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Original poster

Sacrifices you have made as a parent?

146 replies

Babyshark2018 · 01/10/2018 22:28

Since having my daughter 3 months ago there is probably a huge list of changes I have made. Sleep/ hardly going out etc. But recently I have given up caffeine and dairy in the hopes it will help her colic/ reflux issues. It is SO hard! I know that sounds pretty trivial but it’s the little things like a nice cup of coffee that get me through the day.

Today I had decaf tea with almond milk Shock . She’s totally worth it but I can’t get over how much my life has changed.

What have you sacrafised?

OP posts:
DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 02/10/2018 10:49

I don't know - what I have sacrificed, like sleep, free time, etc, seems like seriously small beer compared to what I've gained.

My career had taken off since having kids because I got serious about it. My daily life is more stressful but much more fun. Have about the same amount of spare cash because I earn a lot more but spend a lot more on childcare.

BlindAssassin1 · 02/10/2018 11:15

Uninterrupted sleep and my face - if I see a photo of myself I wonder how the hell it is possible to look that rough and not be dead.

A decent and more interesting job. People keep asking me if I've thought of moving to get a better job. But because DS is getting so much support, and doing so well, I'm reluctant to move him to another school and upset his education.

DP might say his health. Years of sleep deprivation and stress of a colicky baby then a hospitalised second baby upset his heart....literally, he has an arrhythmia now which is aggravated by any caffeine. Poor sod.

fieryginger · 02/10/2018 11:26

DS has life long disability. Still in nappies at 18. His future keeps me awake at night. Say no more.

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AnnabelleLecter · 02/10/2018 11:28

Not sure I have made any sacrifices apart from temporary insanity when DD was 15.
Other than that having DC has been life changing in a hugely positive way.
We set up all the financial stuff -savings, pensions, house way before dc. In fact having DC has made me invest more wisely.
Carried on the nice abroad holidays once DD was 3. Always had babysitters for our nights out.
I only took a year off work, admittedly I did change careers to something more child friendly but with similar pay and benefits and was ready for a change anyway.
Loads of other stuff and my body certainly isn't wrecked.

formerbabe · 02/10/2018 11:33

@fieryginger Flowers That must be so tough for you...the worry never stops imo for all parents so I can only imagine how magnified it is for you.

theworstwife · 02/10/2018 11:45

Peace of mind, brain space of any kind, freedom to do anything whenever I want and sleep. Career and relationship have survived up to now. I was always a fat hag so nothing to loose there Smile

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 02/10/2018 12:13

My career, my friends, my social life, an income, my hobbies, sleep, meals on occasion, free time, dairy, anything containing almonds (became allergic after switching to almond milk when I gave up dairy), a tidy(ish) house.
They are 100% worth it.

Cuppaqueen · 02/10/2018 13:20

Interesting question. I am 17 months into parenthood. My body is pretty much back to normal so I've been lucky there. I do feel pretty constantly tired though and my general zest for going out and doing stuff has dropped right down. My career has been on hold although I'm just starting to look for a new job so we'll see how much my time out has affected my chances. My confidence has taken a bit of a knock by being out of full-time work.

Relationship in good nick although a bit short on shags (baby still spending too much of too many nights in our bed). Holidays have been scaled back and simplified to suit a toddler but we do still travel. Nights out a lot less but I know that's only temporary (and I did a lot of fun stuff in the years before he was born so I'm not resentful really).

But on the plus side, I absolutely love being a mother and have been fascinated by every stage of my son's growing up. I've made lots of new friends. I'm no longer that person who looks at small children with fear and has no idea how to interact with them. My life is full of love and small moments of joy that weren't there in my old work-fun childfree existence.

So I guess I don't see the downsides as a sacrifice, more a deal I did that overall I'm happy with. I had my son in late 30s though and was already well set up financially so I think that makes a big difference.

Openup41 · 02/10/2018 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 02/10/2018 13:29

Almost 13 years of parenting and I can't really think of much I've sacrificed. There have been moments of greater worry than I'd ever experienced before having DC and of course we've had sleepless nights, but no real sacrifices. I have a career I love, time with friends, enough sleep and enough time with DH.

I do, however, acknowledge that it's unusual to have that level of fortune and I take none of it for granted.

Autumn2018 · 02/10/2018 13:37

BikeRunSki it scares me that you’re so right. This is the easy part.

OP, I gotta disagree with you right there! I found the baby years just horrendous. I'm finding as they get older it's much easier. Yes I accept it might get hard again, but so far the baby years were twice as bad as now (aged 5&8).

legodisasterzone · 02/10/2018 13:40

Both DC have SN- my mental and physical health, career, finances, independence....sadly I could go on and on.
None of the sacrifices could be helped,but it’s really tough.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/10/2018 13:44

My marriage, another relationship, travel, jobs abroad, new clothes, a thousand nights out, even drinks after work, salon hair cuts, furniture, new car, sleep, the gym.

I have told my dds clearly that I have always chosen them over everything. I need them to know I will always choose them. Because their dad can't/won't/doesn't. Cunt

broomvroomsqueak · 02/10/2018 13:52

Money from having a job which I enjoyed but it was not child compatible - project management with lots of travel in UK & abroad. Although I used to try to work to office hours somethings are night works or there are issues so I didn't think it would of worked to go back after a baby. I earned really well.

I like being a SAHM but money is a big issue for us. It affects what I can do with DC and that can make it harder to cope with. I literally can't afford anything.

madmomma · 02/10/2018 13:53

Nothing. My children and everything that goes with them are what I wanted and what I will always want. Nothing else comes close in importance.

SoundofSilence · 02/10/2018 13:54

My body, my social life, my bank balance, my hobbies, my career progression, my fitness, my own circadian rhythms, my standards of housekeeping.

but...

I have gained a sense of contentment I didn't have before (now they are old enough to go to school, that is), the ability to switch off from work in the evening and a sense of proportion. Having had both of them in specialist hospitals for things which are thankfully over, anything else which goes wrong in daily life just gets a shrug and a few minutes to figure out how to absorb the impact and move on, because nothing else has compared to that. Now the sleep-deprived days are over, I credit my kids with giving me mental health.

missmouse101 · 02/10/2018 13:54

Put my whole life on hold for 18 years so far and still going...

EvaHarknessRose · 02/10/2018 14:18

Currently, my Saturdays, Sunday mornings and Monday evenings driving to sports (and dh does the other sport and that's only one child!). Half my future pension. Three quarters of my mental space.

Totally worth it they come first.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/10/2018 15:16

@SoundofSilence that's true actually. My kids gave me my mh back too

FabulousTomatoes · 02/10/2018 18:55

Career and the ability to sleep through the night.

FabulousTomatoes · 02/10/2018 18:55

And my dds are teenagers! 😬

cholka · 02/10/2018 18:58

Try redbush tea instead of decaf OP!

I think UK mother culture can fetishise sacrifice a bit. Yes there’s loads of stuff you give up but sometimes it becomes competitive martyrdom. It’s not actually good for your kids if you become an empty husk of your former self!

It’d be easier to live full lives as mothers if politicians took us seriously and have better healthcare, childcare, work rights etc.

BikeRunSki · 02/10/2018 19:02

^FabulousTomatoes

Career and the ability to sleep through the night.^

I am feeling both of these very much today.

reetgood · 02/10/2018 19:13

Alone time - at least at the moment. He’s 9 months old and I’ve never had a night away from him. I was talking about it with my Mum, who’s had 3. We’re quite similar in recharging through being alone, although you’d mark me for an extrovert. It never goes away, she said, that desire. You just put it aside for a time. That and independence. I gain through being interdependent in our little family, but I didn’t realise until he was born how much I valued my independence.

seven201 · 02/10/2018 19:14

I gave up dairy for a year for my dd. I put on weight as I ate soooooo many bourbons (usually dairy free) to compensate.

I have sacrificed thousands and thousands in nursery fees.

Sacrificed many hours of sleep. She's 2 now and still has some horrendous nights (generally related to the milk allergy).

Totally worth it though.

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