Are your pets employed?

[LadyL0velyLocks]

And if so, what are their jobs? After a couple of unexpected surgeries we decided that it was high time for our sheltie to contribute to the family purse.

His first business venture was selling artisan wood chips chewed from locally foraged wood. Unfortunately this didn’t take off. He was keen to dip a paw into dog modelling but despite his luxurious coat his lack of bottom teeth really held him back. His latest foray is a late night discotheque that he operates out of the bathroom after we have gone to bed. Too soon to know how this venture is going to work out long term.

...portable heating agent. He is paid in crunchies for this when I wake up warm enough to get out of bed early specially to feed him.

I think my two are marketing themselves as some sort of hot-water-bottle-come-gravity-blanket-come-back-massager arrangement. They have been practicing at night for a little while and have nearly perfected their product (nearly as they haven't quite worked out how to do it without dribbling)

Ddog1 is a personal trainer, his main role is to prevent me from getting comfortable on the sofa by barking to be let out the very moment I sit down.

Ddog2 works for a secret terrorist organisation whose main aim is to frighten anyone who works for the post office to death, she’s not all that good because she thinks anyone who wears a red coat counts.

My DDog is the hostess with the mostest. Everyone, and I mean everyone gets a huge 'Oooh. Hello. Hello. You are NICE. I LIKE you. Do you want to see my babies (toys)? Sit down. Let us cuddle. Let me LOOK AT YOU' etc. etc. .

Mines a postman! And an occasional porter. Porter services used at your own risk, mail likewise

Chief slipper protector here. A special password is required to gain access to any footwear in Archie’s possession (or a cheeky treat will do to bribe him).

My cat is a great therapist as when I'm feeling down she comes over and squidgy me purs and sits on my lap making little meows

Full time slimming consultant. Aims to reduce all portions by at least a third by generously consuming then herself.

Part time ball girl - no tennis court required. She has difficulty getting jobs though as people think she's the wrong build for sprinting. Not sure why.

That doesn't really work without the photo (which I can't seem to upload). She's a basset hound

Mid-life crisis assistance dog
Alerts me to presence of the Bogeyman behind the curtains
Shredding service - anything considered, no job too large or small (testimonials available)

Not quite sure of the official title, but the role consists of staring up into each corner of all the rooms in the house whilst making an unholy, yowly racket. Exorcist?

Other cat is a pole dancer. Favourite move is running up the scratching post at speed, holding on with his front paws whilst kicking out with the back feet to spin back down again.

Bed tester, laundry assistant, and hand holding.

I started a part-time Masters last month and DDog has taken up a position as my research assistant. There has been a lengthy negotiation period as to seating arrangements in the workplace, however, as he feels like HE should be on my lap, not the laptop. Productivity is down and I’m rethinking the appointment

My dogs are employed in security and as food tasters (they think).

Chairdog is Protector of the Realm. Whenever there’s a thunderstorm, she sneaks into the baby’s room and lies next to her cot.

She’s also Chief Judgy Pants when I have that second glass of wine.

Hell no. Our DCat has an aristocratic title, he doesn't need to work, never has, never will. Why work when you have the servants (DH and I) to do it?

Counter espionage trainer. If I can resist those eyes no blackmailer will ever defeat me.

Entertainer - he loves to serenaded.

Home security. I think he watched Home Alone as instead of being fierce females people's hands too slobbery to be able to grip anything.

(Genuine!) Research hound. A uni near me does animal behaviour studies and he is quite prepared to receive treats for looking at stuff.

He makes*

Resident collie is an international super model (or so she would have me believe). Her talents are looking down her nose at other dogs, and flouncing. She also does a very good sulk when told she isn't allowed to go to a party at the top bar in La Rochelle...
She's currently catching up on her sideline security business, because she says every collie should keep busy, and the model business alone won't buy that yacht she wants.

One seems to think he's employed as alarm clock. he takes his responsibilities very seriously.

The oner one is moonlighting as gardener, digging especially.

My cat is a princess, and doesn't have a job. Her role is to make sure we do what she wants, including, but not limited to: opening and closing the back door, distributing treats, petting her, and making sure the heated throw is on for her to sit her royal bottom on. In return, she wakes us at 5am by clambering on us, just to make sure we know who's boss.

Rubydog tests the beds every day.
Checks they have correct covers, toys, and hopes for biscuits.

She is very beautiful, so is also hoping for a modelling job.

Her other job is shedding dog hair all over the house, needs to keep the Dyson busy!

My cat has servants - DH:- feeds her (breakfast, elevensies, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and bedtime snack); door opener, door closer, throw straightener so she can sit more comfortably, bottom wiper (with a baby wipe), litter changer, hoverer ( after litter & food spillage), head and chin tickler (never belly); punch bag when she is in a bad mood (or not fed quickly, not to her liking or he has tickled her belly). Lap provider (she likes to sit but do not touch her). Escort/bodyguard her outside (she doesn't like to be alone outside).

My dog is Lauriefairycakes body double or twin sister it’s uncanny!

DCat is a multi tasker with several jobs.

• spider and fly catcher (inside)
• mouser (outside - thankfully)
• foot warmer (at night sleeping on my feet)
• pre doorbell alerter
• temperature monitor (outside for a long time = hot, back inside within 5 minutes = cold)
• mattress comfort tester (her current work as the result of her earlier temperature testing came out as "cold".