Are your pets employed?

[LadyL0velyLocks]

And if so, what are their jobs? After a couple of unexpected surgeries we decided that it was high time for our sheltie to contribute to the family purse.

His first business venture was selling artisan wood chips chewed from locally foraged wood. Unfortunately this didn’t take off. He was keen to dip a paw into dog modelling but despite his luxurious coat his lack of bottom teeth really held him back. His latest foray is a late night discotheque that he operates out of the bathroom after we have gone to bed. Too soon to know how this venture is going to work out long term.

My cat is my Patronus - lots of cuddles from her keep the Dementors away.

Molly, the collie, is the head of production of insulation material. Primarily functional as an an alternative to carpets but also provides the birds with excellent nest lining.
It's not a laborious job.
I should bag it up and sell it as a natural loft insulation.

She's also a very dedicated pedicurist. She's utterly obsessed with licking feet.

DCat is a cat flap tester. Tries it out 50 times daily. He’s also quality controller for numerous cat food companies, taking one mouthful then rejecting the lot.
DDog runs a slimming club. He gets me up every 5 minutes and makes me throw balls incessantly. He says 2 walks daily are nowhere near enough.

My cat is a living duster, especially of cupboard tops and under furniture. The places I can't reach.

My female terrier is a bitch to work with as she is always brown nosing the manager and has been seen dry humping more senior staff

Cat litter taster - the shittier the better for WakeUpDog.

Our pup is biter in residence, specialising in our older dog’s ears.

Older dog would love a job washing dishes - he could lick anything clean.

Both act as part time models for me.

My dogs provide hair that spreads all around the house as an insulation layer.

My male cat is a supervisor. He supervises when the stables are mucked out, sitting in the eaves gazing at whoever is working. He also accompanies me and the dogs on walks but gets very irritated that we don't jump up stone walls with him when cars go past.

DDogMKI is my security guard and opens the post to check for letter bombs and anthrax, I have told her this isn't really necessary as I am no longer wanted by the Russian government but I don't think she believes me. She has a second job which is Chief Child Scarer, and hurls herself at the door when DD's friends come knocking. She is good at that job.

DDogMKII is making a killing in her job as a clown and expects to retire early and move to a smallholding in the countryside.

My dog is fully employed. It doesn't pay much/any thing. But it's full time stalking the food that may/may not be left on my plate. She has to be constantly vigilant, just in case. She's so self sacrificing. It doesn't matter if she's just eaten, and isn't the slightest bit hungry. If I'm eating, she has to keep watch, just in case. She always go that one that one stepe further too. If nothing is left on my plate, she thoroughly checks the kitchen and dining room floor. Because you can never be too thorough. An ideal employee, is d highly recommend her

My horse knows he is king. You won't convince him otherwise. His needs are most important.

Yes, she's sprinkling her magic fairy dust around the earth to make it a better place

My puppy is chief furniture tester. He makes sure all furniture is comfortable and chew-proof. He's very good at his job.

My male cat is chief surveyor, a keen bird watcher and champion head rubber. The kitten is head of the purring division and likes to compete with the puppy for the position of head of cuddles.

When inside the dual purpose dog is a hoover and foot warmer. Outside he is a killer of rodents and chaser of shadows. And as of today he can add rabbit killer to his list of achievements.

SheepAreSuper I recently met another sheltie owner who told me that her family had a jumper made from their dogs hair seven times warmer than wool apparently!

My Hector is in charge of folding the clean washing.

Piper is Purremier League footballer with a side line as a wine tasting expert.

Edie is paparazzi phobia supermodel

In real life Piper is a living, breathing, fluffy hot water bottle and Edie is a furry liability!

This thread is making me think it is high time my 9 month old kittens got jobs.

I'm not sure they'd be very good at sticking to any rules but they can both type having sent colleagues emails before when walking across my laptop. They make sure telephone conferences run to time by biting through my headphones when it all gets too tiresome.

And yes, the username is a massive clue!

DCat1 is our Health Care Professional. He has a knack of knowing when you're poorly and just sitting with you, night and day. Occasionally he wakes you up to do obs, and has been practising heart massage (obviously not in the right place whilst practising). He also contributes to the household food (usually mice or birds, but a potato once made a nice change).

DCat2 is on a Mousing Traineeship, he's at the early stages of pouncing on very still leaves, whilst still working on his key English skills. Considering he doesn't recognise his name after 6 years it's the best we can hope for for him.

Keeper of the human. Has to gaze adoringly at human 24/7. Watch her go to sleep. Look concerned if she sneezes and shout for help if she gets in the big sink of water
Must keep human warm so sit on her at all times and never be more than 10ft away

DDog1 is footwarmer in chief , and Keeper of the Blanket . DCat is the Nghtwatchcat extraordinaire. The moment any child so much as whimpers overnight , he feels the need to launch himself onto my head to let me know .

ClapTrapCat is an opera singer and yodeller. She does night shifts a lot.

Boy cat is an under floor heating surveyor, or at least that's what I'm assuming he does under the floorboards all day.

Girl cat is a trainee locksmith, she can get through any handle door and I has almost cracked door knobs as well.

Kitten has 2 jobs. During the day he works full time at the poison control centre, he's currently running a full analysis on naan bread. Dry cornflakes are repeat offenders and most likely to be contaminated. He also works part time at night as a freelance