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Original poster

Absolutely mortified!!

257 replies

Revengers18 · 06/11/2018 19:43

I'm at parents evening and after finishing with one of the teachers I accidentally awkwardly hugged her... She opened one arm out, I put my hand out and we ended up doing a half handshake and half hug like rappers do, omg it was so awkward...

Anyone else accidentally done something mortifying, please relay me with teacher stories so I don't feel as embarrassed...

BTW, it was the first time I'd met her too...

Absolutely embarrassing! Now waiting to see another teacher, hopefully will not make the same mistake...

OP posts:
NorseSkogkatt · 08/11/2018 08:15

I have such a history of cringeworthy things it's hard to pick one Blush

Once I left an answerphone message on my MIL's answering machine where I accidentally didn't put the phone down properly after leaving my message. When she played it back she was treated to the sound of me singing "There's a worm at the bottom of the garden and it's name is wiggly woo" I didn't even have DC at the time, i was singing it to myself

NorseSkogkatt · 08/11/2018 08:16

Another terribly embarrassing thing I have done is just posted that little anecdote under a NC which I used especially to post pictures of my cat, thereby making myself identifiable in RL as the wiggly worm singer.

Fuck sake!

onefootinthegrave · 08/11/2018 08:22

Not really a greeting, but at one parents evening in secondary with DS who has aspergers. Introduced to the science teacher, who then said to DS 'So, you seem to have enjoyed science more this year, why do you think that is?' So DS in his loud voice replies 'Because you've been teaching us about sex'...

I think my response was 'Ok, moving on...' but I think my face turned bright red. Still I bet it gave all the parents sitting behind us waiting a bloody good laugh!

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General education
Papergirl1968 · 08/11/2018 08:27

This should go in classics.
Crying 😅 at some of these - the thumb shake, the curtsies, the sleeping in the Co-Op.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/11/2018 09:25

I was humming along to that 'wigglyl worm' song, Norse, and I don't even know the tune... Grin

Missedmoments · 08/11/2018 09:35

Absolutely love this thread. Thanks OP.

I kissed my osteopath after my first appointment. He worked from his house and as I was leaving I gave him a hug & a kiss Blush I have NO idea why I did it & when I saw his stunned face I turned on my heels and ran away!! When I finally returned for my second appointment I tried to apologise but made a right hash of it and I had to spend the next hour with him in awkward silence. Didn’t help that he had to do a massage in my neck area whilst probably thinking I was in love with him. Omg, the mortification is still there all these years later !!

Harpingon · 08/11/2018 09:40

I got completely naked for a back massage (she said to get undressed behind the screen, so I did) a small towel was placed on my bottom but it was an uncomfortable half an hour! : )

Worldweary · 08/11/2018 09:52

Years ago when I worked in industry I went down to greet a supplier's rep in reception. He seemed to have one of his arms in a sling laying across his body and tucked under his jacket as one sleeve of his jacket was empty. He extended his other hand which I shook. "What happened to your arm?" I asked. "I lost it!" he replied, breezily. Seeing the excrutiating shock, horror and embarrassment on my face he then said, as if to mitigate the situation. "Oh, don't worry. I've got used to it now."

StoppinBy · 08/11/2018 10:05

Not exactly the same thing but

When I first started working at a pub I had to of course learn to pull a beer, one of the regulars whose name is Dick was my first ever 'Victim'

After I gave him his beer and clearly without thinking it through I said to him You're my first Dick haha - try that one in a pub without blushing as the whole bar and your brand new boss smirks and chuckels at what you just said.

Oh why oh why could he not just have had a different name lol.

ClarabellaCTL · 08/11/2018 10:07

This thread is great, I'm crying with laughter!!! Thank you OP

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 08/11/2018 10:11

I have Dutch family and my group of (girl) friends all tend to kiss on the cheek for hello/bye, so I'm very used to hugs and kisses going together.

I lost count of the number of tall male friends I accidentally kissed on the neck at university — they'd give me a hug and I'd automatically go for the kiss despite being in completely the wrong position. And the neck is not the polite place to kiss somebody you've only just met.

ClarabellaCTL · 08/11/2018 10:20

Not a greeting, but definitely my most cringe-worthy moment. I was visiting a supplier for work, and they put on a buffet lunch in the conference room. They had put out little bottles of freshly squeezed juice and 'kindly' loosened the lids. I didn't think the lid wasn't attached so I picked one up and gave a good old shake to mix the pulp and the entire bottle of fresh orange went all over me, the Managing Director to my right and his laptop. He had orange juice dripping off his nose! It was EVERYWHERE. There were about 7 people in the room and they all just sat in silence for what felt like an hour looking at me and I just burst out laughing, I didn't know what else to do! I was full on hysterical, thought I might wet myself.

MissMalteser · 08/11/2018 10:34

This isn’t mine it’s dh’s but it’s the best story I have ever heard
He went to the doctor for a bum problem and doctor asked him to get up on the table so he could examine him, doctor pulled back the privacy curtain to find dh on his knees with his ass in the air doggy style 😂
Doctor kindly whipped the curtain right back again and asked him to lie on his back with his legs apart 😂😂😂
Dh was so mortified he couldn’t stop hysterically laughing which only made things more awkward, to this day I don’t know wtf he was thinking but he always makes a point to book in with a different doctor now 😂

papooshka · 08/11/2018 10:42

New job training day, one of the bosses shook my hand and leant towards me, so I assumed he was giving me a side air kiss, so I leant in for one too. Actually don't know what he was trying to do but it wasn't a kiss! Every time I saw him after that he couldn't look me in they eye and I swear he thought I was after him!

DorothyLNaySayers · 08/11/2018 11:10

"Good thinking, black man!" has just killed me off.

Mine was at a friend's funeral, where we all went to the pub afterwards. I was a bit merry and was reminiscing with another friend about funny things our friend had done.

Someone came up and introduced us to one of dead friend's brothers - I hadn't met any of his family before.

Instead of the usual "sorry for your loss", I cheerily shook his hand and gushed, "It's lovely to meet you!" as if we were at a fun social occasion, rather than his brother's funeral.

To make it worse, I then did exactly the same to his other brother ten minutes later, even though I had rehearsed the correct greeting in my head just minutes before. Mortified.

Worldweary · 08/11/2018 11:20

On a graduate trainee role years ago I carried a tray of teas and coffees into a board meeting of about 15 men. I was wearing one of those cheesecloth shirts that were so trendy in the 1970's. As I came through the door I must have caught my shirt slightly on the door handle so entered the room unwittingly carrying the heavy tray with my shirt right open, boobs and bra proudly on show. I proceeded to go round the table so each man could take his cup from the tray. I smiled serenely and was surprised by the look of shocked confusion on each man's face. I turned at the door and asked if there was anything else they wanted? (meaning mike, sugar etc.). I then looked down and saw what was on show. Earth swallow me up - now, even thinking about it all these years later.

AdamNichol · 08/11/2018 11:36

When I was a teacher, one of my VI Formers had this tale (not sure if it's true)

He was in a coffee shop and bought a coffee and a pack of biscuits. The place was quite full, so he ended up sitting at the opposite side of a small round table to a pretty muscular guy; and had to remove the last occupants debris. He opened his biscuits and took out one of the 2, placing the packet back on the table. A moment later, the guy reaches over and takes the other one. Feeling a touch intimidated, nothing is said. Coffee is finished and he leaves. Upon leaving the coffee shop, he puts his coat back on, in the pocket of which is the pack of biscuits he bought......yeah, he had just picked up someone else's pack, opened it, and helped himself.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 08/11/2018 11:47

Just saw this on Facebook and it made me think of this thread!

AdamNichol · 08/11/2018 11:47

If looks could kill...

So, I used to work at a confernece venue. Another employee there shared my dark and twisted humour; and it quickly became a bad-taste joke-off between us. Mostly without anyone else being involved.

One summer, the venue was hosting a week-long transplant olympics - sports competition for people who had undergone transplant operations. One night, we were doing the whole silver service thing. The kitchen is down a small flight of stairs and thru a door. We had cleared down, and were making our way back to the restaurant to set up for the next course. I meet my friend, and ask him the question: "I wonder how many of the liver transplant people are at the bar?". The venue had been pretty loud and full until that point. It was at that point that I became aware that they were part way into a 2 minute silence for 2 competitors who had succumbed to their illnesses during the competition. And everyone heard me.

GiantKitten · 08/11/2018 12:01

@AdamNichol

I think the biscuit story is an urban legend - I’ve heard it a few times. Still funny though Grin

GiantKitten · 08/11/2018 12:04

Aha - it actually happened to Douglas Adams (so he said) & he put it into a book Grin

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/lukelewis/this-story-by-douglas-adams-perfectly-captures-what-its-like#ampf=undefined

Nitpickpicnic · 08/11/2018 12:05

Not a school one.

Recently ended up, after a complicated series of events, at a local very rough pub. Would never normally go there, would seriously fear getting glassed for smiling. Sticky, stinky, horrible place. Anyway, found myself there by accident, with 2 other mums, waiting for a third. Got refused our first 2 drink orders, ended up with beer in grimy glasses. Sat at a table near the bar, tried to make the best of it.

Got carried away with the story I was telling (about ice-skating) and flung both arms out to illustrate.

My gracefully cupped hand made perfect contact with... testicles. Man sat on a bar seat behind me. He was straight from Central Casting- Anonymous Thug #3. Free of tooth and hygiene, VERY unimpressed scowl from ear to ear. I held his balls for two beats too long out of sheer terror. Paralysed, balls gripped.

Miraculously my friends hadn’t seen, in the dark. Neither had his. We made a solemn contract with our eyes to pretend it hadn’t happened. But there was a clear ‘you don’t belong here, don’t let me see you here again’. Excruciating.

PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 08/11/2018 12:07

More than once I have accidentally stroked my driving instructor's leg when trying to change gear Blush

Fashionista101 · 08/11/2018 12:14

I once met a colleague at another site for the first time (rival site so I already know he's not fond of me) as I was leaving we said nice to meet each other. He went to shake my hand but I had handbag in one hand and phone and keys in my right hand so I just offered my wrist and he shook it. Fml I just walked out. We don't speak much now at all.

tallulahwullah · 08/11/2018 12:23

I said good night love you to the babysitter once - this was on the way out of the house so not a drop of alcohol had touched my lips at this stage!

We just act like it never happened but I can't forget the look of bemused horror on her & my husbands face as I said it & ran out

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