Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

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I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

@YeTalkShiteHen. The mother told him off then went to get him down. She was doing something.

If it was one of my children who has SEN, then OP would likely have been hit in the face or kicked and then be dealing with an almighty meltdown. This is why it isn't ideal for strangers to go interfering with disciplining/ dealing with other people's children.

I'm glad you did it. If my dd had been up there at that age then I would have been very glad of someone intervening quickly.

Only too easy for children to get hurt on a big slide anyway, without one child panicked and scared and acting out. The situation needs to be defused immediately. (Remembering similar incidents from childhood in 60s when no adults around, no soft ground to fall on, the few safety rails easy to climb over, etc etc).

Sorry, to reply to some about the mother heading to get him. The back way up to the slide is quite long and here were lots of children in the way so it was taking her time to get to him, also she was walking, not rushing.

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Today 11:53 Snowymountainsalways

You knew she was heading up there, and was about to deal with it so why not leave it to her?"

Because he was hitting other children? And the longer it took to stop him, the longer that would go on for.

Op, have you had a telling off for climbing up the slide yet?

YANBU. She probably cried because she's struggling with his behaviour and was embarrassed and upset that a stranger had to step in.

I'm sure we've all had days when we've felt like a useless parent (if I'm wrong, don't correct me! I'd like to believe it's not just me).

Appropriate restraint is not the same as a stranger touching you for no reason, there's some huge over reaction here! Any adult in a position of responsibility at school would have intervened in a similar way. For those suggesting the boy was reacting this way out of stress, careful and calming restraint until he can safely leave the situation is entirely appropriate if that's the case.

Probably you didn't need to intervene as she was about to do so, but I can see why you did as she had delayed so long already.

Being tired is not an excuse for violence. It was a bit silly for her to make excuses for him within his hearing, he's old enough to understand and may think this behaviour is acceptable when he feels tired.

Basically, she didn't parent well so you had to step in. Poor lady is probably struggling. That she cried says to me that she cares and wishes she was coping better.

The mother wasn't “doing nothing” she’d clearly moved to go and get him.

You did the right thing. You only did intervened because his mother hadn’t. Someone needed to.

I can easily think of a dozen worst case type scenarios arising from not stopping his actions. They are all highly unlikely yet still possibly.

You safely stopped him from hurting other children (and himself). She should have thanked you.

It doesn’t sound as though you disciplined him, just stopped him. Entirely appropriate.

Oh, and all the crap about not touching another person’s child - it’s crap. You were holding his hands, not beating him or hoisting him over your shoulder.

You're talking about a 3 year old baby bullying. I know you didn't use that word but It's what you're implying. Yet here is a gaggle of women shouting at him. In his eyes ganging up on him. If that was my child i wouldnt be pleased regardless of what hed done.
Mum was on her way to get hI'm. Its not like she was sat on a bench reading a book.
I'm not surprised she got upset.

Maybe the mum has bad knees too OP, hence she walked.

Probably nothing to do with you. Maybe she's concerned about the boy in general and today really brought it home for her.

I actually don't think it's unreasonable to stop a young child hurting other children (yours or not) but physically stopping them - as long as there's no other way.

Three year olds aren't old enough to have a fully developed sense of physical danger, hurt inflicted or damage. So yes, adults responsible for them can and do touch them to sort out situations where that's an issue, and sometimes strangers need to do the same.

I've helped a crying girl down from a wall, no mum in sight, and carried her back to her mum, accompanied by her very chatty cousin. I didn't think anything of it. I'd have stopped the same girl if she was hitting another child.

Nah bollocks to that.

Most people wouldn't or very definitely shouldn't stand around doing sweet FA whilst a child attacks and assaults all the other kids around him. Parent present or otherwise.

YWNBU OP. His mother should have gone up the slide herself.

YANBU.

I wouldn't have had the guts to do what you did.

Good for you.

Would the op be allowed to hold the boys hand if she spotted him about to wander on the road? I hope everyone will say yes. To prevent a child being hurt.

The mother told him off then went to get him down. She was doing something

Not quickly enough. No need to call OP a twat either.

He sounds like he has some SEN and the children behind him were crowding him and he freaked out

There's nothing to indicate he had SN, Quartz2208.

And if he had, his mum should have been keeping a closer eye on him and should have intervened quicker.

OP, you did nothing wrong. Not sure why everyone is so up in arms about you TOUCHING another child. Bonkers.

actually this was all because you wanted a go on the slide op isn't it?? running up the slide so you could jump the queue!

Any adult in a position of responsibility at school would have intervened in a similar way

So have a DBS check, be known to the child and not some stranger in the park?

But she was going to get him using the correct way ie the stairs and you decided to run up the front to beat her to her own child. If your child was being hit then you would have had the right to intervene. But you assumed the parents of the children being hit had misjudged the risk to their children and you assumed it was better for you to run up the slide than let the mum go up the stairs. By putting yourself in the middle, you acted as though every other parent involved was being remiss. I just find it unlikely that they were.

YWNBU and I would have done the same. Just because my own child wasn't being hit doesn't mean I can't protect the other children. And if I had to "touch" the offending child so be it!

I knew someone would chime in with the standard "maybe he has special needs!" What of it? That doesn't mean he gets a free pass to hit other kids. Yes, his mom was on her way to get him, but he was harming other children in the meantime. You handled this calmly and well within reason.

Totally appropriate touching. Enough to stop him hurting the others. Very bad parenting from the mother. You did well, OP.

It's just daft to say you shouldn't intervene physically when children are getting hurt.

Also we haven’t even discussed the health and safety/risk assessment implications of what you did OP.

Honestly if you were talking to my friend and made her cry I'd give you daggers too. But when I heard the story (if it was this one) I'd think 'actually I don't blame her.' You were fine, other mum clearly overwrought and we've all been there.

YWNBU. I'd have done exactly the same.