I think I've just been fired

[CinnamonVanilla]

Boss found out that I applied for a job with our parent company. Supposed to be anonymous; but I'd have said when it was appropriate. Our HR director beat me to it; in front of a lot of people, apparently.

He took me into a room to say that it was humiliating; and means he no longer trusts me, so how do we move forward. He said my work is excellent but this is a big issue.

He's given me some time to think. Presumably he's expecting my notice this evening. I've been here just under two years so there's nothing I can do.

This has made my anxiety rocket and I don't know want to do.

*harrasing.

You poor thing. Yes get signed off. Keep a record of your bosses messages as well. I'd be talking to ACAS with a view to putting in a grievance when you are feeling stronger.

Agree - get signed off and turn off work phone and laptop.

Get signed off if you can OP, and prioritise your health. You can battle this after sick leave

Thank you all

Manager hasn't left me alone yet; he's trying to arrange a performance review via text now. Bit odd...

ACAS have advised that I can raise a grievance in my absence; or that I can start early conciliation now; or leave it until I go back. I couldn't afford to be off for as long as my psychiatrist thinks I need to get fully better.

I don't know what is best.

cinnamon I am appalled at the way your manager has behaved.

If I were you I would not make any decisions now, not while your mental health is fragile.

Like a pp said turn off laptop/phone and have no contact at all with your manager. You need time and space to get well and once you're feeling stronger you can make the decision that's right for you

Forgot as well for you

@CinnamonVanilla, he's bullying you plain & simple. Go off for a couple of weeks. Get some space. Be constructive. We'll all be here to chivvy you along. Collective hive mind of Mumsnet at it's best.

Compile a dossier of his tactics. Collect messages. Make a timeline. Speak to ACAS and put it down on record. Speak and construct a timeline too of communications with HR. Treat this like a military strategy.

Also, suggest you Google 'The Art of War' quotes by Sun Tzu. You're wearing yourself out by trying to deal with this moron on his level. Learn a more rational way of dealing with him. Recently my daughter had a very traumatic experience on a course she's got to do. Progress to the next level also meant it was mandatory to attend a residential 2 day (shut off from all outside communication) event. This was after her traumatic experience. There was a 'no prisoners' attitude from the tutors supervising the course. She was in tatters. I tried to help her help herself. I'd read this book several years ago and something came into my mind. She's now using this book as part of her personal mental health development. It's not about confrontation in the way we in the west comprehend it.

She is very fragile mentally. But she's a fighter. She takes control. Her residential course went well for her. She adopted some strategies from Sun Tzu. HTH.

This is horrendous! Can you make sure your GP puts "stress at work" on your med cert? If your employer is anything like mine this requires an immediate referral to occupational health and let's them know how this treatment is affecting you.
Take care and look after yourself.

As I understand all this, you have been working happily and successfully for 2 years, with no problem. You apply for another job within the same company; your manager finds out about this, and is now making your life hell, threatening you with 'finding something' to enable performance management, reducing your job and department for no other reason than he feels you have personally attacked him for applying for career advancement. He has demanded meetings with you, then cancelled with little notice. With one such meeting, which he cancelled, he spent the time sitting next you making you feel uncomfortable.

His actions have had a detrimental affect on your mental health.

OP, Only you know what you have said to HR; I would like to think you have made all the above points to them, and more. They have a duty of care to you as an employee, they cannot allow your manager's behavior to go unchecked, it is workplace bullying, and HR should be supporting you. Raise a grievance, go off sick (it is more evidence); do not accept that you have to meet with the manger unless it is facilitated by someone else.

Good luck OP, I really hope this works out for you, DH was subjected to work place bullying; being targeted by someone senior to you is horrendous as you can feel so alone, DH was able to use the fact he was referred to a psychiatrist because of his being targeted as evidence.

You poor thing, get yourself better first, that's the main thing. What an awful situation to have to work in :(

My GP put in an urgent referral for a psychiatrist for me yesterday; back to the same team instead of the emergency team (who is a different person each time).

They've just called and said they'll authorise my GP to medicate me but it'll be 4 - 6 months until I can be referred back to community mental health care and in the meantime I need to call the crisis line if I feel suicidal. I feel a bit abandoned.

Have turned off my work phone and email today. My boss messaged last night that he hoped I'd be back today at the latest so he'll blow his top if I'm not back tomorrow... and I don't have a sick note yet because the GP thinks I need psychiatric support so don't want to see me really.

Just letting you know I'm keeping up with the situation.

Not qualified to comment on recent developments. Hope someone who is comes along shortly.

Thanks Yoksha - I've downloaded the Art of War; but my attention span is bad so I haven't really got into it yet.

Manager has contacted a friend of mine who works at the same place (it's a fairly big company) and asked what's wrong with me and if I'm okay. I think she made a vague reference to me being exhausted and struggling after the tough times; to which he said that he wasn't trying to get rid of me but felt we needed a discussion. She sent me a message to let me know but also told me not to stress.

If a psychiatrist isn't going to see me for six months; I'll probably have completely broken down by then. I'm only entitled to a months' pay from work and I couldn't survive without a job; I don't think. Benefits wouldn't really touch my living costs around here.

I'm torn between contacting HR and asking for a copy of the performance review he wants to run me through; my new job description and an occupational health assessment, whilst they run the grievance; or talking to ACAS.

I am on the floor with how hard this is. No appetite; I'm tired, my moods are spiralling and I cry whenever I'm by myself. I feel very needy and sad and scared. I've checked how secure the room I am in is about eight times so far since midday.

Hi,

The book in its entirety is difficult.
There's a site that highlights the various bite size quotes.
Google the book title and tag on quotes. Its easier.
Sorry I can't do the link.

Your manager is a total arse. He should not be harassing you while you are sick. Document all contact and coward to HR asking them to get him to desist!!

I agree with Wips, he's behaving unacceptably.

His behaviour is unacceptable. He's breaking so many rules (formal or informal) with his behaviour.

I think HR are keen for you to file a grievance as they know that he's a difficult character and they need ammunition to deal with it.

I think you need to file a grievance to find a way forward - write down absolutely everything, his over reactions, his bullying and the fact that this has caused a major setback in your mental health. You may be able to get Acas/Union or similar to help you do this.

Hang on in there.

My heart is breaking for you.

I've got no advice - I'm enduring harassment and bullying and I've never been so unhappy. Having gone through all the grievance process HR are still doing nothing - despite my grievances being upheld. It is destroying my faith in people.

In my experience HR are there to protect the company - not the employee.

I'm so sorry you are going through this

Hugely inappropriate for him to involve your friend. You really need to make an official complaint to hr about how he is overstepping boundaries and harassing you. Agree that this may not be the first concern raised about his behaviour.

@CinnmonVanilla. Good morning. Private Yoksha checking in for progress.
Looks like pp's ^^ are in unison regarding your manager's dickishness.
Take comfort that there's more for you than there is for him.
You need to believe this, and he doesn't even come close to being aware of just how dangerous a path he is treading.
Anyway, hope you're feeling stronger today.

This is dreadful, absolutely shocking!!

Don't be fooled by the nice 'HR lady'^^

HR are the ones who got you into this mess on the first place with breaching confidence with your application.

You need to submit a grievance right now. All you have to do is compile an email to HR title 'Grievance' and copy in your manager, you can do this from home.

They then have to set wheels in motion in line with their own grievance policy. Get your notes all in order and diarise everything.

Your grievance is essentially breach of data protection resulting in bullying behaviour which has directly impacted on your pre-existing disability (may be a breach of the equality Act)

Trust no one, they are absolutely trying to manage you out. You do not need to go for conciliatory meetings with your manager before grievance, you can go straight to grievance and given the circumstances that is entirely what you should do.

Forget the expensive lawyer for now, get ACAS on board.

Best wishes to you.

Please contact HR. This is crazy.

Ugh, she has.

They refer her back to dickhead manage for reconciliation talks.

He won't advise how to win here - HR should only be used now as a contact to submit her grievance.

It's all procedural. Start the procedure, you've been harmed at work and are at great risk of resigning while mentally unwell and being left with no reference of any value.

Never underestimate the damage that causes when you try to apply for other jobs. Reference request asks for reason for leaving, sick record and would they employ you again.

If you resign you essentially are making yourself unemployable.
You must follow procedures to protect yourself.

As you have an ongoing mental health condition you are legally classed as having a disability and protected against discrimination and harassment under the 2010 equality act, your employer is currently harassing and discriminating you!

As part of your disability they should put in place reasonable adjustments so that you are not disavantaged when compared with people who don’t have a disability. If your manager thinks you’re underperforming in the first instance HR should assess your needs and make resasonsble adjustments, such as flexible working, working from home or other adjustments to not put you at a disadvantage.

Your manager is also harassing you and you are protected against this as part of the act.

As you disclosed your mental health issue your employer has a duty of care, and your as part of your fit note which you will be able to get from your GP when you are due back at work they could put something like fit for work with x adjustments being made.

Your employer on return to work should put you on a phase return to help your transition back to work, they will also expect you to keep in touch with them whilst you are off sick as they have a duty of care, this could be a weekly call usually.

Your manager isn’t treating you fairly and is harrassing and discriminating against you, he should not be asking your work colleagues why you are off sick as it’s a breach of confidentiality. You can self certify for 7 days then you can get a fit note from your GP you don’t need to see your mental health team to get one. Your manager could also ask you to get a Gp letter if he won’t accept the 7 day self certification they’re in the rights to do this but there is a cost from your GP for a letter. They also may want written confirmation of your mental health and that it’s an ongoing issue, your GP can provide this but they charge for letters.

Please go down the equality act and disability discrimination route.

www.gov.uk/rights-disabled-person/employment

www.scope.org.uk/disabled-people/work/discrimination?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoNGkzcvT3gIVTbXtCh0rpgwCEAAYASAAEgKntfD_BwE

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/caring-carers-and-long-term-conditions/when-do-i-need-a-fit-note/