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Original poster

Can we talk about the f word

134 replies

HighlandWorrier · 16/10/2018 18:52

As in fart?! After 16 years together I am no longer mortified when I have to pass wind around him but DH always passes a snide comment, like he never does it As a good Scottish saying goes "where ever you may be let your wind blow free!"
I know it's not supposed to be ladylike and I would be mortified in public but come on fellow mumsnetters admit it do you let rip in front of your other halves too or disappear off somewhere private?

OP posts:

GBroGal · 17/10/2018 13:27

My DH's Mum died and we were getting ready for the funeral. A florist called at the front door to deliver a wreath - just as she was handing over the wreath and we were both being very solemn about it all, DH, who was in the kitchen at the back of the house, let a really long, loud fart. Florist and I just fell about laughing.

L0kiWh0 · 17/10/2018 13:29

I used to do the coy ‘leaving the room to fart’ charade, but, When giving birth to our son, I farted, followed through and sprayed the student midwife with a shower of runny shit, and funnily enough, all the coyness has gone straight out of the window since then.

heidithebogey2 · 17/10/2018 13:42

What's romantic about not being able to fart in the comfort of your own home?

Sounds like a weird fetish to me.

MemoryOfSleep · 17/10/2018 13:51

Wherever you may be, let the wind blow free,
Church or Chapel, let it rattle

alwaysthepessimist · 17/10/2018 13:56

oh good god I am sat at my desk at work crying laughing at this thread - farting makes me laugh so so so so much, DH can't understand it, he does fart but when he does he doesn't seem to think it's funny - mine can be toxic sometimes - dd (6) thinks it's hilarious too

@jaxtellerswife - that made me laugh so much!

MawkishTwaddle · 17/10/2018 14:00

I used to fart all the time in front of XH, and he hated it. I thought he was an uptight twat I was right.

But I just can't do it in front of current DP, and we've been living together for five years. I mean, he's heard me once or twice, but I wouldn't just cock a leg and let rip like I used to.

Thing is, he wouldn't mind a bit. I'm a contrary mare.

HRMumness · 17/10/2018 14:19

Dontcallmecharlotte Fart Tennis - We never play that in our house either . Game, set, match!

AnotherPidgey · 17/10/2018 14:26

I have IBS and have calmed it down with diet, but in the early years, nice romantic things like wine, spicy meals out and desserts unwittingly meant we wouldn't have seen much of eachother if I left the room each time there was an ill wind. Then there were the Silent But Deadlies that could only be identified after the event.

One of my babies caused a 3rd degree tear. With a month of laxitives and stunned nerves it really wasn't a time for those of a sensitive disposition. Thank goodness we are fairly unashamed about biological functions because it was bad enough being dependent on being within 5 minutes of a toilet and shower for the first month without the added embarrasment of someone being oversensitive about the consequences of birth injuries.

ladydickisathingapparently · 17/10/2018 14:34

Poor DH is a bit hard of hearing and occasionally I’ll let one go that has a subtle rising tone at the end, to which DH always replies “yes dear?” And I have to admit I was just treading on a duck, not asking him something.

Smell wise, we all just blame the dog...who to fair has the worst gas I’ve ever encountered. You can be sat there all happy and contented, and suddenly it’s like low tide at the pier .

BengalLioness · 17/10/2018 14:38

Took me about 5 years to confidently fart in front of DH without getting awkward ! Lol now I fart whenever I feel like it . It's home and I want to be comfortable here.

DH on the other hands gets awkward about it but does do it .

Hidingtonothing · 17/10/2018 14:38

tobee · 17/10/2018 14:49

After being together with Dh for over 31 years I have to say farting in front of each other doesn't even make the list of intimate bodily functions, operations, illnesses, births, deaths, frailties etc that we've shared together.

mydogisthebest · 17/10/2018 15:00

Yes of course DH and I fart in front of each other. I can't understand couples who are comfortable enough to do so.

There was a discussion about this a while ago on a money saving expert forum and most of the posters said they didn't fart in front of their partner. I was told I am crude and that me and DH don't respect each other!

I have IBS and, like another poster here, if I went to the bathroom every time I needed a fart I might just as well live in there

DarlingNikita · 17/10/2018 15:06

I was just treading on a duck

cakesonatrain · 17/10/2018 15:12

I don't have the ability to hold most of mine in!

defectiveinspector · 17/10/2018 15:18

My DP tried holding them in when we were first together and as a consequence was letting rip during sex (release of pressure and all that). Soon discovered it was better to let them out over the course of the evening and not let them build up

I've managed to wake us up twice, not with the noise unfortunately, the noxious gas. Not sure how I can get up and go to the bathroom when I'm asleep!

vampirethriller · 17/10/2018 15:20

I farted so loudly the other night that it woke the dog up, and she's deaf.

Dowser · 17/10/2018 15:29

Ex was a horrible farter...really smelly...not nice at all
On a trip back from Florida he’d obviously held them in all night as we were getting off the plane he farted all the way to the exit

It was sooo embarrassing.

He was actually quite embarrassed himself

Good...

cjt110 · 17/10/2018 15:29

DH’s are toxic and I do find it a bit inconsiderate if he stinks the room out, it’s unpleasant and I do wish he would go to the bathroom. Farts you can’t hold in are one thing but gleefully inflicting them on others on purpose is another. I think we're married to the same man. DH has a habit of farting in the hallway just before he leaves for work and it stinks and lingers.... I can taste it for hours after.

DH also does the face at me if I let rip and tuts at me yet he's fine to do the same.

I once farted low and slow.... DH reached for his phone on the bedside cabinet thinking his phone was vibrating.

He got his own back on my when I cuddled in one night and heard "pooooof" and the smell of death was unleashed.

Sidenote.... Do you say farts or trumps to your DC? DS is 4 and we say trump. It feels wrong (don't know why) to say fart to him, or hear him say it.

cjt110 · 17/10/2018 15:32

Oh... I once farted in the airbridge waiting to board a plane back from holiday. Didn't realise how perfumed it must be until the teens in front declared "Eurgh. Someone's farted - that stinks" and buried their noses in their t-shirts.

I also farted in the National Coal Mining Museums. That was the day I learnt that farts echo....

alwaysthepessimist · 17/10/2018 15:52

@cjt110 - yes we say trump too - fart sounds just rude......I don't know why

SheWhoDaresGins2 · 17/10/2018 16:07

I also farted in the National Coal Mining Museums. That was the day I learnt that farts echo...

@cjt110

SheWhoDaresGins2 · 17/10/2018 16:08

Sorry hit post to quick... It would seem duck quacks do echo

Seaelf · 17/10/2018 16:12

Another good Scottish saying - ye canna hud fit disna fit in yer haans

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/10/2018 16:14

We could always blame silent ones on the dog - mind you hers did usually have a slightly different 'bouquet'.
You could say to her, 'Pooh! - was it you?' and the poor thing would slink off with that guilty look and hide behind the sofa.

Don't know why anyone did it, except that it was funny - nobody in our house has ever been precious about farts.

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