How often do you get a child free night?

[bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox]

My DH and I have one DC, a 2yo. If you are or have been in roughly the same boat, how often do/did they stay out overnight so you could have a night off to go out as a couple etc? Just trying to settle a dispute with my DH...

I know there are a lot of different variables, but for info, our DD is at one set of DGPs for two working days as childcare, and at the other set of DGPs for 5/6 hours another day already.

Have a 9 month old and 14 year old, roughly once per month. My mother and father in law love having them and often ask to take them. Different dads and with my first my parents took him regularly too. Its not always to let us do things. Mostly just because they want the kids over

We have previously paid for dinner, B&B in a nice local hotel, for dd and Sil, as a birthday present for dd, while dh and I babysat 1st v little Gdc..

There are now 2 toddlers, not good sleepers, endlessly disturbed nights, so I recently offered the same as a birthday present for SiL.

However I've been told thanks very much, but there's something they really want for the house instead. I had thought they'd bite my hand off!

That’s lovely that you offered @GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER but I can understand them sayin no. I didn’t like to leave my children until their sleeping was better.

Never happened. Eldest is 9.

Four times. DS is 4. It’s enough!

Together DH and I have only ever left the kids for one night (they’re 4 and 6). It was a disaster because at the time DD was a toddler and woke in the night. When she realised I wasn’t there she had a huge tantrum, I felt terrible for everyone and involved! And my parents have never babysat for us again. But we’re having two nights away next week with my in laws babysitting and DD is older and MIL is pretty good with them. Part of me cannot wait but another part is nervous already! DS will be fine but DD can be difficult sometimes.

We’ve had lots of nights away separately though.

@bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox

It sounds like the time your daughter is away at her grandparents is during the day though? When you're both at work?

If we had that many willing grandparents nearby then we'd go out on dates twice a month. We have the willing grandparents part, just not nearby unfortunately.

It's really important for a couple to have time alone together and also to be able to express their needs without their partner laughing in their face. It sounds like you've been rather unkind to your husband when he was expressing what he needed.

About twice a year from around 2.5. From aged about 3, DD1 would spend 2 or 3 consecutive nights a year with my mum and dad. She loved it.
Each child and family is different.

I used to worry about the fact that DS was a terrible sleeper and is up with the larks but my MIL made a wonderful point....she doesn't mind one night of unbroken sleep. She can cope and catch up the next night but we're dealing with it every night so was happy to give us a break.

I see what you mean, thesearms but we do overnights now and then anyway, when dd/SiL have to be away for work - they have no problem with us taking over at all.

God I don't realise how lucky I am. I have one 4yo and my mums obsessed with him so picks him up from school every Friday night and we collect him Saturday lunch time :) my mum is a fucking ledgend tbf

We are lucky that my mum has the older 2 (4&6) dc over nights and co sleep s with them even tho ds1 doesn’t go to bed till 10pm and ds2 is often awake 2 hours during the night chatting . She also says she can catch up the next day whereas I can’t.

She will happily take dd (2) when she sleeps better and comes off the boob but that’s not proving easy to achieve (last night she was up 2-5.30am).

I’d feel too guilty inflicting all 3 on someone.

Not once in the first two years - no relatives nearby never mind grandparents - and then rarely from the age of two until DD was old enough to go for sleepovers. DD has never stayed with gps without us there - to be fair, even if they had been nearby they would have been too old to have her anyway.

Never. Children are 13 and 9.

Childfree eve about once a fortnight.

Several weekends once a year (cub camps mostly).

Full week once a year (courtesy of wonderful grandparents).

I appreciate I am very lucky and I feel this has kept me sane, helped my marriage and helped me keep sight of who I am outside of 'mummy'.

I consider us very lucky. DSs are 6 and 2 and stay overnight with either DM or DPIL about twice each a year (so three times in total so far this year). We pay a babysitter about once a month (usually work dos for DH). Both sets of parents are 2 hours away though...if they were closer I suspect it’d be more often!

Can I ask those of you who would like more child free nights if you would consider using a babysitter if you could afford to do so?

Can I ask those of you who would like more child free nights if you would consider using a babysitter if you could afford to do so?

Don't you think they would if they could ? It's not exactly cheap, particularly if you have a child with SEN or a medical condition. I'm pretty sure no one goes without some overnight date night for years and years out of pleasure .

Between an asd child that doesn't go to sleep, a 6yr old who still oftens climbs into our bed and the fights that ensue every morning at the breakfast table I am not sure there is anyone I hate enough could ask to do that.

Don'tall I'm not sure- that's why I asked the question. I totally agree that for some the cost of a babysitter will be prohibitive (hence my caveat "if you could afford it").

I'm not sure if some people don't feel comfortable using babysitters for other reasons. That's their decision of course, I was just interested.

The odd child feee night keeps me sane. DH and I have paid babysitters before and we are lucky that we can afford to do so. We have on occasion paid a sitter but made sure the rest of the night incurred no cost. We've also set up reciprocal arrangements with other parents we know so there is no cost.

This wouldn't work for some people, I realise that.

For some it sounds like a hardship to be with their children. For me, I honestly don’t want anyone else looking after them whilst I can do it myself.

Should add, when they are older and want sleepovers with friends etc then we will enjoy some nights to ourselves then. Happy to wait ☺️

People are entitled to want time away from their DC without them seeing it as a ‘hardship’ to spend time with them. I adore my children. I am a SAHM to spend a lot of time with them. I still want a child free evening out every now and then, so I use a babysitter.

Before my mum became ill and passed away fairly often (ds was 6 when she died - he’s now 12). Now rarely as it’s hard work with ils. He does go on sleepover etc now so we have some nights on own.

Child free nights happen reasonably often, we save them for big occasions really, friends 40th etc.

My parents are happy to have my DC if they are free, but we don't milk it as DC isn't massively keen now, they know we are doing something special without them so play up a bit.

They also take my DC and her cousin away for a few days in the summer , and there are very rare sleepovers at friends houses.

If just one of us wants to go out then it isn't a problem at all; we have both been away separately for weekends with friends recently .