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Original poster

How long did you have off work after losing a parent?

121 replies

MrsCipo · 15/10/2018 21:59

Just that really. And how were your work about you taking the time off? Supportive or did they put a time limit on how soon you should be "ok" again?

OP posts:
Beingginger · 15/10/2018 22:33

When my FIL died dh and I took 2 weeks off, I went back the day after the funeral and DH went back the following Monday. My work we’re really good even though he wasn’t my parent. He had a really aggressive cancer and we knew it was terminal so we were sort of prepared.
My grandmother died unexpectedly 3 weeks later and I took another 4 days for her funeral.

Dowser · 15/10/2018 22:34

Two years.

I was a bereavement counsellor
After all that time i never went back.

Redglitter · 15/10/2018 22:34

My Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I was off 8 weeks & went back on a phased return. Work were great

RosiePosies · 15/10/2018 22:37

I worked with someone who's mum died very suddenly. She was off for about 4 months and then did a phased return.

CantWaitToRetire · 15/10/2018 22:38

I had 5 weeks off because my DF died in a hospice on the day he was admitted. As he'd been there less than 24hrs it had to go to the coroners court and it took ages for us to get the death certificate to be able to start planning the funeral. So it was 4 weeks up to the funeral and another week after. I'd also had two months off before he died as I was supporting my mum and spending time with DF as he deteriorated from cancer. I was signed off sick with stress for that period. I've been with my company for 30 years and they were fantastic, really supportive, and I was paid for the whole time off.

NorthernRunner · 15/10/2018 22:39

I was a nanny at the time, I had a week off but wanted more, and in hindsight I should have had more

PhilODox · 15/10/2018 22:40

None. I still haven't even told my boss he died. Slightly different circumstances I suspect.

Justgivemesomepeace · 15/10/2018 22:45

One week compassionate and two weeks bereavement, all paid. I would then have had to get a sick note. Work were supportive and told me not to go back if I wasn't up to it. My sisters boss was on the phone quite a lot asking when she was going back. Other people at work have been off months when parents have been ill or passed away.

Greycat11 · 15/10/2018 22:47

I had a week's compassionate leave. Then I went back as it was expected and it didn't occur to me to question it. Probably needed longer in hindsight.

Stephisaur · 15/10/2018 22:48

DH and I work together. His dad died on the Wednesday, we took the Thursday and Friday off (and don’t work weekends anyway) and were back in on the Monday.

We couldn’t stand being home any longer. We needed the distraction.

Bouledeneige · 15/10/2018 22:50

1 week. My dear mum died unexpectedly - just dropped dead.

functionoverform · 15/10/2018 22:51

My Dad collapsed very suddenly, and spent a week in intensive care before we had to withdraw life support, so had a week off being with him, then another 2 and a half weeks to get the funeral sorted and suchlike.

Work were fairly good and were okay with me going in and not teaching so I could get back up to speed before taking on my classes. I also got a sick note to cover the absence as well though, and work gave me wine and flowers to let me know they were thinking of me which also helped.

Skittlesandbeer · 15/10/2018 22:54

Wow, this thread has really opened my eyes.

DH & I lost 3 parents in 3 years. We were very involved in their care in the months before their deaths. We were executors of their wills. We organised their funerals. We took not one day off, other than their funerals.

In fact my dad died in the middle of settling his affairs, and from the second his eyes closed I was thrown into a maelstrom of accounting & legal crises. My siblings and I bunkered down for 3 days trying to sort it out before the official death certificate ‘kicked in’. We worked 24hrs, in shifts. So, I actually worked harder than I ever had in the depths of bereavement. No cups of tea, and time to process, just boxes of complicated documents to go through, and 300 of dad’s closest friends to contact. This was the worst bit, since he’d hidden his terminal cancer from them all and in their shock many of them started shouting at us and accusing us of lying when we rang them to notify them of his death. Fun times.

I’m glad other people on this thread were able to (mostly) prioritise their mental health. I still wonder sometimes whether ‘proper grief’ will descend on us at some point, since we were forced to put it aside at the time.

makeitalargegin · 15/10/2018 22:56

Well over a year my mum died very unexpectedly, I was 24 weeks pregnant. Went back after 2 weeks and broke down, my job was a customer facing type roll and all I was seeing was happy family's ☹️. Went straight into maternity leave.

Luckily my manager was amazing and a family friend, who had also lost a parent a few years back and understood how I was feeling.
I will never forget how I felt when I went back to work, felt like my world had ended and it was upsetting to see how the world still went on.

cookiesandchocolate · 15/10/2018 22:58

I was 21 weeks pregnant and had relocated back home when my DF died. I was fine until after the funeral when I had nothing to focus on. Work would have been a great distraction but it doesn't always work like that

Bloodybridget · 15/10/2018 23:01

Just a day or so for each of them, I think, and then off for their funerals, of course. I did have some time off in the week before my DM died, when she was in hospital.

FishesThatFly · 15/10/2018 23:10

DF given terminal prognosis. Signed off by Dr so l could be with him. Died 8wks later. Was blanked by managers on RTW 🙁

TheHobbitMum · 15/10/2018 23:13

I was paid for 1 week although I went back 4 days after as I needed to keep busy. I took some funeral leave after I went to work for days I needed off to prepare the funeral. Work was very good and have allowed me to take time off if needed but I do prefer to keep busy

deste · 15/10/2018 23:19

Two days and then I got a phone call the day after from my boss asking when I was going to make up the time I had lost. I had to go back to work next day but was in bits so had to take a weeks leave the following week. Her brother died a few weeks later and she was off for three weeks. My sister was so annoyed that she was going to phone our head office but knew boss would make things difficult for me. All she was worried about was hitting targets so she could go on jollies. This was a large well known worldwide company.

elephantoverthehill · 15/10/2018 23:23

My DF died on Boxing day. He had a strong work ethic but also didn't want to ruin Christmas, I think. I took no time off, as a teacher the death and the funeral were all within the holidays. When I went back to work I was caught sighing heavily, my HoD made a joke about it and I just told him the truth. I think he was a little taken aback.

sasparilla1 · 15/10/2018 23:41

Dmil died earlier this year. She passed away at 1.00am and dh went to work at 9.00am..... he's self employed though, and not the type to sit around.

icouldbewrongicouldberight · 15/10/2018 23:46

I was off about a week which included going to another country to bury him. Should have taken longer as I then cried all the way to work for about two weeks. Work were happy for me to be off longer, I just didn’t want to be.

GreasyFryUp · 16/10/2018 00:01

Couple of days here and there including the funerals. Time off for practical stuff, personally I preferred to be in work getting on with stuff.

Ezzie29 · 16/10/2018 00:11

My dad went into hospital on the Sunday and we were told he was entering the final stage but could be a couple of weeks yet so me and DM went into work on Monday whilst DSis stayed off. She then got the call to say he had gone downhill so we had to come in. My boss wasn’t at her desk and I didn’t even wait for her to get back, just picked up my stuff, filled co worker in on what I was working on, then left. He died on the Wednesday evening and the funeral didn’t end happening for over a week later, on the Friday after, and I was off the whole time. I then took the next Monday and Tuesday off as annual leave so I could have a short week back for my first week. My boss was amazing, so kind. I should only have had a week compassionate but she let me have two.
Weird coincidence seeing this as mum and I were talking about it this morning and I’ve not even thought about it in years.

AliMonkey · 16/10/2018 00:32

DF died unexpectedly on a Friday and was found on Sat. Drove to his home on Sun and spent day tidying up, clearing fridge etc and gathering address books etc. Worked Mon as had urgent deadline. Took Tues to Thurs off work to start sorting things out, don't work Fris anyway. Went back to work except day off for funeral. Spent my evenings sorting everything out for about 3 months. I guess that would have been quicker if I had taken more time off but for my mental health I cannot imagine how being off work without the normal routine would have been any help for me. But we're all different.

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