Sacrifices you have made as a parent?

[Babyshark2018]

Since having my daughter 3 months ago there is probably a huge list of changes I have made. Sleep/ hardly going out etc. But recently I have given up caffeine and dairy in the hopes it will help her colic/ reflux issues. It is SO hard! I know that sounds pretty trivial but it’s the little things like a nice cup of coffee that get me through the day.

Today I had decaf tea with almond milk . She’s totally worth it but I can’t get over how much my life has changed.

What have you sacrafised?

I gave up milk and soya while breastfeeding, and I gave up my career to be there for my daughter while my husband worked - only for him to cheat so while I love my daughter and don’t regret anything I advise anyone giving stuff up to back up plan

@cuppaqueen

But on the plus side, I absolutely love being a mother and have been fascinated by every stage of my son's growing up. I've made lots of new friends. I'm no longer that person who looks at small children with fear and has no idea how to interact with them. My life is full of love and small moments of joy that weren't there in my old work-fun childfree existence.

You put that beautifully. I feel very similar. Like some others here I am an older mother and lucky to be in a good financial position. I am a nicer and happier person on a very basic emotional level since I had my DS (he’s 2 now).

I have been a mum for over 30 years

My last child moved out this year

What have I sacrificed?

My university education - I was asked to leave my degree course when I got pregnant in the mid 1980s
My marriage - I had a disabled child and this affected my marriage, we lasted 8 years
Subsequent dating prospects - single mum of two kids, one with SEN - what a catch
My career - just got onto the path of a potentially amazing career when SEN DD came along. Had to put the breaks on to cope with that
My body - my 50+ body is wrecked. I suffer from low grade kidney damage caused by pregnancies - so I have very high BP. I have urinary and faecal incontinence due to injuries caused by the births
My mind - PNDwith Dd1 and post puerperal psychosis with DD2 that have, 30 years later left me with anxiety issues

Some good points here!

I think once we get the sleep/ colic issues sorted we may be able to get some normality back... and coffee, lots of coffee.

I am definitely stopping at one child. I don’t think I could do pregnancy/ birth/ newborn again!

@elliejjtiny Yes! I remember having my teeth examined with a pair of toy binoculars because Doctor DS2 needed to examine poor, sick Mummy. The next time I was ill after that, I left the office and napped in the car for the rest of the afternoon.

I'm currently TTC & this is making me a bit nervous. I've noticed most parents have so much negative stuff to say about their kids/being parents but then say "but it's worth it".
Please tell me it really is. Hearing things like this makes being a parent sound so depressing

Ah there's nothing like it. It's painfully hard but you will never love a single human in this earth more than your child. Even though there are moments when you could cheerfully throttle them'

Nooo mrpoopy I really didn’t mean for this to become a depressing thread! I really do mean it when I say one of the biggest sacrafises I have made right now is a bad cup of tea haha.

I’m sat here cuddling my baby girl and it’s the best feeling in the world. She holds my hand and smiles at me while I feed her and I just melt. The love is overwhelming. I agree with a PP too, I have made so many new friends since becoming a Mum and have a far better social life now than I did before- it’s just different!

Thanks Babyshark, that's a good explanation. In the past when ppl have been saying how hard it is, they usually say "but it's worth it"but it's hard to see why without reasons.

Also the sacrifices are different at different stages. Mine are now old enough that sleep deprivation is not a chronic problem any more. My career remains a challenge. When they are awake DS2 still needs a lot of supervision (DS1 doesn’t!) so my mum radar is always on. That’s quite physically and mentally exhausting.

I am waiting for when we can go out with both without a changing bag and snacks. I can have a normal hand bag again. Ah the small joys.

I think it’s about expectations. DH and I don’t go out much. We are not leisurely sipping cocktails by the beach. We do city holidays/breaks but they are qualitatively different. We are fine with all of this.

I don't think I'd have kids if I turned back the clock. I don't genuinely believe that anyone sacrifices their whole life and really truly in their heart of hearts feels it is worth it, they just don't feel they can say how they really feel because of societal pressure and mum guilt. But being honest, I hate that I've had to sacrifice so much. I love him but if I could turn back the clock and know what the future had in store, I wouldn't have had a child.

I wish I'd know at the time that my giving up dairy would help my poor DD1's colic, it was agony for her, she would go bright read before doing a poo and it looked excruciatingly painful. She was in so much pain all the time for the first year and I really wish i's known about giving up milk and dairy to save her a lot of pain :( .

I have sacraficed a lot but I am trying hard at the moment to claw these things back by going to the gym, eating a low fat diet, making an effort with friends, taking DD to a childminder once a week.

They are worth it but I think it's still really important to try and regain some of the things you lose at first.

What runsweatlaughandlatte said.

I do think it depends on the sort of person you are, and whether you were ready to have kids or not.

Also - You can still have a career and city breaks with kids. Even young kids. For example, we went to Vienna and to Dubrovnik when ds was 4
Er, yeah - in YOUR experience. I haven't had a holiday for over eight years and not likely to get one any time soon.

Freedom and long dog walks (16 month old DD hates pram / carrier / anything that isn’t slow toddler walking!). Being able to sort bits in the house quickly and easily. Oh and relaxing holidays!

I had built my career pre-DD, and very lucky that am able to work very part time (1 day a week), so although no hope for promotion or anything like that, I can still work and keep up to date.

I do miss being able to just go out for dinner, or do a lovely long walk followed by an afternoon in the pub. I don’t know if it feels like a sacrifice as such, as I miss it but not too much. DD is so much fun now, and we just have a complete blast.

I feel like life is much less of a rush and so much less stressful than before, so although some things have gone (for now), I do feel like I have gained 1000 x more.

goat.

I’d don’t feel like I’ve sacrificed that much compared to what I’ve gained.

Lie ins, gym classes ( I used to love Les Mills, but they do have online subscriptions), freedom to move for work, thousands of pounds of inheritance for nursery fees (only way we could afford an age gap under 3 years), exotic holidays, head space.

On the plus side, I maintained my 'career' and got promoted this year. I have yet to regret not giving up full time work 6 years into motherhood. I also took up running to fit exercise into my life. About to run my second marathon. I'm not bragging, I'm bloody proud of myself for fitting in the training.

Sleep. Having 2 babies in 3 years, neither of whom have ever slept, has made my body retune itself and I've learned to live off very little sleep.

Sense of humour. DH pointed out the other day I don't take a joke or laugh like I used to. He's right. I'm always exhausted, or grumpy due to lack of sleep.

My body. I was so lean pre-DC. But this doesn't bother me so much. I'm a working mum of 2 who is running a house, doing a shit load of activities a week and keeping everyone happy, all of practically no sleep, my fitness regime can take a back seat for a while.

Independence. I really miss just being able to pop to the pub with friends.

Send your teenage daughters who want a baby over to this thread!!

DS is 2 months and he's already enriched my life: before he came along weekends were for getting pissed and spending the days hung over on the sofa. We never went on holiday. We saw the same people. We were skint.

Since he came along we still go down the family friendly pub but leave by 9 (mostly 7/8) so we can give him a bath and bed as he seems to sleep better after a mini routine. Even if we don't go out I at least move from the bedroom to the front room and I get dressed as I feel like a proper person then (but try not to beat myself up if I don't get dressed)

Before DS I would avoid meeting new people or people I semi know. I didn't even like making small talk. Now I'm finding I'm seeking out other mums to meet and getting annoyed there isn't more baby groups in my area for me to meet people.

Before DS we lived hand to mouth. Now we have enough savings to see us through 4 months just incase. This was due to quitting smoking drinking and take aways during pregnancy and since he has been born.

The sacrifices I made for DS are things which have enriched my life.

Omg I’m depressed reading that. Trying to convince myself that not much has to change lol

The biggest sacrifice has been financial, and the rest of the sacrifices we've made have been as a result of that. Childcare means things like foreign holidays are off the cards for a while. I'd been taking riding lessons pre-pregnancy but I don't have the money or the time now. But these are all really small things in the grand scheme of things. DD brings so much joy into my life that I can't begrudge the things I don't have, and I hope there'll come a time when there's a bit more money to go around.