never a class rep or kitty!

Mandatory gift giving sucks the meaning out of it. I would much prefer to do my own thing. OP, you’re being a massive busybody. Nobody made this compulsory except for you and quite frankly, who made you chief parent?? Just pop back to reality, remember that people are individuals with free will and stop bossing them around like they are your own children.