Can we talk about the f word

[HighlandWorrier]

As in fart?! After 16 years together I am no longer mortified when I have to pass wind around him but DH always passes a snide comment, like he never does it As a good Scottish saying goes "where ever you may be let your wind blow free!"
I know it's not supposed to be ladylike and I would be mortified in public but come on fellow mumsnetters admit it do you let rip in front of your other halves too or disappear off somewhere private?

[RedDrink]

I agree with ShirleyPhallus, Pixiegirl76, and others. I was raised to have good manners, which includes not passing wind in front of others if it can be helped.

I'm lactose intolerant as well and have had other digestive problems so I don't consider that an excuse for bad manners either.

Each to their own though.

[dinkydonky]

I am always amazed at people who can fart (or burp) at will.

I don't do either often tbf but I don't really have much choice if I do, it just happens!

[Juells]

What the heck are farters eating to produce so much wind? If I eat a lot of courgettes or parsnips or beans I get a bit farty, but otherwise no. If I had smelly farts all the time I'd wonder what was wrong with my gut.

[DoYouWantABourbon]

On farting threads it's noticeable that the pro farting in front of others lobby are always much ruder than the anti farting in front of others lobby. I suppose that's only to be expected.......

And it's always the 'anti-farters' who come out with things like "unladylike".

[BertrandRussell]

"And it's always the 'anti-farters' who come out with things like "unladylike""

Well, one did!

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Dontcallmecharlotte Fart Tennis - We never play that in our house either . Game, set, match!

Whatever you do, whenever there are gases in the atmosphere as a result of competitive gluteal eructation, DO NOT LIGHT A MATCH!!!!

[SheWhoDaresGins2]

This threadis funny.

As a side note WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll is the best user name I have seen on here in a while, that song will never be sung correctly again

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

It's a vile, disgusting thing for any lady worthy of the nomenclature to even consider doing, but just in case the worst should ever happen in public, you must have your DH trained well in advance to boldly step up and spare you your rightly-deserved abject shame. Here's a short training manual - HTH.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Why, thank you, SheWhoDaresGins2

[Whisky2014]

I fart ON him. Then I smile. :)

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I do trust that all of the PPs expressing extreme revulsion at the very thought of 'evacuating an unwelcome tenant' in front of their significant others would never do anything even more personal in their presence, such as participating in conjugal unpleasantness.

Apart from such a foul act being a sure means of exposing your intimate character and presenting a way to express your true relaxed self in a far more intense, vulnerable manner all in and of itself, it isn't unknown for nether air to escape involuntarily during said disgusting congress - of not just one possible variety, but two!

Seriously, nobody is suggesting that you should whip off your pants, sit astride your struggling, screaming partner's nose and mercilessly 'release the hounds' as you shout "Now cop a mighty whiff of that!!!" until it's streaming eyes, gasping for breath, call 999 and Goodnight Vienna. But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

evacuating an unwelcome tenant

'Evicting', I meant, but evacuating does suggest a more compassionate bilateral compromise agreement.

[BertrandRussell]

"But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!"
Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Obviously I never fart, ever - but it is remarkable how often I'm sitting next to a flatulent and highly noxious dog . . .

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

"But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!"
Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not?

Fair enough if you're cursed with perpetually horrendous stinkers (or if you sense that a particularly significant one is on its way), but the vast majority of most people's everyday farts aren't really that big a deal, are they?

[SheWhoDaresGins2]

Release the hounds 🤣🤣🤣

[heidithebogey2]

Would you do it in a supermarket?

Yes. Next stupid question.

[ArchbishopOfBanterbury]

I never used to - the occasional, reliably silent one. For anything else, I'd have left the room.

Though our 10 year relationship, this plan has worked flawlessly. However, I'm now 4 months pregnant and there is no trusting this body. I don't get any warning now and poor DH has been subjected to some awful ones.

[Whisky2014]

Omg Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not? ...is he so precious?

Sometimes I fart and my fiance looks at me and asks "do you need to check your pants?*

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

I have to admit I was just treading on a duck

Never heard this expression before - but now I will use it every time!

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Do you say farts or trumps to your DC?

"Pump" - "fart" is considered rather crude. But I think "pump" may be NE only.

"Trump" is also acceptable, as is "fluff".

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

other nationalities (and yes, there are at least some possible Scots on the thread) don't find them as hilarious.

German humour is incredibly scatological.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

DH used to massage my tummy in bed to get rid of the trapped wind grin. God knows what the neighbours thought of all the moaning and groaning and sighing with relief I did.

Especially if you were also rattling them out like machine-gun fire on the Somme.

[BertrandRussell]

Funny, isn't it- I try very hard not to fart in front of people, but I think pump and trump and all the other euphemisms are more offensive than the actual thing!

[Alicatz66]

Some of my daughters friends at work are Jamaican ... " Let your poot be free, wherever you be, cos that was the death of poor Mary Lee" ... it's bad to hold them in !!