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Original poster

Sacrifices you have made as a parent?

146 replies

Babyshark2018 · 01/10/2018 22:28

Since having my daughter 3 months ago there is probably a huge list of changes I have made. Sleep/ hardly going out etc. But recently I have given up caffeine and dairy in the hopes it will help her colic/ reflux issues. It is SO hard! I know that sounds pretty trivial but it’s the little things like a nice cup of coffee that get me through the day.

Today I had decaf tea with almond milk . She’s totally worth it but I can’t get over how much my life has changed.

What have you sacrafised?

OP posts:

Leopardmouse · 04/10/2018 11:04

Happiness, hope for the future, nearly every friendship, my relationship, my self esteem, my career, my degree, my figure, money, enjoyment of life and will to live. Been unhappy since mid way through pregnancy and haven’t had a single happy or even content day years on. Only know I have to continue this existence because no one else to look after DC.

Autumn2018 · 04/10/2018 11:06

Leopard, do you think you have PND?

To have no single day of happiness in years seems a bit extreme, was my only thought. I hope you're ok .

vickibee · 04/10/2018 11:10

My son has just started big school and I thought things would be easier by now but unfortunately he has ASD and still has the care needs of a much younger child. He has poor independence and he still needs help with bathing, cleaning his teeth dressing etc. He is nearly 12. I can only work part time

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mrpoopybutthole · 04/10/2018 11:17

Jesus Leopardmouse,
That's depressing! I get some of those on ur list but relationship? Friendship? Why?!

Leopardmouse · 04/10/2018 11:17

Autumn - sorry for how depressing my post was! I have had happy moments here and there - DC first words, first steps etc - but on a whole it’s been utterly shit. I don’t think it’s PND because it’s completely because of the lifestyle.. if I could have my old life back I’d be happy again.

Whereisthecoffee · 04/10/2018 11:20

My guilty pleasure explicit Eminem
A peaceful bath

Leopardmouse · 04/10/2018 11:21

mrpoopybutthole - partner left me a year after DD was born, cut us off and told his friends/family he didn’t think DD was even his is now TTC with new girlfriend apparently. Dodged CMS by working cash in hand. No childcare or family to babysit, so can’t ever meet friends and DD wakes at least once an hour so it’s pointless having friends over in the evening. Alone with DC 24/7 unless we go to the supermarket or park

Original poster

Babyshark2018 · 04/10/2018 12:37

Leopard that sounds really hard.

Maybe it is worth a visit to the GP though? Even if it is the situation that is making you feel depressed sometimes anti d’s can make you see through the fog?!Sorry if you have already.

Do you go to any baby/ play groups? I don’t know where I’d be without my Mum friends.

OP posts:

MintGreen · 04/10/2018 12:45

I've sacrificed my career, both my hobbies, my social life, my body, my personal space, my savings, alcohol, travel, my spontaneity, my sex life, and my independence.
What I've gained is love and joy beyond measure, a sense of purpose, a deeper relationship with my family, amazing new friends, more passion for the environment, politics, and education, and a changed perspective on life.
Wouldn't change it.

ineedwine99 · 04/10/2018 13:19

@mrpoopybutthole
All the best with TTC, i have a daughter, best thing in my world, i promise i'm not being goady but i really can't think what i've sacrificed other than sleeping past 7:30am. We never really did big nights out and now when we do my mum babysits, we still travel to longhaul destinations and stay in lovely hotels, i accept we have been hugely lucky but she slept through from 4m old and has generally been a very easy baby (once silent reflux was under control)
Not sacrificed my figure as it was shit before :-D
Being a parent is amazing, their little smiles when they see you, tiny little hands grabbing your fingers, makes any hard moments worth it. I now get 'lufs you mummy' my heart melts

CuppaSarah · 04/10/2018 14:00

I've given my body, my job, friends, freedom and lots more. But I've given those things willingly and have gotten much more back. I can totally understand not wanting to have children as it's a lot to give. But for me it was absolutely the right choice. It took a few years to truly come to terms with what I've given up for my children though

mrpoopybutthole · 04/10/2018 19:35

I'm so sorry Leopard, that's awful!
I hope you get everything worked out (as much as u can) soon x

Most of the replies have actually made me feel better/more hopeful. Thank u x

woodlands01 · 04/10/2018 21:28

I think a PP said 'insanity when DD was 15'.

I second this. Teenage years (14 though to 17 for me) - consistent, persistent worry & lack of sleep. DS currently 15 - I keep telling myself everything is a phase but this is a bloody long one.
I am a secondary school teacher too and my days sometimes become survival as I am so worried about my own. I hated drama at school but I have become an expert in putting on an act in the working environment. Today is a very low day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.....

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 04/10/2018 23:00

I hear you, woodlands, I hear you.

Gre8scott · 05/10/2018 06:26

My marriage my career my body my mental health most of my friends my bank balance .
Love her though

BlackeyedSusan · 05/10/2018 06:59

career
money
health
safety (ds is autistic and meltdowns are severe)

woodlands01 · 05/10/2018 07:05

BlackBeltInChildWrangling - hope today is good for us both - in fact everyone.

Satsumaeater · 05/10/2018 08:23

Er, yeah - in YOUR experience. I haven't had a holiday for over eight years and not likely to get one any time soon

Well it depends on how much money you have and how many kids you have.

How many kids you have is a choice, barring multiple births.

Yes I am fortunate to earn well. But I chose to have one child for many reasons. The financial issues were right up there along with the fact that I was in one piece after the birth and decided to quit while I was ahead - so sorry for the pp who posted she has had medical problems caused by the births.

Anyway my point wasn't about affording holidays per se, it was a response to someone who said you can't do city breaks with kids.

Itsnotmesothere · 05/10/2018 15:55

Money. Career. Pelvic floor. Free time. Stomach- not that it was ever nice anyway Like a pp, I did not establish myself in a "career" after university. I do enjoy my job. Currently upgrading some school level qualification to give myself more career options. Fucking hell it's hard studying with a toddler and still had no career light bulb moment. I beat myself up most days that I'm studying in the afternoon and leaving him to amuse himself after taking him to a morning activity. Why couldn't I have been driven and capable before I had him? Then I could enjoy every day all day with him. Feel like other mums have their shit together and I don't. He's worth it though

KoshaMangsho · 06/10/2018 00:12

Of course you can do city breaks with kids. As long as you don’t expect boozy lunches and leisurely admiring paintings in art galleries. We have done most of the major European cities with the kids and it is fine. We divide up the day into one kid friendly and one adult oriented activity and broadly stick to routine. It’s worked fine across a diverse range of ages.

Firenight · 06/10/2018 00:16

Morning sex

Time to do anything for me

Savings

Sleep

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