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Original poster

How long did you have off work after losing a parent?

121 replies

MrsCipo · 15/10/2018 21:59

Just that really. And how were your work about you taking the time off? Supportive or did they put a time limit on how soon you should be "ok" again?

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 15/10/2018 22:03

I was due to start a new job the day after I found her. I rang them and told them I wouldn't be coming in, I took two weeks.

DSis took two weeks too but I know she was being hassled by them to come back. In retrospect she should have gone to the dr and been signed off, but it didn't occur to us at the time.

FlamingGoat · 15/10/2018 22:06

I had three weeks. In hindsight I should have taken more.

PandaG · 15/10/2018 22:06

Just over 2 weeks, but I work part time, and it was all unpaid.

LardLizard · 15/10/2018 22:06

Zero sahm 😨dh took no time off

mimibunz · 15/10/2018 22:08

Over a year. It was unexpected and I lost myself for a long time.

whereiscaroline · 15/10/2018 22:08

A lady I work with took 5 weeks and then did a phased return when her DF died.

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2018 22:09

I was off from the week before my DF died, then another 3 weeks afterwards. My GP gave me a sick note with bereavement as the reason. He would have given me longer but it was coming up to Christmas and I knew if I didn't go back before the holidays I would have felt it more difficult to return. (I'm a teacher).

DrMadelineMaxwell · 15/10/2018 22:10

I was off work for 3 weeks. One week when Ddad had been given days left and then 2 weeks after, helping DMum sort everything out and to get over it myself because it had been very traumatic.

DH left work at lunchtime the day his DDad died, then went back to work the next day as he's very much a 'keep busy and carry on' kind of person.

Each to their own, and all that.

ChinUpShouldersBack · 15/10/2018 22:10

We were allowed one week but luckily the week following that was half term. That was about 30 years ago.

Wittow · 15/10/2018 22:11

My mum died mid April. I went back to work mid July. I am in the sort of job which demands some emotional resilience. Work visited me twice. They were OK but by the 2nd visit I was thinking I was taking the piss. I'm now really suffering from PTSD type symptoms and will be going to my doctor this week.

Coolaschmoola · 15/10/2018 22:14

I'm a teacher. My mum died in the summer, so I was off. Term started two weeks later and I went back. After the funeral I needed something to occupy my mind, work did it for me.

NoShitHemlock · 15/10/2018 22:14

I had 2 weeks off when my dad died - needed to get back to the routine of work tbh and they were absolutely fantastic. Every workplace is different - I am a civil servant so was able to take 1 week leave and 1 week special leave to arrange his funeral, but I know I could have taken more time if I needed it.

I will be in bits when my mum goes (but hopefully not for a long time) - definitely long term off work and am fairly certain work wont be quite so accomodating.

Armchairanarchist · 15/10/2018 22:15

I took only two days off as I found it helped to keep busy.

bexcee · 15/10/2018 22:16

I took a week off plus the day before, the day of and the day after the funeral. Wish I'd taken more but was a four week wait at the crematorium and so I went back.
Some people want to just carry on as normal as they can, others need time to come to terms with what's happened.
Hope you're ok Thanks

MrsJoyless · 15/10/2018 22:16

My work gave me three days' compassionate leave. One for the death, one for the funeral and an extra day for arranging the funeral as I was next of kin. I took two weeks of annual leave.

AhAgain · 15/10/2018 22:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

cheeseandcrackers · 15/10/2018 22:18

1 week. Same for most of my colleagues in the same situation

TheQueenSnortsAvocados · 15/10/2018 22:18

Two or three days, but I knew i only had a few days left before two weeks leave, and I had very supportive colleagues who put up with me doing no work. I then had another three days or so for the funeral in January.

BackforGood · 15/10/2018 22:18

Couple of days. Though, I was able to do some 'mindless' stuff for a couple of days. I also worked part time, so was able to do stuff that needed to be done on the days when I wasn't working.
You are never "ready". Two weeks. Four weeks. Two months, wouldn't have meant I was 'over it'. I found some 'normality' in carrying on with routine.

Spamfrittersforeveryone · 15/10/2018 22:19

Two days, and I changed my hours around a bit for the next couple of weeks to be around more for my other parent.

Helpmemyhairisterrible · 15/10/2018 22:23

Self employed. My Dad was the chief supporter of what I do, so I went back quickly thinking of him. The last thing he was able to say to me was about work. I was also 10 weeks pregnant with second baby when he died. Cried every day for six months. 10 months later it's not so bad.

huttub · 15/10/2018 22:25

I took 6 months off and didn't return full time. For lots of reasons but mainly to support my mum.

DoinItForTheKids · 15/10/2018 22:26

My mum died two days before Xmas (1 day after the most horrific, exhausting, mishandled house move you can imagine - it even involved the police - it was funny but not funny). It was a Friday.

I went in to work on the Monday to put on an out of office, sort things out. Was at home on the Friday and got an email asking when I'd be coming back in as I'd 'gone over my compassionate leave allowance'.

For this Director that I worked for despite being a single parent with absolutely no support other than a childminder, I monthly attended a meeting until 8 pm getting me home and finally my children home by 10 pm, I regularly worked a good 5-6 hours a week extra and on average this totted up to 20 hours a month for which I was supposed to get time off in lieu as per their rules but which I never got.

I was disgusted. I handed my notice in my email, suggested I leave immediately in lieu of notice so that they could organise with another PA who I know was without a Director to work for and could step straight into the role. I never went back. It's no way to treat people and I was gobsmacked by it and not least in light of all the extra hours that I had consistently worked covering meetings which, because this Director was so incompetent as a Chair, she allowed people to waffle on for hours on end meaning my children were stuck at (albeit a lovely, but that's not the point) childminder's for blood hours at a time. I wasn't happy about it at all.

TheSconeOfStone · 15/10/2018 22:27

4 weeks signed off by GP. Work were brilliantly supportive. I had a few days before the death (was at my parents home) the rest afterwards.

I had a DC with SN going through horrendous school stuff while my dad was dying. I was left more exhausted than I have ever felt in my life.

I had loads of catching up to do on my return but I needed that amount of time off. GP said it was her normal suggestion for the death of a parent.

Seniorschoolmum · 15/10/2018 22:30

For my dad, just the day of the funeral. Boss tried to make me take it as annual leave Hmm

For my mum, I got the news at 9am when I got to the office. I was 5 months pregnant and went all weepy, and couldn’t pull myself together, so was sent home. Back in the office the next day, then had the day of the funeral off.

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