Absolutely mortified!!

[Revengers18]

I'm at parents evening and after finishing with one of the teachers I accidentally awkwardly hugged her... She opened one arm out, I put my hand out and we ended up doing a half handshake and half hug like rappers do, omg it was so awkward...

Anyone else accidentally done something mortifying, please relay me with teacher stories so I don't feel as embarrassed...

BTW, it was the first time I'd met her too...

Absolutely embarrassing! Now waiting to see another teacher, hopefully will not make the same mistake...

Went to Paris with a friend. Met HER friend, who took us to meet HIS friends. Vehr sophisticated French people. I had not met a proper French person before as an adult. Thought I was being tres de rigeur to do the old cheek kissy thing. Except I didn't know about air kissing and planted large purple lipstick marks on each side of their faces and then had to spend the rest of the evening with them and even writing this has made me want to curl up and die.

At a job interview in my early twenties I got up and thanked the panel of three and turned to leave the room. There were two doors, I picked the wrong one and ended up in the cleaning cupboard. Instead of being normal and closing the door and apologising I grabbed a mop and pretended to clean the floor before emitting a nervous giggle and leaving the room still clutching the mop. Unsurprisingly I didn't get the job!

Whilst very ill and not really with it, I answered the front door to a courier who delivered a large parcel. I asked if he'd bring it inside for me as I wasn't well. He did, then scarpered. It was only after he'd gone that I realised I was wearing a pyjama top and nothing below.

When I got married in church there were a few ladies standing at the back by the doors at the end of the aisle. These were vergers of the church or helpers to assist with the wedding and associated tasks involved in clearing up I think.

Anyhow, I kind of skipped down the aisle, grinning wildly and rushed up to one of them and gave them a huge hug and said thanks for coming. It only occurred to me quite some months later that this was not a guest and i had never seen this person before.. I cringe every time I think of it because I now see this woman around the village quite a bit...

Mumthedogsbeensick - I am absolutely hysterical reading your mop story!

I was waiting in for a parcel to be delivered a while ago and it didn't arrive when it was due to, I decided to get ready to go out and jumped in the shower. About 2 minutes after getting in the shower I hear the doorbell ring, by the time I've gotten out the shower and shoved on my (extremely short/skimpy) dressing gown and gotten to the door the postman has moved on about two more houses. So me in my soaking wet, half naked state shout down the road "have you got a package for me?"
He looked both mortified and very excited at the same time.. wasn't until I got back inside and shut the door that I realised what I had said!

So I went for a new job the other day after having 10months off on maternity leave.
Interview was going well (by then I thought I'd won them over- yay me) at the end as I was leaving the very senior, proper boss was asking me questions about my mat leave (y'know, small talk etc) he then asked, "what did you have?" to which I replied, "a baby."
The guy muttered some congratulatory remark whilst I went bright red. I got silently ushered out the door. I wish this was all but as I turned round to say goodbye, I shook his hand. He sort of leaned forward so I went to give him a hug (wtf was I thinking?!) I realised my error so to make up for it and to make it look like I wasn't going in for a hug, I STRAIGHTENED HIS TIE.

Oh.. And I didn't get the job, sadly 😂

mumthedogsbeensick and youknowyourself those interview stories are amazing!!! I’ve genuinely nearly chocked trying not to laugh in my office, so funny!!

Half term at the airport and a man holding our family name is awaiting us at the airport. I see him, wave and we trot over. He puts out his hand and said something like "it's wet" which I for some reason thought meant he had just washed his hands and decided to have a half hug. On the way in I realised it was wrong and weird but you know, committed.
It was only when I released him he looked down at me through his chin and said..."OK...so, this way", I realised that is what he had said the first time - the hand was gesturing the direction of the car

Have also called the delivery man "poppet" which I think at best seems condescending or as if at 37 I'm an aged old crone and they are young enough to be my child .

I've loads from when I was younger (thankfully I've overwritten most of them on my memory stick!) but one that sticks in my mind... was at a friend's wedding. She is Chinese and her whole family were there to celebrate, all on the dance floor at some point or another. I'd been knocking back the wines like shots and was enthusiastically dancing when my friends' dad came on the dance floor about 1 meter away. He proceeds to do a dad dance and he's being clapped on by onlookers. At this point I suddenly decide I should reverse nearer and bum-butt him. I did it once and he looked a little confused (hadn't seen me coming) but my second one was a little too enthusiastic and he flew about 2 meters into the watching crowd, who looked suitably aghast. He was too little or my arse was too big...who knows. He didn't venture onto the dancefloor in my proximity for the rest of the night. Poor man.

When I went to Oz with my friend we decided to have some treatments in a spa. After having a back massage by a male therapist he said they had spare appointments if we wanted any other treatments. I asked for a foot massage. I don't know for the life of me why, when he said to make myself comfortable I took of my robe. I was topless from the previous massage. He was a bit 😮. I quickly covered up when I realised what I was doing, but he must have thought I was coming on to him. Oh how embarrassing. I've only told this story in real life once.

A childhood friend's mum passed away. We hadn't really kept in touch but out of respect I went to the funeral.
All quite sad and sombre obviously, and at the end, the daughter (my friend), her brother and father were stood at the doors of the church, accepting condolences and making brief small talk as everyone filed out. It came to my turn, I spoke as expected, hugged her, and went to move on, except I couldnt, because MY HEEL WAS STUCK IN THE GRATE.
Im dying inside as I frantically try to wriggle free, trying to be inconspicuous and awarkly continuing conversation whilst being incredibly conscious of the line behind me wondering what on earth the holdup is, and the other mourners milling around who are looking on. I have to take my foot out of my shoe and get down on my knees to get it out. Awkward doesnt even come close......I bolted once I finally got free, face burning.

I’ve told this story before on here but anyway
I was at Head office and the very big boss was there. We ended up next to each other at the buffet so I was there holding a plate in one had and a glass in the other. Big boss turned to me holding a sandwich and asked “what do you think is in this one” ( obviously just making conversation ) for some reason I TOOK A BIG BITE OUT OF IT!
So he’s standing there with half a sandwich looking at me in horror while I try to eat it as quickly as possible but it’s actually something I don’t like. I swallowed it and replied “think it’s ham” before rushing to the toilet to hide (until went back to America)

When I read about posters who, when reading a thread, say they are having to stifle laughter so much that their muffled giggles have woken their DH up or made the children ask what's so funny etc. I never really believed it. ....until i read this thread.

Working (me: sort of) in our joint office I keep collapsing into stifled giggles and making odd snorting sounds so much that DP is looking at me oddly and asking me what's so funny. This thread is hilarious!

I posted before but I have some more.

I was conducting an audit with a client and we were in their boardroom - vair posh, huge walnut boardroom table, leather cladded walls etc. I asked a question and as the CEO considered his answer, I took a huge mouthful of coffee. He responded in a very sarcastic way, which made me involuntarily burst out laughing. And sprayed him, his assistant, and the boardroom table with a jet of coffee straight from my mouth.

With a perfectly straight face he wiped coffee from his cheek and drily asked if he should fetch an anorak for my next question.

Another, recently - I had been running a round of seminars, and we generally see the same speakers day after day throughout. It's all quite friendly and it's not unusual to air kiss them hello and goodbye occasionally.

One of them was huge and tall and Australian, a bit intimidating but was generally an all round hilarious bloke. On the last day of the round I went round saying my goodbyes to everyone.

When I reached the big tall guy, he towered over me by at least 18 inches. He went to shake my hand, and for some reason I reached up, grabbed the lapel of his jacket and PULLED HIM DOWN TO KISS HIM.

I don't know why I did it, he looked astounded and I blushed furiously then ran. I have never spoken of this to anyone, but when I saw him at a conference a few months later he winked at me.

Christ it's no wonder everyone thinks that boring 3 day conferences are a hot bed of adulterous liaisons and bed hopping, when we're all just socially inept.

My dear old Mum has always been absolutely wonderful at innocently putting the most awful double entendres out there in conversation when I'm with friends. Years ago I had some university mates staying while my Mum and Dad were away in their camper van. Parents arrived back and one of my lovely friends was making conversation as Mum unpacked camping stuff in the kitchen and remarked on the coffee grinder. Mum waxed lyrical about how my Dad likes his coffee freshly ground in the morning and declared 'oh, he wakes me up every morning with his grinding'. OMG, we all nearly wet ourselves trying not to laugh. Even now (nearly 30 years on), whenever I meet this friend, we have a good snigger about this.

I have a habit of drying up and not being able to think of anything to say when in the presence of a famous person, however minor their celebrity. I hate myself a little bit for being so easily starstruck, like some kind of simpering teenager, but I don't seem to be able to help it - I end up with a fixed grin which I imagine is very unsettling for the person at whom it is directed. People who have had this treatment to date include Germaine Greer, Jeremy Paxman, Will Self, and the sodding Krankies.

Anyway, one time I went to a Graham Coxon gig at a very small venue, and afterwards he was signing things at a table near the stage. The queue was very short and I suppose I didn't have enough time while I was waiting to think up anything to say, because when I got to the front, I wordlessly thrust a flyer at him to sign, all the time thinking "Say something, you wooden bitch, just have a normal interaction with another human being for once". I ended up blurting out "God, you must be exhausted! Can I get you a pint?" This was at the height of his well-publicised struggle with alcoholism. He just scowled at me, shoved the signed flyer back at me, and icily said "Not really."

OH GOD I HATE MYSELF.

Not me, but my tutor at university who told me this about herself. She was at a conference in another university town, and in the lunch break she decided to go out to a cafe rather than eat in the conference centre canteen.
It was self-service, so she got a tray and was moving along the line, juggling folders, handbag, getting her purse out, the whole hands-full routine.
She picked a bun and a Kit-Kat to go with her tea, paid up at the till and then looked around for a table.
The only seat vacant was opposite a man at a table for two. She asked if she could sit down and he said yes. She put down her tray on the table and sat down.
After stashing all the folders, books etc she turned her attention to the table, only to see the man pick up her Kit-Kat, slowly unwrap it and bite into it.
She looked incredulously at him in a 'wtaf' way, and he just stared back at her. So she was so angry that she picked up HIS pastry and took a big bite out of it, and said 'There!' and gathered up all her stuff and walked out in high dudgeon. It was only as she was hanging her coat up back at the conference that she found HER Kit-Kat in her coat pocket, where she had put it when juggling all the stuff in the self-service line.

Hopping green, that one really did just made me laugh out loud. 🤣

I went for an interview but there weren't enough chairs. Interviewer went and got an uncomfortable looking one from the canteen. I offered to sit on it but she said no.

For some reason, I decided to try and wrestle it from her. We both silently pulled it to and fro for an excruciating 30 seconds, whilst the rest of the panel looked on in horror.

No, I didn't get the job!

I went for an interview but there weren't enough chairs. Interviewer went and got an uncomfortable looking one from the canteen. I offered to sit on it but she said no.

For some reason, I decided to try and wrestle it from her. We both silently pulled it to and fro for an excruciating 30 seconds, whilst the rest of the panel looked on in horror.

No, I didn't get the job!

Oh my gosh, Katsu, can totally see how that happened.

This is the best thread

It's like the complete polar opposite of Instagram and Facebook where you see the smooth glossy edits of people's lives.

@ShreddedBanksy now I need to know who he is. I know you're not going to tell me but I really do need to know