Can we talk about the f word

[HighlandWorrier]

As in fart?! After 16 years together I am no longer mortified when I have to pass wind around him but DH always passes a snide comment, like he never does it As a good Scottish saying goes "where ever you may be let your wind blow free!"
I know it's not supposed to be ladylike and I would be mortified in public but come on fellow mumsnetters admit it do you let rip in front of your other halves too or disappear off somewhere private?

[SchadenfreudeUndeadified]

Perhaps they were Bertrand.

[KisstheTeapot14]

Yep, that sums it up Fartacus. We are all human, and all of us get wind. Some more than others but hey.

A friend of mine tells of being in the loo and an uncle affectionately enquiring from outside the door after a noisy one - 'Lady Trumpington I presume?' Always makes me smile that.

[MyNameIsFartacus]

Check out my username - I work on a bladder/bowel ward and believe me after working there ALL embarrassment over farting disappears, indeed we celebrate farts as a good thing! I have a good friend who works there also and when we meet outside of work we fart in front of one another, seriously WHO CARES, it's an essential healthy bodily function!

[BertrandRussell]

Schadenfreude-presumably any of the scenarios you present would have immediately been followed by apologies?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Farting in someone's face is a very clear message, I'd have thought. I bet it was part of an ongoing pattern of abuse

Not necessarily - perhaps the farter really couldn't keep it in, and was up a ladder; perhaps the "fartee" is an offender himself and everyone was sick of his behaviour; perhaps there faster bent over and accidentally poked one out just as the fartee was bending down near him/her - there are many ways this could have happened accidentally.

Certainly if it had happened to me I would have certainly complained/ commented to the offender, would only have taken it to HR/management if I KNEW it was deliberate.

I doubt I'd be trying to sue.

[Juells]

Haha SheWho, some people will try anything for a quick buck

I don't understand what you mean. Farting in someone's face is a very clear message, I'd have thought. I bet it was part of an ongoing pattern of abuse.

[SheWhoDaresGins2]

[HighlandWorrier]

Haha SheWho, some people will try anything for a quick buck

[SheWhoDaresGins2]

Popped up on my fone this morning

[Alicatz66]

Some of my daughters friends at work are Jamaican ... " Let your poot be free, wherever you be, cos that was the death of poor Mary Lee" ... it's bad to hold them in !! 

[BertrandRussell]

Funny, isn't it- I try very hard not to fart in front of people, but I think pump and trump and all the other euphemisms are more offensive than the actual thing!

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

DH used to massage my tummy in bed to get rid of the trapped wind grin. God knows what the neighbours thought of all the moaning and groaning and sighing with relief I did.

Especially if you were also rattling them out like machine-gun fire on the Somme.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

other nationalities (and yes, there are at least some possible Scots on the thread) don't find them as hilarious.

German humour is incredibly scatological.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Do you say farts or trumps to your DC?

"Pump" - "fart" is considered rather crude. But I think "pump" may be NE only.

"Trump" is also acceptable, as is "fluff".

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

I have to admit I was just treading on a duck

Never heard this expression before - but now I will use it every time!

[Whisky2014]

Omg Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not? ...is he so precious?

Sometimes I fart and my fiance looks at me and asks "do you need to check your pants?*

[ArchbishopOfBanterbury]

I never used to - the occasional, reliably silent one. For anything else, I'd have left the room.

Though our 10 year relationship, this plan has worked flawlessly. However, I'm now 4 months pregnant and there is no trusting this body. I don't get any warning now and poor DH has been subjected to some awful ones.

[heidithebogey2]

Would you do it in a supermarket?

Yes. Next stupid question.

[SheWhoDaresGins2]

Release the hounds 🤣🤣🤣

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

"But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!"
Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not?

Fair enough if you're cursed with perpetually horrendous stinkers (or if you sense that a particularly significant one is on its way), but the vast majority of most people's everyday farts aren't really that big a deal, are they?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Obviously I never fart, ever - but it is remarkable how often I'm sitting next to a flatulent and highly noxious dog . . .

[BertrandRussell]

"But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!"
Because it smells horrible, and why would I do something that makes his life even a little bit more unpleasant than it has to be if I can easily not?

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

evacuating an unwelcome tenant

'Evicting', I meant, but evacuating does suggest a more compassionate bilateral compromise agreement.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I do trust that all of the PPs expressing extreme revulsion at the very thought of 'evacuating an unwelcome tenant' in front of their significant others would never do anything even more personal in their presence, such as participating in conjugal unpleasantness.

Apart from such a foul act being a sure means of exposing your intimate character and presenting a way to express your true relaxed self in a far more intense, vulnerable manner all in and of itself, it isn't unknown for nether air to escape involuntarily during said disgusting congress - of not just one possible variety, but two!

Seriously, nobody is suggesting that you should whip off your pants, sit astride your struggling, screaming partner's nose and mercilessly 'release the hounds' as you shout "Now cop a mighty whiff of that!!!" until it's streaming eyes, gasping for breath, call 999 and Goodnight Vienna. But surely, if this is your special life partner, why on earth would you feel the need to run off to the bathroom every time you need a little toot?!

[Whisky2014]

I fart ON him. Then I smile. :)