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Original poster

How long did you have off work after losing a parent?

121 replies

MrsCipo · 15/10/2018 21:59

Just that really. And how were your work about you taking the time off? Supportive or did they put a time limit on how soon you should be "ok" again?

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 16/10/2018 14:52

I had 5 days off work, then the following week had been previously booked as a holiday.

Two weeks felt about right for some breathing space although I would have managed ok after the funeral. Doesn't mean I wasnt still shedding tears daily, even in work, but it helped to start adjusting back to semi normal sooner rather than later.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 16/10/2018 15:17

I was still at school when my Dad died that was in the holidays so no time off as such. With my Mum, I heard she had "days" on the Thursday which threw me so I didn't go into work on the Friday. Went in on the Monday and she died that afternoon. Work sent me home in a cab and were brilliant. I went back on the Thursday as I needed to occupy my mind (older siblings were organising funeral etc.). Took the day off for the funeral (which was a Thursday, a week or two later) and the day afterwards as well. So five and a bit days altogether but I could have had more I think - a colleague's father died and she had quite a few weeks off.

I lost a sibling earlier this year. It was over a long weekend and I went straight into work on the Tuesday. The funeral was on a Wednesday (weeks later) and I asked for that day and the next and also the Friday as A/L but they didn't take it as leave. They also said "take as long as you need" and, given one of the directors had a fortnight off when his dog died, I knew they meant it.

Sorry for everyone's losses Flowers

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/10/2018 15:35

After Dad died I had a month off - my GP signed me off as my manager at the time was so unsupportive. The morning he died I phoned to tell her I wouldn't be in and she started pushing me to go back the next day.

When Mum died last year I had a week off as compassionate leave. I was then signed off for a week about 6 weeks later as I broke down at work and couldn't stop crying. We'd scattered her ashes on the Friday, locked up her house for the last time on the Sunday and everything just hit me on the Monday.

pretendingtowork1 · 16/10/2018 15:53

A day or two then one more for the funeral. Keeping busy generally best.

chemenger · 16/10/2018 16:06

A week off for both. I found it better to be back in my normal routine. It's a very personal thing which I would say there is no "norm" for. You really have no way of knowing how you will react until it happens. My mother died at home after a long illness, I was there at the end. My father died unexpectedly in hospital and none of us were there. In both cases my brother, who they lived with needed longer off. For me missing a lot of time from work is very difficult since there are things nobody else can easily do and students who rely on me, but actually I found being at work comforting. It is a very supportive workplace which I have been in for decades so probably not typical.

HRTpatch · 16/10/2018 16:09

2 days. I was a retail manager and had to be back for the saleShock

Cleanerswinagain · 16/10/2018 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/10/2018 16:18

I had loads to do when Mum died and could have done with longer off to be honest. I didn't seem to be able to get appointments to do more than one thing on one day so it just seem to go on. We had a limited time to clear the house as well as she'd done an equity release and the company were in charge of selling it. Luckily DH didn't book any work for a month and did most of it for me otherwise I'd still be clearing it out.

YBR · 16/10/2018 16:42

My company's standard is 1 week, with some discretion given to line managers. I took longer because it took over a week to receive the Post-mortem paperwork, then register DF's death (2 weeks plus the day of the funeral over a week after that), and also because my parents lived some distance away (probably would have taken less if they had been within say 45 mins drive and I could be there in the evening).

They would have been open to having a sick note to cover longer and my GP would not have a problem.

ingenvillvetavardukoptdintroja · 16/10/2018 16:47

2 weeks compassionate. Then tried to go back and realised it was too soon - got signed off for another 2 or 3 weeks. Just lay on the sofa all that time. Was then able to go back.

BalthazarImpresario · 16/10/2018 16:52

I work weekends and was in hospital with parent and they died on weekend 1 (after my shifts finished) . Weekend 2 was compassionate leave. Weekend 3 I already had annual leave booked. Weekend 4 I was due to return but had funeral on Friday and annual leave already booked for the Saturday so returned weekend 5...I would have been fine to go back to work weekend 3 (so only 1 weekend off post death) if it hadn't have been for my holiday. I work in retail and felt ok. However if I worked full time I may have needed more but 2/3 days a week was enough to give my brain space and they were really good.

I was fine when doing things but it never goes, grief is a very personal thing and it's a unique process, there were other things that I had to deal with while he died and in the aftermath and it took a while to untangle the feelings.

sillywitch · 16/10/2018 17:01

Zero. I wanted the distraction. I know it sounds nuts, but I guess we are all different

MollysMummy2010 · 16/10/2018 17:14

My mum died on the Friday night before a bank holiday weekend. I was back in the Tuesday. I took some annual leave to sort her affairs and then took three days compassionate as she wanted to be buried where she was born, which involved a flight.

HungryForSnacks · 16/10/2018 17:14

I was due to start a new job the following day. I asked them if I could delay my start date by 4 weeks and they were fine with it

almondsareforevermore · 16/10/2018 18:30

In my last job a colleague was allowed three days when her mum died. I was not paid when I missed a day to be with my DD after a miscarriage.

icelollycraving · 16/10/2018 18:40

Three days. That’s all I was allowed and couldn’t afford unpaid time. We were not close at the time of his passing. It was complex. I did post at the time on mn and people were unfalteringly kind.

Littleelffriend · 16/10/2018 18:50

My boss ordered me to take 3 weeks compassionate leave on full pay. I was so grateful not to have to worry about Work on top of everything else and I’m still grateful to this day. Company policy is a lot less

Enidblyton1 · 16/10/2018 18:53

I went into work the Monday after my DM had died on the Saturday, but was sent home after a few hours. I think I ended up having a week off, but it was 15 years ago and my memory of that time is a blur.

LoveAGoodToddlerTantrum · 16/10/2018 19:13

My DM died on the Sunday night and I went into work the next day. The funeral fell on my rest day so I didn't need to take leave. My work colleagues and boss were amazing and let me deal with things in my own way by being busy and never asking me how I was. If I'd needed time away I know I could have taken it with their blessing.

fadingfast · 16/10/2018 19:21

I had only been in a new job for three weeks when my terminally ill dad reached the final stage. I had a week off leading up to his death, spending most of the time with DM and Dsis. I then had a week to support DM and make funeral arrangements, followed by another week when I had to move house (great timing) and then get through the funeral. It was a horrendous time but my employer was brilliant and allowed me to have the time off on full pay, despite the fact I'd barely been there five minutes. I'm no longer working there but I will be forever grateful to my manager at the time, and it meant my loyalty to the business lasted a lot longer than it would have done otherwise.

KeepCalm · 16/10/2018 19:31

I'm self employed and whilst my staff were extremely supportive 'time off' wasn't really an option. It was hard work as well as devastating because my Dad's passing was so sudden.

I don't think there is a right/wrong length of time but keeping busy helped me both times. My Mum's passing wasn't sudden but I had DC3 two days later so time off wasn't really an option then either.

Sorry for your loss Thanks

PanamaPattie · 16/10/2018 19:32

5 days paid compassionate leave. Happy to get back to work.

Millie2013 · 16/10/2018 20:02

2 weeks when my dad died, I work with a lot of end of life patients so it wouldn’t have been ethical for me to go back sooner

Work were great, I could have taken longer, all paid

lljkk · 16/10/2018 20:15

Sudden death. 2 weeks paid leave + 1 wk of annual leave. I had to fly 8 time zones away to deal with the estate & attend funeral. Work was kind about it.

Girlsnightin · 16/10/2018 20:25

2 weeks paid compassionate then already had a weeks holiday so took that. Was offered a phased return to work but didn't take that option.