Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

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I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

That includes a child, of any age, beating others up.

He’s a child. OP is a grown up. Potentially he’d already been booted in the back by one of the others. Who knows. Certainly not OP and it’s none of her business anyway, her child was not even involved.

I agree with Nicknacky a bunch of adults all shouting at a 3 year old would be terrifying and clearly wasnt helping the sitaution at all. The child was really distressed and responded with the hitting. of course thats not acceptable and yes mum reacted too slowly but she made a mistake we all do. I imagine she cried with all the parents shouting at her child and a stranger grabbing her child, all whilst stressed with his behaviour.

Mymycherrypie - but the other parents didn’t randomly go up to the boy and try and hold his hand?!? And the OP didn’t - she stopped him hitting other children.

If I was hitting you in the local park, it would not be unreasonable for someone to come over and grab my hands to stop me?

It’s not gratuitous touching, it’s an action to minimise physical harm.

I think you handled this really well. It sounds to me that she's got stuff going on (parenting issues, sleep deprivation, anything...) which is nothing to do with you. Her friend sounds weird. Please don't take their shit on. It's not you, it's them.

Tough call in a split second and don't doubt you were acting with anything but the best of intentions.
However I think the group of mums shouting have almost certainly escalated the problem and his mother was on her way to get him, so do not really understand what made you intervene when she's midway through a treehouse to do the same. In her shoes I'd have been annoyed with you. I may feel differently if you were known to my child.

I think it's rarely acceptable to physically lift another child not known to you, especially when the parent is present and actively dealing with the situation (even if a few seconds behind you). Not sure this makes you unreasonable, I guess the acid test is what you would you do if presented with the same situation?
Perhaps calling out to the mum "I'm closer should I lift him down for you? " may have poured oil on the water?

The poor mother is dealing with a 3 year old who is showing additional needs and you run up the slide and touch him which could have freaked him out even more

As the mother of 3 autistic kids, one of whom on occasion does become overwhelmed and if cornered can lash out, my answer to that is the mother wasn’t quick enough.

If your child is repeatedly hurting other children, you need to get to your child and remove them from the situation immediately. Because if you don’t, someone else (rightly) might well. So if a stranger touching them would distress them further, it’s up to you to get there first.

OP you did the right thing.

presumably the mother was going to have to wend her way through the queue, and the treehouse to the front and the OP says she ran up the slide, which tbh would have been my choice.

Just think of all the strange children the mother would have touched to get by on a child sized set of steps

It doesn't seem right to me that some posters here are more concerned about the OP touching another person's child than about four children being hurt and upset.

I think I'd have intervened too.

Other parents had already told the child to stop hitting and he was still hitting. In that situation I think holding his hands and saying "no hitting" is fine.

I don't get all these parents that are up in arms about another adult telling their child no, or god forbid, non-aggressively touching them.

My son has special needs. Because of this I keep a close eye on him and he is still told or reminded of normal social rules eg think of others (so he'd have been lifted off the top of the slide after it got to 2 kids waiting behind him), no hitting (told off sternly right away and removed), etc. A child with sen acting in a way other's view as bad behaviour is generally an sen child not coping with their environment or situation and communicating that through their behaviour.

Those saying how hard can a 3 year old hit. My lad was hurt by a fellow 3 year old at nursery so much he had a black eye that was swollen shut for about a fortnight! Said child has grown up to be a model pupil with no sen, just had a "moment" of physical aggression at nursery that yes did very much injure my child.

The mum of the little boy was likely feeling embarrassed and over whelmed as it sounds like the situation grew and grew. At first she was likely hoping a bit of cajoling and he would come down but things escalated. Like you say all young children can have moments like this and you weren't the only person who intervened, do not feel bad. You stop other young children being injured and the children of those parents were likely silently thanking you.

You did the right thing. She should've put a stop to it before he started hitting the other kids. She really took her time

Of course you did the right thing.

In order for evil to triumph it is necessary only that a good woman doesn't go up the slide and stop the hitting.

I would have done what you did. The people vilifying you probably have children that behave like this. Anyone normal would realise its for the boys own protection that he is removed from the situation. What if they all start hitting each other. Where does it end?

Op reached him before his mother did (quite a bit sooner to allow all this touching to take place), so the mum seems to have been showing slightly less urgency than the situation demanded.
Considering other kids were being whacked in the face.
It’s not a “kind hands, darling” situation, it’s a “get him out of there with all possible speed” situation.
Mum should have been on the ball and she clearly wasn’t.

Oh I see, OP ran up the slide - didn’t quite clock that. Hmmm, not sure I would have done that tbh.

(Not with my bad knees anyway).

Thanks for the responses, although it doesn't seem a bit split. I would normally never think of touching another child but the area was crowded and the other children couldn't get out of his way. I also agree that I would normally only intervene if my own child was in danger, she had changed her mind a left a minute earlier. So if she hadn't left the queue some think it would have been more justified?

I agree with other posters too that my son with sen likely wouldn't want a stranger touching him but in this situation I'd have been there very quickly myself before it got to this stage, or if I couldn't physically get there as quick as another mum I'd have thanked her for her help.

In that situation the children being hit and needing help trump my son's personal space issues.

It wasn't your place to run up the front of the slide so you could get to her child first. In fact, I imagine the other parents were bemused as to why you would do that. It sounds as though you raced to intervene after the mum went to get him.

I’m not not upset about the other children being hurt the point is that restraining a child that is not yours, nor even near your own kids, is a bit much. OP of course was not wrong in her intention or how she spoke to the child, but restraining someone else/ child while the mum was already on her way, takes it too far. What if he’d fallen off and been hurt... the OP could be accused of knocking him off or anything. Agreed the mum missed the too tired to be playing que and should have kept him off the slide in the first place.

The overriding message on this thread is that it’s not ok for a child to be touched when they don’t want to.

So why is it ok for other children to be repeatedly hit, while the mother does nothing?

Is hitting and hurting people wrong?

If yes: intervene

If no: don't

You did the right thing. You ended real harm. Sounds like she was too slow - perhaps you weren't sure she was going to be able to get to him, past the queue of children on the steps?

Prevention and ending of harm is the one thing that overrides the normal 'don't interefere, or tell off other people's children' rule.

It's completely fine and normal, if a child hits, for the nearest adult to move them aside, or hold their hands gently and say 'we don't hit'. Doesn't matter how little the child is IMO.

Anyone normal would realise its for the boys own protection that he is removed from the situation.

He was not removed. A lady he didn’t know ran up the slide and held his arms while he mum was already running up to him.

The kids were being walloped at the top of a flight of stairs, Racecar

YeTalkShiteHen- The mother was on her way! Got there same time as op.