Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

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I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

The only appropriate physical intervention is to remove your own child from danger. OP’s wasn’t even there.

If my child was behaving like that I’d be thankful for your help.

Although if I knew he was behaving like that I’d have got there first rather than twatting around with ‘kind hands please’ nonsense.

I don't think you did anything too wrong. A child was hurting other children and you intervened quicker than another adult. The parents of the other children might have not been as aware of what was going on as you were. You were as kind as you could be in the situation.

@lamagreyhpundroar come on. They were being slapped by a toddler. It wasn't a bar fight. Do you seriously believe that that could cause real hurt, as in an injury rather than hurt feelings.

Also imagine how intimidating it must have been for him. A bloody stranger running up the slide towards him.

YANBU.

Some of the responses about not touching a unknown child are missing the point a bit- it’s not as if OP went up and demanded a hug from him, he was lashing out and hurting other children while his mum was taking her sweet time addressing his behaviour. OP’s response was appropriate.

As for not intervening because her own child wasn’t involved- how ridiculous. So as long as something isn’t negatively affecting your child, you should never step in?

They were standing on a platform at the top of a flight of stairs (quite a few of them, by the sound of things)
If they’d tried to run some of them could well have been hurt in the scramble, RaceCar.

Mymy would you say the same if the child was running into the road? If touching would be OK (better than the alternative) when a child would be hurt why doesn't that apply here?

Thanks, from reading his I am beginning to feel as though I did the right thing, or as right as it could be in that scenario. And I guess, yes, I do believe the other mother wasn't responding quickly enough.
Also it was the little girl standing next to him being repeatedly hit that keeps coming back to me. She looked stricken, my dd is a sensitive soul and if it had been her she would have been distraught for the rest of the day. I know that is me projecting my issue into this situation, but still we are all a product of our experiences.

Not that it helps in this scenario, but I am DBS checked.

Also, the slide is good fun.

Your responses are always so bloody strange, babyspider. I’d hate to live in your world.

I told her it was ok, we all have days like this.

That was a bit patronising. Other than that I think what you did was fine.
There would be outrage if the headline "adults fail to intervene as 3 year old hits other children".

I live in a small village. I like to think it has a community feel to it. While I know my child is my responsibility I can confidently say that if I was not right on hand (whether it be an 'acceptable' reason like sorting out a nose bleed, or an 'unacceptable' one like just wandering off to chat to someone) that another adult would step in to sort out conflict or problems with children. In the same way I would do the same, and hope the parents would know I was acting in good faith.

I think in your shoes if I thought the parent wasn't intervening soon enough I would offer to get the child or ask if they needed a hand.

Annoying - totally

Would I have run up the slide to “save” other children who’s parents were nearby and completely aware of what was happening? Absolutely not

Greyhound- well said.

Always an individual take on the truth, our Spider.

OK, less unreasonable if she was going to take a long time going the proper way. In that case I would revise me original opinion that you were slightly unreasonable, your child was not involved so there was no reason (unless children were actually getting hurt) as a general rule. But I think what you did was not completely unreasonable as a decision made in the heat of the moment. You should have engage her in conversation though. That was unnecessary. I know you were trying to help but there was, ero reason fir you to get your back up meanwhile she was dealing with a stressful situation. Sometimes you need to let these things go.

it’s none of her business anyway, her child was not even involved.

Really? I can think of circumstances where it is our business.

And in this case the parent was behaving ineffectually while other children, at the top of steps so couldn't move away, were being hit.

Sounds fine to me. I would like to think that I would have done the same.

You shouldn't have intervened or touched the child. The Mother was on her way. It had nothing to do with you. Would you have been so understanding if a parent had done this to your child?

Do people really honestly feel we should only look out for children we know or are our own? It's a bit of a scary world to live in if that's how we look at it, that's my opinion anyway.

I'm not clear how the other mum was going to reach her child if she tried to climb up the steps with lots of other children queueing in the way? How could she do this without touching the other children?
It sounds like a load of children who were just queueing, or even worse, being hit, would have to be shoved out of the way so that this mother could reach her child.

Or else something could just walk up the slide and stop the child hitting other children.
I know what I would prefer.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You could all have stood around for ages letting children be hit, while you waited for someone else to intervene. We are in a very poor state of society if it is acceptable to let children hit each other and not intervene because neither of them are our children.

Would you have been understanding if your child was running into the road and all the other adults employed a "no touch" rule? I'd think they were mad... A child would get hurt.

Oh dear, she sounds like one of those parents. The ones who are ineffective and a bit crap, and yes they do exist. You did the right thing OP and if she didn't like it then she needs to get better at being a parent.

Honestly, if my children had been doing this, then yes please do intervene.
My dd is a bit of a panicker at times. She is a total daredevil and then suddenly flips to scared, so there have been occasions when she has freaked out up climbing frames etc. She did this once when I was helping my smallest dd, a man came across to me carrying her as she had gotten scared and he picked her up and carried her back to me.
I was nothing but grateful.

I doubt that ten reason she started crying had anything to do with you.
You did the right thing. You intervened to protect others children that were been hit.
And if to do that, the right thing was to touch the child to attract his attention, then itbwas the right thing to do.

As for you intervening even though your child had left the queue, I can’t see the issue. You intervene to protect 4 children. Are you only ‘allowed’ to do so when it’s yours nowdays??