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Original poster

I think I've just been fired

433 replies

CinnamonVanilla · 17/10/2018 17:05

Boss found out that I applied for a job with our parent company. Supposed to be anonymous; but I'd have said when it was appropriate. Our HR director beat me to it; in front of a lot of people, apparently.

He took me into a room to say that it was humiliating; and means he no longer trusts me, so how do we move forward. He said my work is excellent but this is a big issue.

He's given me some time to think. Presumably he's expecting my notice this evening. I've been here just under two years so there's nothing I can do.

This has made my anxiety rocket and I don't know want to do.

OP posts:
cafcesque · 19/10/2018 12:34

Hi OP
I've been on the bosses end of this situatuon. One of my team applied for a role with another department and didn't tell me. I found out as it had been discussed at a management meeting and a joke had been made (nobody wants to work in x dept ha ha ha) someone else told me. I was disappointed as I thought I'd had good relationship with both my team member and the director of the other department (ie I have open conversations about career development and what options are available, promotion, internal or external moves). In the end neither told me so I asked them directly but In a nice way.
Another member of my team.moved recently and approached me first so we could have an open discussion about what his options were and if it was a good move for him. (it was and he's moved)
I'm just saying that your boss may have felt humiliated if HR presented it as common knowledge in front of others. On the other hand he maybe just an arse.
I suggest you are up front with him. The new role presented an interesting opportunity you wanted to find out more as these chances don't come up often. You would have told him if it got to the point of being offered an interview. Try and think of positives for him e.g. would you be able to sell your old team and boss to head office and raise their profile. Butter up his ego even if it's total BS. Good luck.

DarlingNikita · 19/10/2018 13:00

I'm just saying that your boss may have felt humiliated if HR presented it as common knowledge in front of others

That's not a good reason to take it out on the OP though. Highly unprofessional.

MulticolourMophead · 19/10/2018 13:32

He is being utterly ridiculous. There is nothing to prevent anyone applying for another job anywhere, at any time. You need to be completely bright and breezy about this: I saw an opportunity and applied for it, it's unfortunate HR breached my confidentiality over the application but I'm willing to overlook that. In terms of where we go from here, we go forward dear boss, of course we do. Now what was your thinking on project a/b/c?

I agree with this. Him being cold is him taking it personally, and also a little bit of trying to put you on the back foot. The above idea ignores his coldness and turns it around.

And yes, quietly look for another job. If this boss can react this way, then working for him long term might prove a problem.

kaytee87 · 19/10/2018 13:39

Do not hand in your notice!
Ask for a meeting with HR and ask them to investigate this data breach immediately. Tell them it's made things awkward for you and they will need to advise the best way forward.
In your meeting with your boss, remain professional and explain you thought the other job might be a move upwards and it doesn't mean you're not enjoying your current role. Don't get drawn into discussion about it as frankly it's none of his business.

longwayoff · 19/10/2018 13:47

DONT RESIGN! Outrageous breach of your privacy by HR and as for your manager ...frankly I'd be up for dismissing the pair of them. Take advice and hang in there.

longwayoff · 19/10/2018 14:05

Dont commit yourself to 'overlooking' the data breach. You may need it later to bargain with.

Original poster
CinnamonVanilla · 19/10/2018 14:11

Okay; I'm feeling a bit stronger now. Thank you all! I will approach it as you all suggest.

Quick question - my manager is (and has always been) a face to face person. I'm more of an emailer by nature. I have previously worked hard to talk to him in person rather than email as I know he strongly prefers that; but I'm feeling quite anxious at the moment. I've got a doctors appointment later and they've said they can probably medicate me again short term to get through this; but if they can't, would it be unreasonable to take my thoughts written down for him to read?

I hate this. I'd been off anxiety meds for three years 

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/10/2018 14:16

You have done nothing wrong so don't resign. You could take some notes, of the points you wish to make but tbh the issue is his not yours. His attitude will pass in time, something else will take his attention.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/10/2018 14:24

I think they want to keep you but need you to say what you need to feel more fullfillled in your role.

Your direct manager is most likely feeling that he isn’t making best use of you. Having an employee frustrated means he might loose you. He might have some ideas about how your role could be more fulfilling. Personally I’d have a good chat to him. Tell him all the bits you enjoy and what bits you’d like to develop further and how.

What were the main differences between your present role and the one you applied for? Why did you apply for the new role?

DawgLover · 19/10/2018 14:25

Absolutely, take some time to write down what you'd like to do in terms of progression, challenges and support he can provide to get you there and take it along. If nothing else it shows you have thought and prepared.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/10/2018 14:25

Take facts as bullet points. Parts you enjoy in the job. Areas you’d like to develop. Ask for their opinions. What do they see as your strengths

redwineandcrisps · 19/10/2018 14:30

I would do as above, write out a bullet point document for you to use as a basis for your face to face chat. It sounds rubbish, I’m sorry Flowers

starfishmummy · 19/10/2018 14:36

No!! Do not write something down to hand to your boss to read. Make some notes - for YOU to look at only. If he gets hold of something written then maybe he could use it against you.

Are you in a union? Seek advice from them. Maybe take a rep into meetings?

kaytee87 · 19/10/2018 14:42

Don't give him anything in writing. Do HR know that you suffer from anxiety?

EmeraldVillage · 19/10/2018 14:55

Honestly if you can bear it I really would just try plough through the meeting with the manager and not think about meds for it. The thought of it will be worse than the reality and I would just get it over with. You know he strongly prefers face to face and so is likely to see you as hiding behind email if you go that route.

EmeraldVillage · 19/10/2018 14:59

I would also add that perception in management can be very important. He may genuinely feel humiliated by how he found out or that his standing may have been damaged by your actions. Yes of course he shouldn’t try and punish you but management layers are often very political and in my experience what happened wouldn’t reflect well on a manager so he may be smarting from that. But not to understand that may miss an important part of the jigsaw here.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/10/2018 15:06

Yes definitely write it down.
Ask him to read it.

Don't let him bully you.
You saw an internal vacancy and it looked really interesting.
You kinda knew you wouldn't get it (even if you think you would) and just wanted to see how it all went before you spoke to him about it.
You like your job and you like him and would like things to remain as is, but with some thought from him on how you will progress in the next 12 months.

Well done OP.
It's hard but try not to worry.
Get it all on paper as quickly as possible so you don't procrastinate.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 19/10/2018 15:26

Use notes to help you, but don't give him notes to read.

Meant kindly, you should be able to handle a face to face meeting with your manager - you're kind of giving him a stick to beat you with if you show that you can't, especially if your job competencies have anything on negotiation, influencing, handling difficult people or situations. Fine, use the supports you need for you but as far as he's concerned, it's important he perceives you can handle yourself and this situation.

iMatter · 19/10/2018 19:58

Don't resign

You are being bullied. There's a lot of nasty underhand behaviour going on.

Nasty bastards.

Stay wrong 

Volant · 19/10/2018 22:04

I think you need to approach the meeting in a completely businesslike way, and on the basis that there is really very little discuss: where you go from here is that you will carry on doing your job in the same excellent manner he has said he was happy with previously. I really think your manager is being quite childish about this, and that you need to present the whole thing as no big deal. Point out that it's perfectly reasonable to want to develop your career, people apply for new jobs every day of the week and that no-one else treats it as either a resigning or sacking offence.

gobbin · 19/10/2018 22:28

Flatter your manager

Why, is she trying to date him? Hello, 2018 is calling!

OP be upbeat and positive about wanting to progress. The discussion should centre around the skillset your current job is allowing you to develop and you are pleased that your work is judged to be excellent as a result. If challenged on the application then point out that you are always looking for fresh challenges. What else might he have to offer workwise?

Original poster
CinnamonVanilla · 22/10/2018 10:02

I'm at work. Another manager has already warned me to go home before the meeting; and told me not to sacrifice my health. Little weird!

My manager is still sat next to me; he's being very cold today. I'm in pretty much back to back meetings until my meeting with him.

I'm going to try and keep the anxiety to myself; take all your advice on how to turn this around so that it could be a good thing, not resign and hope I'm not sacked.

I feel sick to my stomach and I've been awake every hour worrying. My mind is doing overdrive.

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonVanilla · 22/10/2018 11:57

He's rescheduled for 11am tomorrow; with no real reason.

I'm a wreck.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/10/2018 12:03

Stay calm.

Remind me how far away you are from hitting 2 years?

Volant · 22/10/2018 12:03

I know it's easy to say, but you are really playing into his hands by allowing him to get to you like this. You need to keep reminding yourself that you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and play it on the basis that you really don't know what the fuss is about.

If you were a few days away from two years' service last week, have you clocked up the two years now? In any event I suspect notice and leave will take you over the two years in any event, so remember that their hands are likely to be tied in terms of what they can do.

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